Episode 59: It Wasn’t That Deep: Why We Overthink, Create Drama, and Spiral (And How to Stop)

Episode Description
This week, we’re unpacking something we all deal with but rarely call out… internal drama.

Not the loud, obvious kind. The quiet kind that starts with a small moment and turns into a full story in your head.

We talk about how quickly we go from what actually happened to what we think it means, and how that plays out in friendships, relationships, family dynamics, and even everyday interactions. This episode breaks down why we spiral, why our brains do this, and how to catch it before it takes over your entire day.

What You’ll Hear

•  Why drama isn’t the event, it’s the story we build after it 
•  The difference between intention and perception and why it causes so much tension 
•  How overthinking turns small moments into bigger problems 
•  The “3 R’s” that keep drama alive: replay, reinforce, react 
•  Why your brain would rather create a story than sit in the unknown 
•  Simple ways to stop spiraling in real time 
•  How to process your thoughts without turning everything into something bigger

💗 Pink Spotlight
Each week, we highlight a moment, product, or practice that’s bringing us joy:

•  T is loving Gather 55, a nonprofit restaurant in Hartford she visited with her book club, known for its incredible food and meaningful pay-what-you-can concept. 
•  Christina is loving Go Pure Neck Cream, a firming and hydrating treatment that helps smooth and tighten the neck area while giving that subtle, lifted look without feeling heavy. 

Love the Episode?

If this episode resonated, it would mean so much if you took a moment to follow, rate, and review Pretty in Pink Again. It helps us grow, reach more women, and continue having these conversations that matter.

And if someone came to mind while you were listening, send this episode their way.

You can also follow along on Instagram @prettyinpinkagain @kristinabontempo and @christinatarabishy for more behind-the-scenes, clips, and everything we’re building beyond the mic. 💗

Transcript

0:00

I'm Christina. And I'm team. And this is the pretty and Pink again podcast where motherhood meets rediscovery. I like your outfit today. Thank you. Are those those? Um, these are the pants. The pants. Pants. Yeah. I know, but I like the, like the cardigan you have with it. That's cute too. Are you going out here? No, you look so pretty. Thank you. How are you? Good. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. It's been a week. Yeah. We, t and I both had, I kind of feel like this happens to everybody. Mm-hmm. Like at the same time, but like mm-hmm. This week, so we're recording early obviously. So this will air next week. But it's it's currently Friday of the previous week. Mm-hmm. So you, Pippa's will have to think back to be like, was last week, oh, did I have a shit week? Was last week? Just a shit show for everybody. I feel like everybody that I talked to was like chickens with their head cut off. Mm-hmm. Like just everybody was just. In a mood, first of all, and just I don't know, like nothing was going anybody's way. I know even my kids were like, I had a bad day Tam. Like, what happened? They were like, I don't know, I, we just had a bad day. Yeah. Just like everybody was in mood. I can't really explain it either. I don't know if it's the time of year or if it's just, don't know. It must have been one of those weeks, just one of those weeks, but I know, yeah. One of those weeks. So Mila sees a therapist mm-hmm. Who's like been really integral in helping. She has like a lot of fears I've shared on here before. Like she has so many fears, like fears of leaving me, fears of everything and all of this therapy that we've been doing. I'm like, I just doesn't feel right to me because like I can't get her on the bus in the morning. It's not connecting. It's just not connecting. So I had reached out to her therapist. I was like, we need another approach. I don't feel like it's working, like I trust you, but like we can, we change things up a bit. And she's like, why don't you come in without her and we'll work on it. So she calls her method. Empowering, but, but firm. Mm-hmm. It's supportive and empowering, but firm like we're not gonna keep the bus driver waiting. Right. Right. You have to get on the bus or we're not gonna keep the people in line. You're behind us waiting. You're, you have to get out because before I felt like I was allowing her to run the show. You're catering didn't so much shame her. Yes. Right, right. Yes. And I was like, I don't think this is right. This doesn't feel good. I want to be firm with her. Mm-hmm. Like, you have to get on the bus 'cause I have to go to work. Mm-hmm. Like very concrete. So she said, so I liked that. And she said, and I was like, and I'm sick of everybody being in a bad mood in this house. Like I'm sick of it. And she said, you need to have a family meeting and tell everybody that the first thing that they say to you in the morning is, good morning mom. That's it. Yeah. Set the tone. I'm hungry. A or where's my phone? Or we're out of eggos like, good morning mom. Yes. And then everybody has to say three positive things. That's good. I need to start my day like that too. Three, three positive things. Doesn't matter what they are. And one has to be school related. 'cause one of my kids refuses to go to school. Yeah. So this morning I said, Hey. And she goes, oh, good morning mom. And then she like, oh, did it, did it right away. She, yeah. Yeah. Good morning mom. And then, 'cause I was waiting for her to like greet me and so her three positive things were cute. One was like, I'm wearing purple sneakers and I get, have gym today or Right. Whatever, but it was such a quick, I like that. It was a quick tip, gr gratitude, which is what we say to start with. That's what they always say. I think I love this. It's a practice gratitude, but it was in the most basic form, right? So basic. That's nice. I like even starting that as almost like a little like daily family tradition because you're kind of like building on it. I really feel like gratitude doesn't come easy to everybody. I'm sure it comes easy to some people, but like it's a practice. That's what they call it. It's literally a practice. So you have to practice it right in order for it to become like part of your every day and like second nature to you. So it's like good that you're doing it early and I like that. Everyone has to do it. Everybody has to do it. Yeah. Like just good advice. Just start your day. Good morning. Like I was like, I feel like this family has forgotten their manners. Like they remember their manners when they're out. Yeah. But they forget. Forget them when they're home. Yeah. So we had a little check yourself. And then the other thing I thought that was good was she said. The bus is probably uncomfortable for her because she's already, she's leaving like all it's like dysregulated. Yeah. So hit her senses and I was like, okay. She's like, get her something pleasant to smell. Mm-hmm. Before she gets on the bus or during, like in her little toolkit. Oh. So we put the scented hand sanitizer in there, get her squishy something to squish or whatever. And there was one other thing. Oh, sound. But I couldn't send her with like music or whatever. So we hit those other two senses. But remember when Christine was on and talking about us regulating? Yes. It's so crazy how some of the things really do start, like it's all related. Like they're all the same, even totally. So instead of me shoving her on the bus saying like, you're fine, I can say like, you got this, but also here's a couple things in case you're not, 'cause that wouldn't work for us either. So sometimes it's really as simple as thinking it in terms of yourself, like what would calm you down? What would make you feel better? A little shocked to my system. And then some tools. Yeah, I that. But anyways, I, I wanted to share that because I thought that sometimes when I get information that I'm like, oh, I like this. Yeah, I wanna share it. Because it didn't, it wasn't crazy like ground. Like it was good morning. And three things easy. I'm gonna look forward to easy and something you could do every day. My week. Tell me my week started chaotically it. This probably like, I don't wanna say set me off, but so Layla decided to potty train herself. Yes. Like t just like jumped out of her chair. What it wa I, so I am not ready. Is she going to college next? I'm, I am not ready for this for so many reasons of, I and this is parenting in a nutshell, right? Like we have just come up for air, like, right? Like I feel like I can leave the house with a small tote. Like I maybe have a couple diapers stashed away, a very small amount of wipes. Like I can, I feel like we were just. Like rounding a corner and being like, wow, this is feeling like a little bit easier. And I was not in any way, shape or form ready for any sort of major transition. 'cause I'm just like, I wanna just like live and breathe in this moment right now. And she just decided that today is the day. And not only like is today the day, like the moment is the moment. So I had no chance to like, prepare anything. It was just like, I'm not wearing a diaper anymore. Okay. Like verbally. She, we had to do, we did like the pants free method for a couple of days. Oh. And that's just what, so I was just like, but, but this is happening today. And it's like the middle of the week. They usually recommend that it's like, you know, they say like, oh stay, you know, when you have a break. Which would've been great 'cause that could've been. Next week, which is when everybody's home from school. But it's like, of course, no, it was the middle of the week. It was like, this is happening now. It's like, we still have activities and we have drop offs, and we have all these things. So did did she do, when you took her like to her class? I was having a panic attack because I was, but I just, I had to just ride with it. I was like, I don't want her to pee like on a mat out somewhere, but was like in the car seat or whatever. Yeah, no, but I was like, I just have to kind of trust her. And I did. I had, I had no choice. I literally was like, okay, this is, and how'd it go? It's been going great, but it's just, I was just like, wow. She probably doesn't look how that diaper looks in her outfit. No. She's like, is not cute. And she, this is also like classic second child from everything that I've heard. Mm-hmm. Is that mm-hmm. You know, I feel like we just went through this. I actually looked at Raja and he was like, did we not, am I doing the math wrong? Like, did we not just do this? And I'm like, we literally just, you should have just done at the same time. I'm like, I feel like that's the, our kids are about like 20 ish months apart. Yeah. And so I just feel like with. The age gap being kind of close and then, and her being a girl and her being the second. Yep. Her being the girl. And the second one, it's just, it makes for, I blink and I'm like, we just went through this phase and now we're doing it again. But they're not close enough where we can really do a lot at the same time. But it just feels like there's there's no break in between anything. But I'm like, I am gonna just blink and within like a year I'm gonna have two kids potty trained. Like it just, which is just wild in a day you're gonna have have two kids potty trained. Yes. Vincent and Joseph potty trained basically at the same time. And they're two years apart because Vince at two, like Le was ready, was like, yeah, I'm good. I got it. I've been watching. I'm good. I know. All the same. Get rid of my crib. Yep. Put me in the bed. Yep. And then I remember when we taught Joseph how to ride a bike, he was like almost seven. That's what's gonna happen like a two wheeler. And Vince, it was. Five. And he was like, yeah, get me one one too. I got it. Yeah, that's what I feel like we are at the stage two we're doing that with bikes this spring, it's like we're gonna have to get two. Like, you know, 'cause like she can't be on a small little balance bike and he's on a real bike, like she's gonna be on the real bike too. So I'm just like, we're at this point where we have to do some of the things together. But this one I was just not prepared for like mentally swimming. Swimming, but even thinking about learning to swim, all could be done together. She's gonna learn all together, all the like learning things can be done together. But the transitions I was just like not prepared for. But I guess I'm glad it kind of was like ripping a bandaid off where I'm like, I guess I would've never been ready because I don't like to inconvenience myself anymore than I feel like I am. So I was just like, you were like, this has been working for me. Yeah. I'm like, this has been working for me. And she's like, this hasn't been working for me. So like I'm running the show now. Not love her. Yeah, love. I respect her because I'm like, you just are gonna go through life. Nope, I make the calls. That's fine. And here we are. So that just, yeah, that was, that was part of my like bio panic attack this week. I love how you said, I gotta trust her. I had no choice. Just gotta trust her. Like no, there was like, it was not a conversation. Like with with Leo who's my first, we were like, okay, so next week we're gonna start this. And he was like, okay. And with this, it was like I am no longer doing this and I didn't have a choice. So it was, you know, it was just like, okay, I guess we have to roll with it. It's just, she has been in every way just testing me to roll with it. Mm-hmm Like that's just how I have had to be like, 'cause there's just no other, there's no other avenue. Quite literally the cutest thing ever. Thank you. She is so freaking cute. Oh my god. I just wanna squeeze her and now she's going to be a potty trained little cutie. So we're just, I love it. We are like moving and grooving and, but this is so exciting though for you for summer, it's for bathing suits was caning it. What happen happen in the summer? It's pool. You don't have to worry about, it's like the diaper pool. It's, this is great. I know. And you're winning. I will be back. 'cause now this week I did have to like. Reload up a large tote because I had about 75 outfit changes and like things just in case that's sorry. But I'm like, I have a feeling that that will be behind us soon. And then I will be the mom with like a purse. Yeah. Cross button. Imagine. Mm-hmm. Like I can't, I'm like, wow we're almost there. Always. Don't ever get rid of the wipes though. No. Those will stay. The lights a little station in my car for like that type of stuff. Of course you do. You have, do you know? Of course you do. Ava got a bloody nose in our car recently. Yeah. You always need the wipe. And I did. I was not prepared and I took off my sock and I used my sock for bloody nose. I always have Is a box tissue, like no paper towels, nothing. No. You have to have like a little bit of an emergency kit. I need kit. A restock. Yeah. I need, not only do I need a restock, I just need a re Yeah. Everything. I need to just get this kit. Anyway. What we're gonna talk, we talk about today piggybacks a little bit off of last week's episode and we got a lot of great feedback from that. But we're gonna be talking about drama today. And this has been something that we had been wanting to talk about for several weeks. Drama was a requested, yes, it was a requested topic. It was a requested topic, but it was used negatively amongst females. Yes, always. And when we were looking up drama, I was like, wait a second. Drama is not just like when two people fight, or like when you're watching Hell's Wives and they're right. Crucifying one another. Right? Drama is what plays in your head. It's very internal, over and over and over again. After an incident or after some An interaction encounter. An encounter encounter after an email, after you. After you read something, right? Like, and drama can be an extension of how you perceived something. Right? And so I, we thought that would be a great way to sort of introduce this topic to our listeners and dissect it down. Yes. I feel like in, in general, females get. We talked about this with Christine a couple weeks ago. How you get told, right? Like, oh, you're so dramatic. That's something that she talked about that we don't wanna be using that verbiage around our, our daughters, especially because we're fed that anyway, that like females can be a little bit more dramatic and theatrical with emotions. And so it does get tricky that it's almost sort of like embedded right into the way that we think. She says she likes sensitive much better. Yes. Because your sensitivity level to things allow you to either replay things over and over and your head or pause, rephrase and like move past it. Yep. And move past, yeah. Or your level of sensitivity with some things will allow you to maybe interpret something. Differently. So it's not like T said, drama is not always a blowout fight. It's not something that maybe you physically could see. And honestly, most of the time nothing really even transpired or happened. You know what I mean? It's more just like it's the after and the replaying in your head. It's always the after. It's always the after. It's always the after. Like if someone filmed the actual moment, I don't know that you actually would see anything, if that makes sense. Right. It's the visual thing or there would be 10 different perceptions Yes. From that. Yes. Like people points of view. There's always different points of view. Right. And perception is. A meaning that we've then assigned to what just occurred. Mm-hmm. So anybody can have different meanings, you know, and if you are replaying these different potential meanings, and then maybe changing the narrative, that is drama. Mm-hmm. And I think that it's important as a person who is self-aware mm-hmm. To replay certain things. Mm-hmm. Because if you didn't replay anything, then you would just go through your life what, not paying attention or not being like insightful or taking accountability. Yep. So I do think that there is some level of replay that is like, good drama. Important. Yeah. Good drama. It's almost like it makes you self aware, you know? Exactly. Right. Exactly right. And then I think that just like with anything, like too much of a good thing is a bad thing. And then when there's a constant replay and you don't trust yourself with the information and you have to go to not just one trusted friend, but. Then you throw it up into five different group chats and you're running it by all these different people. Mm-hmm. That's where you bring other people in. Mm-hmm. And that's drama. Do you do that or do you find yourself Oh, I've totally have done that. Yeah. And I think that with getting it bit in the ass and then me being the source of the drama mm-hmm. After doing that. Mm-hmm. Learning that you can't trust people with your information. Mm-hmm. And also learning to trust myself and learning that I have a very trusted friend that I can tell things to. Yep. And I'm gonna say like a trusted friend. 'cause usually it's like one Yeah. Per issue, right. That I can share things with. Like you, for instance, that I do less and less of it. Right. Because then you don't feel like you need to get validation or maybe you don't need to rehash it with like several different people or people drama from all over the place. Right. That's drama. And I think that when you learn to trust yourself a little bit more, you replay things maybe less. Yeah. And less. Yeah. I think that that's a good point. I also think that it is a good point that you just brought up because we talked about this in our Girl on Girl crime episode. Yeah. Like however long ago that was. That was back in the day over the summer. That was a really good one. And that we talked about how. We're trying to create less girl on girl crime. And so one of our kind of tips that we talked about, not saying that we do it, but just like something that would help is to not do that, right? Like not go and talk about the event or whatever is going on with like this group and then this group, and then this person and this person because it festers the drama. At the same time, you just made the distinction that like sometimes you need to talk about it because yes, I am one of the people that like if I keep too much in my head, I think I create more drama. Sometimes if I talk about it with, again, with a trusted person or maybe somebody who is not gonna feed the drama, they're gonna just look at something like a little bit like maybe from both sides or maybe from all points of view, or someone who's a little bit more neutral in a situation. I think that sometimes I need that point of view to bring me back to reality and like you almost need somebody that's gonna help diffuse it, right? And if I left everything in my own head, I would create drama out of everything. Right? You know what I mean? Like the way my mind thinks. So it's a weird place to be in because sometimes you need to like let things go, but then at the same time, sometimes if something's festering in your head, it's not always. The worst thing to then talk about it and almost like c, create a little bit of drama to like. Diffuse the drama, you know? Well, I think if your intention is you, you have all of these thoughts playing in your head. Yeah. Over and over and over again. I clearly am making it worse. That's what's called a spiral. Yeah. A spiral. You tweet, I'm me, a very live there medical term. Yep. Spiral. A spiral. I live spiral. And if you're trying to prevent a spiral or stop a spiral or unwind a little, maybe you do need like a jolt. Yep. And a pause. Yep. And that you need to phone a friend. For sure. You know? And I think that is what friends are for sure. I don't think that makes you a drama queen. No. I think that is what friends are intended to do. I agree. Agree. Replay things from a point of view. From a trusted person. Yes. I agree. And I think that it's good to do that. Yeah. I just, I just was like, ooh, I feel like a little bit like we're going back on our, what we were talking about, but there's a distinction to make, you know, and like, you don't have to keep everything bottled up, but, so you're the main character in that. It's your feelings, right, that are. Being hurt right at that moment. Right. And it's your thoughts that are spiraling. Right? And tho those are your own personal thoughts, you know, that you are trying to gain control of, right, right. Let's go over what actually happened versus what we made it mean. Right. So I feel like a good couple examples of this are like, she didn't respond to my last text, yep. And you're like, what the, does that mean? Like, you know what I mean? Did I do something? Is this weird? You know, like, am I right? Am I creating something like, is she mad at me? Like, is Right, and that's all drama is, right? That's all like the story. The text went on red. Or like, if we didn't get a brand deal, like, does this brand think we have shitty content? Right. Do they not wanna work with us? Right. Did they not like our offer? Yep. Like, what, what's wrong with our business? Like, and then it's all these other Yep. We're creating a narrative of something that didn't actually occur. What actually occurred is that a brand didn't respond back to an email. Right? Yes. Something went on. Right. Like a circle, a text went unanswered because somebody's busy. Maybe somebody like, oh, her tone seemed really weird. Like, is she mad? You know what I mean? Right. Like, I feel like sometimes you have to just look at that as like, well that's factually what happened, maybe. Right. But. That's it. That's the whole, those, those are the only facts if you're investigator, all of my Real Housewives fans out there, if you put your investigating caps on right now, yeah. The truth and the only facts you had is that an email or a text have remained unresponded to, right, right. All of the other stuff. Right. The hearsay is hearsay and were just digging for dirt here. Yes, yes. But I mean, I do that all the time. I do that all the time. Like even with my, all my friends are probably like sitting there like, this bitch does not respond to text messages. I'm the worst. Like, and it literally doesn't mean anything except I'm overwhelmed and I can't get to your text currently. Like that's all it means is like, I thought about it. I also might have responded in your head. I mentally respond to a lot of things. Like where I literal, you laughed out literally sometimes. I'm like, am I like a nut job? Like, I swear I'm, I responded to that. I mentally did it. But I physically didn't do it, you know? But like, it really, a lot of sometimes means nothing. Like, I'm not mad at you, I just didn't respond to your text message. I'm sorry. So somebody might sit there and create drama out of that, like worried like that they're, you know, that something happened and it's like, Nope that's all it is. It's just the fact of like, Christina is a shitty text responder. Like, that's all it means. Okay. So what if somebody did that to you and you were on your eal face? I would spiral. I would spiral on my luteal face. I don't t that I was in my luteal face and she's been laughing at it all day. I'm like, I really ling over that right now. Because you're in your nineties banger face. You're in your matcha phase. Yes. For the next four days you're in this. Oh, I'm always, yes. I'm always in an era that's what I'm in right now. Oh my god. So emotional based on, you know, whatever and then your reaction. Yes, it's, and so. Then if you are in a reactive state mm-hmm. And then you start bringing others into it. Oof. Yeah. That is some serious drama. Yeah. Yeah. Again, I, I do that all the time. Yeah. Nick's like in the OR and he's like, do I have to take your call? I'm like, yes, it's an emergency. 10 out of 10 emergency. And what is it? It's like, nobody, I can't get in touch with this person. Have you heard from them? We all do it. He's like, we all do it, but it's, he's like, you never answer my calls or texts. It's so really karma. Literally, like, I think a good way to like think of it, because this is like what I have to tell myself. The event is neutral, right? Yeah. Like the facts are neutral. The story is not like the story that I create is not mm-hmm. Like, and it's also not necessary a lot of the times, you know, so you replay mm-hmm. Replay it over and over and over again. It always, it always starts very small with something factual you reinforce Yes. By phoning a friend for validation. No, I, this is, this is like my order of events, right? Oh. So it starts with something small. Okay. Like a thought. And then it's, well, that was weird, right? You know, it's like literally just like, I'm laughing because this happens to us all like this. This has happened multiple times. We've been you've been on the receiving end. No, we're together. You have processed these thoughts with me. We processed them together. Because we're in the inner, we're in the inner bubble. We can share Why would she say it like that? Right? Like that's like, that's another one. And then it's like, is there a problem? Like, does she have a problem with me? Is she mad? Like, I'm just using this as like an example. Yeah. And like. Now I have to think about every interaction I've ever had. Like, and dissect it. Yeah. Now we gotta go back, we gotta go back, gotta go into the archives. We have to dig deep into the archives, replay all the things. Mm-hmm. And, and investigate and create mm-hmm. A story that probably doesn't exist. Mm-hmm. Right. For the most part. And now we're like, now we're like 20 minutes in. And you're reacting to the story. Yeah. Not to the neutral facts. I'm also like wasting my freaking day. You know what I mean? Like, I'm, I'm time wasting. I'm energy wasting. Uh, but I literally know I'm doing it. I'm laughing about it because it's funny when I'm talking about it, but it's not funny when it's in my head. When you talk about like not having the same 24 hours, this is a huge time suck. This is a huge time suck of my very limited time that I always have. You know? What do you do all day? Just dissect bullshit. Spiral. Spiral. Just anybody else worry about things. Worry about insignificant nonsense. Everything's fine. Yep. Everything is fine. Yep. But who did we have on here that was talking about manifesting? Lauren? Mm-hmm. Was talking about manifesting. Mm-hmm. And she was, and you were like, listen, who cares if it's woo woo? I would rather spend my time thinking about positive things, positive things, than dissect all this negative stuff that I replay in my head. That's like honestly the opposite, right? Where it's like you should just let that roll off. I honestly like envy people who have that naturally. My husband's, one of those people drives me crazy. Like he's just always like. Looking at like the best case scenario and I'm like looking at him like, how do you do that? You know, like why, how do you just like look at a situation like half full like, and then you, and then you spiral. 'cause you're like, what does he think about me and my like, you know? Or he'll look at me, me and be like, how can you not just like, make this a thing? You know? Like, can you just relax? Can you just calm down about it? I'm like, no I can't. There's two parts to that because. Your gut is usually not wrong. It's true. It your gut is usually not wrong, but sometimes all of the energy that you put towards the spiral is unnecessary. But I feel like why do I always need to be right? Like, you know what I mean? Like it's like my gut is never wrong. It's very true. A lot of the times I feel I have good intuition. I feel like most women feel like they have good intuition and your gut is never wrong, right? Usually when you feel it in your gut, but also sometimes you have when it's like little stuff that can make you spiral. You just have to be like, even if your gut is right, who cares? You know what I mean? Like, because otherwise you could just go through life creating drama and feeling the drama. Even if there is drama, it's like you're letting the drama then affect you and kind of like. Run your life and run the day run, you know what I mean? Like, run the moment, well ruin the moment. You know? Like it's, I think that when women, I think it's common for women to be like they wanna like close the circle always. They wanna be right. They want the validation, they wanna be seen, they want all of those. They wanna be in control. Mm-hmm. They want all of those things. And I think that, that once you feel seen by yourself, you feel in control. Mm-hmm. You, that's like very empowering. Mm-hmm. But that's a skill that you have to like, learn and process on your own. Mm-hmm. And I think that that's like a confidence, like a confidence piece for sure. Like, I'm confident that, you know what. Let it be This, this does not Yeah. Land well with me. This is my interpretation. This is how I'm perceiving this. This maybe is not the intention, or mm-hmm. Maybe this like, hasn't even, like, nothing's even going on, but I'm confident enough that I'm gonna not spend the next hour or two hours worrying about this. Right. Maybe it's like you have to almost give it a container. Right? Like, okay, I can spend 30 minutes looking into this. Right. Because I need that time to look into it. Right. But I'm only gonna give it 30 minutes. Okay. So you're capping the spiral. I'm gonna, I'm ca we're gonna cap the spiral. We're gonna see how that goes. That's one walk, one walk, one loop, and then you put it out of your mind. One loop, one phone call to one friend. No, I don't do any of that stuff. I could never, I'm just saying like, maybe that's all these things need. I mean, it's good in theory, but I could never like, I could never like, no. So have you ever spiraled and then heard back from like a friend or a brand deal and they were like, Hey, I'm so sorry. Oh yes. That happens all the time. Like, okay, but you don't learn from that. And like, no, I, and then next time you're like, oh, this person's just like me and they don't respond, or This brand deal hasn't, needs to go through three business managers just like me to get the Okay. Like, no, you don't get the positive reinforcement and health. No, I do. No, I feel no, I do feel like in certain situations and like even just as I'm growing and aging and evolving, I feel like you do kind of like learn to let maybe smaller things go like that. Or like you're saying, yes, this person is known for not texting me back, I don't worry. I don't get a pit in my stomach or So, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Something like that. Mm-hmm. Yes. I think it's, some of it is like live and learn for sure, but no, then I'll find something new to create drama about. Oh my God. Why do you think we do it? I really don't know. I like, I really, I really wish I had the answer. I don't know. We wanna just know everything. We wanna know everything. Like, are you sure your tone didn't upset me? Like, you want everything to be good. Yes. I think that you said it like it's the the needing to close the loop. Yeah. And to just be like, this was handled check. Like, it's like this is over. But like in some situations it won't ever be over. Like there won't ever be closure from something and you just kind of have to be like, you do have to like learn to be okay with that. Ugh. Like, which is an icky feeling. I know. It is such an icky feeling. Women are connection focused women often tune into tone, energy, body language, subtle shifts. So when something feels off, we cannot ignore it. We analyze it and analyze is like right in that replay. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. So that's what you're doing. You're picking up and then you're picking up on patterns. So if this person's pattern is typically jovial and now this person's pattern change is maybe like somber or not as engaging, you take it as like, oh, I did something. Did something. Yes. To make that person change. Right, right. You always take things so personal. Yeah. I mean, how can you not. I really think that just when I'm trying to think about that, it's not all the time that I do that, it really is like very, probably situation specific. Mm-hmm. And it probably is like one of the things where when a perfect storm adds up, right? Like if I'm exhausted, if I'm already feeling sensitive about something, like, it's not that I just like live life going that way, but it's just like sometimes it takes like all of the perfect makings for like, then it's, you're just in that phase where you're like maybe a little bit more sensitive, agitated about something, and then you're your antennas are up extra and you're like almost looking for a problem, you know? Right. Well, I don't think you're ever looking for a problem. You're, you're analyzing too far, for me it's like when I am rested. Feeling, productive feeling, you know, like I maybe spent quality time with my husband and my family. Those are things that make you whole. Yeah. Like when I'm feeling good, right. Maybe something great happened at work. I felt like that it was just like a good week or a good day or whatever. I'm less sensitive to. Outside things. Right. And then I feel like sometimes when things aren't going my way, or if the chips are down and somebody looks at you the wrong way. Yes. And then you're like, Ugh. Like you spiral. So I feel like it's not, I'm not saying sitting here saying that this is how I live my life, but there's definitely points, periods, you know, that it's that stuff tends to come up more, well, I think that that's all fair. Yeah. That's all good and fair. And then your, those in your moods are colliding with other people mm-hmm. Who maybe other people are in the same situation. They're, we're all in the same situation. Yeah. Every person is in the same situation. Yeah. So that's why sometimes there's drama, it's like that gap between like the intention and the perception. Mm-hmm. Like the attention intention was one thing. Here's the fact, here's what actually happened. And then your perception is something very different. Right. So I think even like sitting behind this mic and having this podcast, you know, our intention is to educate and to learn and to grow and to share. The perception could maybe be, oh, they're complaining, or the perception is they're oversharing. You know, that is the perception. And you cannot ever control a perception. You can only control your intention. And it might not be taken the same way too. Right. I think they, they're two different things. Right, and that's okay. Mm-hmm. And I think the more you become comfortable with that mm-hmm. The less you replay. I question in my head, like, why does this go on? Why does this carry on? Mm-hmm. Why are some exchanges so simple? Mm-hmm. And so easy. Why does some people make me feel very comfortable and like guard down and laugh and never replay? I never replay anything. I know. And why do other situations make me replay literally everything I know. You know? I don't know. It's, it must be just maybe your comfort level. And I do think that's something that I think I talked about in another episode that like I really strive, like that's my North Star. Is when I feel like my guard can be down. Then I don't have to replay anything. Right. Right. Like you're like, I hate that feeling when you like leave somewhere and you're like, did I overshare? Did I say something? Would that have been taken the wrong way? I honestly, I know that I can't always be in a situation where like, I'm never gonna feel like that. Right. But my goal in life is to be around people who never make me feel that way. You know what I mean? And that's really only something that could be done internally, right. To like know where you are. 'cause it's an internal struggle. It's an internal struggle. This is, this is a lot less about other people. And Yes, it's, it's all about you. It's not really about the other people. They're not really in the wrong, it's no you, it's right. And how you interpret Yep. Things. Yep. And your perception of things and how you feed off of people's energy. Mm-hmm. And like feel safe around them. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. I feel like since becoming a mom too, my, need to be around like positivity and feeling like you're comfortable and very safe. I think that's the word. Mm-hmm. I'm probably striving for is like, you feel safe around people where you don't have to replay and you're not worried about how, maybe even how you might create drama because you're just like, okay, if I have like a bad, dinner one night, like they've probably had a bad dinner one night and there's just no worry about it. Right. In sort of like a friendship scenario. But I also feel like since becoming a mom, I'm more sensitive to things. Before becoming a mom I might have had like more I don't wanna say this the wrong way, but like it's, I had probably a little bit more space to dissect things. So maybe I did it back then. And then becoming a mom, I have now less time and less space to dissect things, but I'm more sensitive to things. Mm-hmm. Because of being a mom. Mm-hmm. So it's like when it hits hard, now it hits harder than it did before. Right. But I have less space to deal with it. Totally. And also the things that you're dissecting also are like, your attention is to your kids. Right. Like you and your husband. Like your focus is like right with each other. Right. And your kids, that's the priority. Right. So if you are gonna spend time dissecting things, it's gonna be like important stuff that like pertains to the family. Right. Right, right. 'Cause obviously there's drama with family too. When you're overthinking things, it's any relationship with any relationship. I feel like my North Star with becoming a mom and choosing who I'm gonna hang out with is I will only hang out with people who I can scream at my kids in front of. Oh, I, yes. Because if you can't yell at your kids in front of somebody, then that person needs to GTFI your life. I know that I'm in your very inner circle because I think that you scream at them more than, than you're kind to that I'm also over here a lot, so I feel like, no, like if I'm at, like, I, I totally agree with that. Nick and I were at dinner with our kids and like our really close friends and their kids for dinner, and I like yelled at Joseph and. Like the husband's face didn't even, like, he didn't even shrunk. No. Not even phase, not even phased. Yeah. Again, I'm not like some abusive mother. No, of course not. But, you know, but I think it's just it goes to show that the guard is down. Guard is down. If I can freely yell at my kids, you can freely just be right. Yeah. Like, it's not, it might not, I'm not saying be yourself because that's not who you are. Yeah. But it's just like, you can be, you can be in that moment, you can have a reaction to something that maybe you might not have, but then you don't have to worry about the feeling, you know what I mean? Of feeling weird or icky. Like I feel like everybody knows what that feeling is and Yeah. Well also, I really try to avoid that as much as possible. Like, I feel like that is literally my goal in life is to like not have an ick feeling. Well, if you're trying to figure out. Where to place yourself mm-hmm. With your family. Mm-hmm. And your kids. See how comfortable you feel correcting your kids, being in front, so, yeah. In front of somebody else. Yep. 'cause if I find myself, like perform, holding my tongue and performing, my kids are gonna crank it up and act Oh. Like really holding, because then they can see that they're getting away with it. But if they know like, no, normal mom is here, who's gonna mm-hmm. Nip it in the bud. Mm-hmm. Then usually it stops. I know. They're like, oh, company's here I can act crazy. Nope. It's nope. They're this company. They're, it's a family company. Nope. That's true. I'm not getting away with anything., Is there anything that you, tend to dramatize? Because I feel like for me, I like know the certain things that, I don't wanna say overdramatize because it's not, it's from my point of view, but like, is there anything that you dramatize in your life? Like are there themes where you're like, oh, this type of thing gets me going. Right? Like where, like, I might start spiraling about this. Is there certain things, certain events, any, so anything related to my kids mm-hmm. With school. Mm-hmm. If I get an email mm-hmm. From a teacher that's like vague. Yep. And it's like, okay, we have like a behavior thing like, or this event happened. Yes. Or we have to document it. Yes. I don't let it go. Yes. I'm like, okay, call a meeting. We need a meeting. I need the vice principal there, I need the school psychologist there. I need the teacher there. I need to be there. Like I wanna know everything. Mm-hmm. And then I'm like, tell me everything, like what's going on with my kid? Like, is something wrong with them? Do they need like behavioral, the like I everything. And Nick is like, but it's not a thing, it's a, he's a boy, he's a hyperactive boy. He'll grow out of it. You know how many times Nick has said that to me to kind of keep pull you back down. Pull me back down. Yeah. But I am like in that school like a psycho. Mm-hmm. And I think there's like a line between a mom trying to be self-aware and not stuff things down and hit it head on. Yeah. And also like I look. Back at the things that I've done with my kids, I think I probably made it a little bit worse sometimes. Yeah. Like, I think so. Anything kid related. So, but do you feel like that now or is that just something that you've done in the past? Well, now I'm aware of it now that the kids are older and again, everything is live and learn. Yeah. Everything is live and learn. So now if I get emails like that about them, I don't think I'll be so reactive. Mm-hmm. Like I, when we were doing this podcast last year, Nick and I were in Florida. Mm-hmm. And I spent one entire day of that trip. I ruined it, I remember on the phone Yep. With the vice principal, the school social worker, over a very small incident. Incident Right. That I blew up. Yep. Because I was just so reactive to the incident. Mm-hmm. So I think really the, the real answer is, is that I can be very reactive. To anything kid related. Yes. I think that's really like the crux of the issue. Yep. I, I would probably agree with you and it's like, about different things. 'cause my kids aren't in school yet, but I definitely overreact but I feel like that's also part of being a mom, right? I mean, some of it is you're a mama bear, right? So I feel like my job, I like spiral about anything like safety related. I'm just like overbearing and I spiral and I worry. And that, I think that that sometimes comes back to anxiety. It almost like goes hand in hand where if I'm anxious about something, I make a thing about it. Right? Right. So like anything can spiral in that way, you know? So I, I relate to you on that aspect where that's stuff just makes me feel like I'm not doing my job right or something like that. Right. Like, and you're like, oh my God, ugh. Like, but being, but the bad part about it is that. Maybe the incident, like if we really break it down, like maybe the incident is not even that big. Right. But my reaction right. Is so much bigger. Right. And then everybody that I called and pulled Yeah. And the doctor and this, that, and the other, like Yep. Made it a thing. Yep. I could even see with the kids because we had Christina on a couple weeks ago mm-hmm. And we talked at length, if that was such a great episode. We talked about confidence in girls, like raising girls and stuff. And so we did have a whole section about moms like almost entering kid drama too. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. And being worried about if your kid feels a certain way, all of the things that we talked about, if your kid feels icky about something mm-hmm. Like, oh, I don't like the way she talked to me, or she left me out of this, and then you enter mm-hmm. Kind of like mm-hmm. There to solve it. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? And then you almost enter the drama and make it worse. Right. You know what I mean? Like, I could definitely see myself getting way too involved in stuff like that. Right. Like trying to almost solve a problem that isn't mine to solve, you know? Right. So like I could totally see that being like, something that, but because of this podcast, you're gonna be hyper aware. I'm gonna be hyper aware of it now, not to, and you're gonna try really, really hard not to. Yep. Which is the beauty of this podcast. Yep. Yep. It, it's created another level. Mm-hmm. Of like self-awareness. 'cause now we've learned that. Confidence comes from action. Yeah. And in order, like if the goal is for your daughter to be confident, she has to be the one Right. Doing the actions of figuring it out. For sure. And then you'll have to, I don't know, figure out where to insert and where not to. Yeah. And you'll spiral along the way. Of course you'll we'll, I'll be here for the ride. Yeah, of course. You'll, you'll be listening to me, so, okay. So that for me is like my biggest, yeah, that's a big one. Biggest thing to make me reactive. Are there any others that you can kind of think of that you get yourself caught up in? Oh my God, yes. If somebody questions like my intention. That's a big one for me. Like when my intentions are questioned. Okay. Because I think that I always have the best intention. Mm-hmm. It's not always gonna, it's not always gonna pan out. It's not gonna be way, my intention and perception is not always gonna pan out. Right. But those, that, that's another one. But that, that like guts you. That guts me. Yeah. Yeah. And that creates a ton of internal drama. Yes. I could see, I mean, I feel like that's v that's like very justified, you know, for me. Tell me, I hate when there's not closure in certain things. Like if there was like a friendship that ended a certain way or a fight that never got resolved, right. I feel stuff like that. Festers and bothers me tremendously. And I can be, I can see that I can overplay and replay and overanalyze and be like, what the actual heck went wrong? Like where do we stand? You know what I mean? Like that type of thing. I like things to be as tied up in a bow as they could be. You know what I mean? And that doesn't mean that everything has to end on good terms. It just has to end on some sort of terms and not just feel like it ended. You like to know where you stand. I always like to know where I stand with please. I don't even necessarily think you care where it is. I do not care where I think it's totally agree. I have to, you like to know where, where you stand. I have to know in my mind where I place you. You know what I mean? Like, or where somebody places you, where, where someone, or where someone places me. I don't like the unknown of that at all. What are different placeholders in your mind? If you have to think of where you place people. Yeah. Well, where, where are different places? So I obviously, in the friendship slash everything is great. You know what I mean? Type of category. And then if something ended kind of weird, it's like, are we on good terms? Are we fine? Were, did we just go separate ways? Like you went this way and I went this way and that's okay. Did something happen and now we're, we don't speak to each other. If we bumped into each other, we don't talk, you know, like Oh, so you're meaning it more like that? Yeah. Like it's, I don't like that. I don't like that unknown. So I get a lot of anxiety if I'm gonna be in a situation where maybe I might run into people and I don't know where we are. Like it's like where you place each other. Yeah. Yeah, what, where are we at? I guess the word that we keep using or that I have kept coming back to, we always have these like themed words is like, where can I safely place you? You know what I mean? Well, don't you think that also goes back to like some of that control thing? Yeah. If you feel like you feel safe. Yeah. When you know that somebody feels this way about you and has placed you in a, you know what, yes, I know who you are. I know your soul. You are safe here with faith. Yeah. Like, you know when you have people who you're like, I know that I haven't seen them in 10 years, but you're like, we could pick up where we left off. And wouldn't miss a beat. Right? Maybe you don't talk to each other for 10 years, but you're like, I know we're in a good place. And if I ran into that person, we'd be fine. Like you'd be Versus what? Versus you didn't versus see somebody for 10 years because of something. Right. Like that you don't know. Yeah. Like maybe there was like. Some sort of thing that happened and then you're like, I don't know how we ended. It was kind of weird the last time I saw that person. Are we gonna run into each other? Are they gonna turn the other way and not wanna see me? Is it gonna be weird? Are we gonna have to try to make small? Right. And that, and that's all. And that's all replay. It's all, and that's all the story. Yes. And that's all of what we're talking about is drama. And that's what I do. And that's internal. Internal, internal drama. It's totally internal drama. Aw man. Yeah. I think I know that that's probably like a common thing. I'm sure not everybody does that, but I've definitely heard, heard totally. I've heard that's I've uncomfortable, I've been on the other side of people being anxious about being in that situation and being like, oh my God, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what. And so I feel like that's probably not a great place to, to be in. And that's where you can create drama. Right? Right. Like when you're unsure, I know. Or something bad happened and you're like, now I have to replay this because of that, you know? Right. Because of that feeling. Which is, which is almost. Like when things are concrete. Yes. And you're like, oh, this Hap X happened y was the result. Yes. And that is why like you connect the dots, the loop, the loop is closed. The loop is closed, it goes back to the loop being closed. I know people like loops to be closed. I love a loop closed. Even if you're not like somebody that's like controlling and likes everything neatened up and bow. Yeah. I think that everybody to some extent wants a closed. You can feel Don a little more, more peace left open. No. Who wants that? I, not me. No. Certainly not me. No, no. Again, also being your close friend and like spending a lot of time with you. You're gonna tell me another one? I think. Well, I think this is like similar to what we just talked about. Yeah. I think you have to keep your finger on the pulse and if you get a little bit of like a I don't know how I feel about this. And it's not anything glaring. It might not even be about a person. It might even just be a situation. No, this is really not even like a personal thing. Yeah. This is just like situational. Yes. This can be like work or like environment. Just, just a whole vibe of a situation. Yes. You know, a seating assignment, literally anything. Yeah. If you get like a little bit of a nick, you immediately do like a Yeah. A yeah. Like you do, like she's going back like, she's like step back. You do like an actual like visceral. Like like Yes. A step back. A step back. And you need to like, like process. Yes. And reevaluate the room. Yeah. And again, nothing, even, nothing even happened. But you, I feel like, are very in tuned with like a vibe. Yes. That might not be about a person, it could be about a person, but it could be about a situation, an event, the vibe of a place, the vibe of a room, the vibe of it could be going into a restaurant with your kids and you're like, oh, wait a second, I don't know about this right now. Yes. It's this time of day and I spiral. They look busy. We might be here too long. Like just a minute. Yes. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Like, and then I could spiral. If you could, you could, if the stars are aligned. Yeah. And you are, you know? Yeah. That's true. That's true. And think everybody, I think the whole point is we're trying to like, you know mm-hmm. Build ourselves so we don't enter every situation in a spiral. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. I mean I spiral all the time. Like you brought up a good point to me, like about my health stuff. Yeah. Like I had such bad health anxiety that was a spiral. I was like replaying our everything. I remember that he talked about how she had had health anxiety for a couple of years and was really working hard to manage that. Like you would spiral over any little thing going on with your health, literally anything. And I knew that nothing was wrong. Yeah. But I was constantly having all these like little ailments pop up 'cause I was almost creating them. Mm-hmm. It was crazy. At my last doctor's visit, I had my last, my physical back in February. And again, I'm not like a toddler that goes to the doctor every year. Yeah. Like I'm, it's like my 18 month checkup. Yeah. Yeah. So I hadn't had blood work in a while and she, I saw the pa, not the doctor, so she, I hadn't seen her ever, and she was like, okay, what is up with this like history of yours? Like, could we take quick clean, neaten this up a little bit? It was like, yeah, vertigo heart palpitations this. I'm like, yeah, I don't have any of that anymore. It's all, all anxiety. Well, that's great. I take Lexapro now. I just have high cholesterol, but Liam Ellis gonna help me with that. I know, I know. We're gonna have Leah on actually to talk about that too, but could you imagine if that were three years ago and she said to me, you have high cholesterol. I would've been, yeah, you would've lost it. Losing my mind. Yeah. Like, oh my god, my art, my arteries are clogged and I'm done for, I've been replaying that diagnosis, that fake diagnosis and my head for the next four hours. Yeah. And. Replaying things is what leads to Yep. A story. You're gonna eventually believe that story. Yep. That story is gonna eventually come true. Like I really think it's like bad manifestation. It is. It is. And I believe it. It can be. I know. You're right. You're right. And I, so I think we have to have a takeaway from this, right? So like the takeaway from this is, well, I think the takeaway is not, you're crazy. That is not the takeaway. No, it absolutely not. And I think all of this is validating because I think it's sometimes nice to hear from someone else that like they feel the same way and they think the same way. You know? So you don't have to feel like it's just you that has these thoughts and goes down this rabbit hole. But I think that you, but you don't need an army of seven people thinking the same way as you. Right. Because that creates your inter intern, right. That turns internal drama. Right into external drama. Right. And I think we need to try our best to minimize that. I think that what my takeaway from this is that. It seems like I'm just doing a lot of thinking about when I tend to do this, which I said already, is that if I'm in a much better place, I tend to do it less, and so I think recognizing that if I'm tending to do it more, it's likely. Because of something else. You know what I mean? And just reminding myself to try to let that pass as much as possible. And then if it's not something that I can let pass, then I have to go to like a trusted person in my life and try to dissect it a little bit to be like, what do I do from here? I can't get past this. I'm worried about this. This is bothering me. What do I do? You know what I mean? And it's when you're truly looking for the answer, you know, when you kind of can't come to it yourself. It could be like a therapist, it could be a trusted friend or family member or spouse. And then you try to work through that and you also have to try to then let that person be another point of view that maybe can help you come down from it and help you close the loop, right? And hope that they don't unravel it further for you further, right? But I think that you know now, right? Who's gonna do, who's gonna pull on that thread? But then I guess even if they do. Pull, like make it maybe more drama. Sometimes things need to be dramatic because maybe a change needs to be made. Maybe your thought process needs to change. Like again, back, if this was like a friendship or a situation that was making you unravel for some reason, like maybe you're unraveling because of invalid things. Maybe you're unraveling because of very valid things. Yeah. And then maybe the spiral helps you come to a realization about something like maybe it doesn't always have to be for nothing. Right. But I think that sometimes you maybe need another point of view to help you come to terms with that. You know what else I loved that you just said, and it just shows like such significant growth is that you just named, again things that help keep you in like a solid sound place. Mm. And you also coming back to what keeps you in a solid sound place. Can help eliminate Yes. Even the replay from starting to begin with. Yes. So if you try to consistently keep yourself in a good right place rested, fed, you know you have enough, like one-on-one time with your spouse, like enough family time work is good. Like those are all things that are important to you. They fill your cups. It's good to know, again, what fills your cup. Right? I think the more your cup is filled, I could assume the less drama you kind of have. It's like if your cup is filled with all good things, then you don't need the drama. Well, you also, you are not, you are not replaying anything else, right. If you feel satiated in all these other aspects of your life. Right. You know, so if, I guess this is like another, like if somebody is maybe starting things or spreading things or you know, spiraling around you, like again, maybe that person has not yet figured out how to fill. Their cup. Right, right. We're all learning how to do it. I think we all have, and it may not, they may not be like a dramatic bad person. Maybe they just haven't filled, figured out how to fulfill themselves yet. I have been definitely in that position where like I said, like when I'm feeling defeated, when I'm not in a good place, when I'm not feeling like my cup is full, my cup is empty. Yeah. I'm searching then for other things, you know what I mean? And like sometimes creating drama out of nothing, but when you're feeling good, I think that you don't really have any room for that. And it's a different lens, so. No, I like how we portrayed drama in this episode. I, I feel good about it. Yeah. I wanna know from the Pippa's, we always love to hear how you perceive things, and obviously, you know, our attention of this episode was to kind of dissect this from a different point of view in a different lens and share our experiences with it. But if you guys have any. Thoughts, we would love to hear from you as well so you guys can send it to us in our text messages. We love reading the text messages from you guys when you send them in, and it helps give us episode ideas. This episode actually stemmed from a conversation that we were having in our messages, so thank you guys for that. You guys are always giving us so much inspo. Yes? Yes. Okay, so let's wrap it up here. Yep. With our pink Spotlight. Spotlight. Pink spotlight. Yeah. Our person, place thing. Tip. Mantra, anything, making life a little better this week. What about you? Go first. All right. So this one was from, I went to book club with my girlfriends mm-hmm. So my book club meets once a month. It's my girlfriend's from home who I love dearly, and as they all know, I can barely make it 'cause I have 500 kids. But last month I was able to make it, but it was a skeleton crew, so we decided to do it at a restaurant. And my girlfriend Laura, has like a culinary background and she always picks like the best places to eat. And they were like different, it's not just like the, you know, yeah. The norm. The norm. So she picked this place in Hartford called Gather 55 And it has a really incredible mission and insanely good food. Mm. It's a nonprofit. Mm-hmm. And it's a pay as you go restaurant that feeds anybody during the day. Oh wow. And it's open for breakfast and lunch. So people are served good food with dignity. And it's like, it's excellent food. It's a beautiful restaurant. And then at nighttime it's open, for profit, but it's like more fine dining. But the money that they get in the evening makes the daytime possible. Oh, nice. If that makes sense. So we went at nighttime for dinner and the menu is. I, I don't wanna say limited 'cause it's certainly not limited, but it's all dishes from all of our favorite local restaurants. So all of the different chefs and owners of the local restaurants around here, I would say like Hartford County, Litchfield County, like pretty close by mm-hmm. Have all offered up a recipe. So like, for instance, like the Billy grant's, like, Mel, uh, pork Meese. Mm-hmm. That's like a staple over there. Mm-hmm. That's on the menu. Um, the Tyler and Anderson, um, what is it, the Kale Caesar that's on the menu. Like there's a lot of, so some of the like famous dishes from lot of local, local restaurant on local on the menu, local restaurants, but anyway, so at Gather 55 every month, I believe they highlight a different local chef. Oh, nice. So when we went last week, like one of my girlfriends said, I wanna order all the diff the dishes from you know, the, this month's fe featured chef. And so you can pay like per dish or you can pay, they have like a prefix thing that's $55. Mm-hmm. Hence the name. Yep. And you get a starter, an entree and a dessert that, it was so nice and it was, the food is excellent. That's amazing. And it is very affordable and it's like good, good food. And then to know that like that it's supporting this great daytime mission. IL that it was just like a bonus. That's great. I love that. It was a bonus and I loved that we tried something new. I love to, yeah. Awesome. Try something new. We've gone to Forge and Fire in Hartford also for dinner. Mm-hmm. Which I believe has not the same mission, but like something similar, like community based. Mm-hmm. Um, so anyways, it was great. That's amazing. You should go there. It's really good. Oh my God, I love that. Love that so much. So mine is a product this week. It is a Titan and Lift neck cream. I feel like if you're listen, if you're like that, if you're literally sitting there and you like, listen to millennial music on repeat, you need a neck cream. And I'll tell you that. For a while. So I've tried a bunch, like I, and I feel like, I don't know, there's something about some of them where I'm just like, for some reason, it doesn't make it into my routine. I don't know if I don't see results like quick enough or if it's just like, oh, this is another step and I don't really feel like I'm getting anything out of it. But I've also tried carrying my own skincare down to my neck. I always forget, and I do that sometimes. I won't say that I do that all the time, but I just don't really see like anything, you know, like it's like it, it feels like if something works on my face, it doesn't work on my neck and it's because it's completely different skin. So I started using this and I will give a plug to my girlfriend, Marissa Mead, who we've had on the podcast, who is at Style Cusp. She actually shared this neck cream a couple of weeks ago, and I grabbed it immediately and I tried it out. So I think I've been using this for about three weeks now. And I am literally already seeing a difference. Now I'm not seeing a difference with like the deep lines, like tech neck lines on my neck, but I'm seeing a difference with just like the texture of the skin. On my neck, I have lines, which are just like hereditary lines. Yeah, they're like those bands. Yeah. You can't, I, you can't get rid of those and like, I feel like unless you do something drastic, you're not gonna get rid of those. Or does that get rid of those? I think you could do like filler or you could do like laser to try to get rid of them. But what I'm seeing a difference is, is just the overall skin on my neck it was looking a little bit like creepy, creepy and kind of like discolored in some areas. And what I'm finding now is it just looks a lot more smooth overall. So like perfect. The lines aren't going away. No. You're like, you're not gonna have something that just like a cream is gonna take those like deep set lines away. Especially if you're like in your forties, your fifties, your sixties and you're listening to us. I'm not gonna claim it does that, but I just found that the texture of my neck, like within days of using it just looked so much more hydrated and it almost like lightened it and smoothed it out. So I even feel like my makeup, like when I blend my makeup down my neck, like everything it, instead of it like setting in. Mm-hmm. It just kind of like looked a lot smoother and I love it. It also has caffeine in it and it is a safe and clean product, which I really liked. It's by Go Pure is the brand. And I was actually using their belly cream as well for like, some stretch marks and kind of like creepy. Oh, it says right on there. Yeah. Tighten and lift neck cream. Yes. Tighten and lift neck cream. So I feel like it really is doing, use it at night or during the day. I actually started using it twice because I I, and that Okay. 'cause you said makeup, you blend your makeup. Yes, yes. And I feel, but I also feel like it, my neck is moisturized. Like it actually feels hydrated. And I don't think I ever noticed how dehydrated my neck felt Yeah. Until it felt hydrated. And then I was like, oh, this actually feels really good. Like, I'm completely missing this part of my skincare. Right. And so I'm loving this. Oh, I wanna try it. Especially now, like if I wear a bathing suit, I always feel like I have crepeness, like where my Yes. Can bring it all the way down your like chest. You know, like it's just for any of that area. But I, I really have like this, I need that for my entire body. Yes. I just need to like. I need like my entire body to lift and tie in. Same girl. What are we gonna say to ourselves or to each other in like another 20 years? I don't know. I do. Maybe we just will like lose our vision and we won't, and sense of like touch and won't care. But right now my vision is very much there and I, I know every single chin hair I know and every single crepey, everything I know. And I'm not loving it. No, I'm not loving it. But we're gonna go into our forties with a positive mindset. But it's not, this is bullshit. It's not, it's not like it's, yes, there's an element of vanity to it and obviously I care. But like there is something behind, like, if you are like, oh, I look good, then you feel good. Yeah. And I wasn't even realizing like my neck it wasn't something that I was like looking at all the time that I was like, oh, this bothers me. But then I was like, wow, this like actually feels really nice, you know? So it when something like that happens, I'm more encouraged to keep using it. Mm-hmm. Especially when there's more of like an immediate result where I'm like, mm-hmm Oh, this immediately looks good after a few days. And it's because my neck has been very hydrated. I need a drastic before and after within like 30 seconds of application in order for me to try again. I know I have, have zero patience, like the whitening toothpaste. Like it needs to make my teeth sparkle in 20 minutes, day one. Or forget it. I know this is a garbage product. I know. Which, I know things don't work like that. I love, especially skincare. I know, but that's just, we can wish, that's just how like discouraged I get sometimes. Yeah. You just throw in the towel so quickly. Forget it. Yeah. You gotta commit. Oh, it, this has been a fun episode. I hope you guys like to take this. I know. I love this, this one, and we will be back with you next week. Yes. See you all next week. Bye bye.