Episode 58: What Authenticity Really Means: Trust, Vulnerability, Consistency, and Showing Up as Your Real Self

Episode Description

In this solo episode, Christina and Kristina break down what authenticity actually means and why it’s more than just “being yourself.” They explore how trust, vulnerability, and consistency shape how you show up in your life, relationships, and online.

What You’ll Hear

• Why authenticity isn’t a personality
• Trust as the foundation for being real
• Vulnerability vs. oversharing
• Why consistency builds trust over time
• Social media vs. real-life authenticity
• Why most people aren’t fake, just guarded

Sponsor of the Episode

This episode is sponsored by Sam Fongemie of LUX Hair Co.

She’s been doing both Christina and Kristina’s hair and extensions and is offering listeners a discount on extensions.

Find her on Instagram: @paintloveblend to book a consultation.

💗 Pink Spotlight

Each week, we highlight a moment, product, or practice that’s bringing us joy:

Christina: A ChatGPT color analysis hack that identified her as a Warm Autumn and made getting dressed, doing makeup, and shopping so much easier. Everything in her wardrobe now works together, which has been a game changer for everyday style.

T: The How to Be Awesome at Everything podcast, loved for its quick, positive, and informative episodes. It helped shape how she wants to show up on Pretty in Pink Again.

Christina’s Color Analysis Hack (How to Do It)

1. Take a photo in natural light by a window with minimal or no makeup
2. Upload it to ImageColorPicker.com
3. Click to grab 2–3 hex codes from your skin, eyes, hair, lips, and brows
4. Paste into ChatGPT using this prompt:

I want to find my seasonal color analysis using the 12-season system.

Based on my hex codes, tell me:
- My season
- My undertone (warm/cool/neutral)
- My contrast level
- Best colors for clothing, makeup, and hair
- Colors to avoid

Hex codes:
Skin:
Eyes:
Hair:
Lips:
Eyebrows:

Connect With Us

Follow along and stay connected:

prettyinpinkagain 

@christinatarabishy

@kristinabontempo

Transcript

0:00

I'm Christina and I'm t and this is the Pretty and Pink Again podcast where motherhood meets where discovery. Hi. Hi. What's going on? How are you? I'm good. It's a rainy, cold day here today in Connecticut. We're sitting here in our hot Tommy's vest. We didn't even plan it. It's just that cold. If you guys missed last week's episode, we talked to the founder of Hot Tommy's who makes heated apparel, and Connecticut's been like funky this last couple of weeks. Like it's just, it doesn't know who it wants to be, you know? Mm-hmm. We we're talking today about it's not being very authentic, or maybe it is authentic to Connecticut. It is authentic to Connecticut. Connecticut is just consistently and consistent with it. Its weather. Exactly. Exactly. So we're like. We were like in shorts one day this week. And now we're in heated vests. So I know Gina was off from school this week. She's a teacher. Mm-hmm. And she was like, I got a sunburn the other day. I was like, outside tanning. Oh yeah, I got a sunburn. I'm like, and it was humid. It was like, and a sweatshirt. I'm freezing. It was like raining here. Yeah. And she was sunbathing in New Jersey. I know. And I feel like I have very like frizzy curly hair in, in the humidity. And this week it was just, it's like the frizz factor was a 10. Yeah. It was crazy. But, well, I was telling you, we went to bed last night with the windows open and the attic fan on 'cause it was so hot in the house. Mm-hmm. And then we woke up, we all overslept 'cause it was so cold in our rooms and we woke up in the temperature, said it was 56 degrees in the house. I'm like, when did that happen? Yeah, overnight. Overnight. It just happens overnight. Overnight. But here we are nice and toasty. I just put up the heat. We're in our heated vest and we were actually talking with Ashley offline last week. So after we got done recording and this morning before we started this morning, and actually this conversation kind of came from a few of our most recent guests. I feel like we've done just a lot of chatting, both obviously on the podcast and then off the podcast and this topic of authenticity keeps coming up and t and I always like to get our episode ideas, like sometimes there will be just. As simple as a word, that keeps getting used. Mm-hmm. And we're like, Ooh, we wanna pull on that thread a little bit more because this topic of authenticity is just everywhere right now in our conversations, like woven in, in like female founders in influencers that we've had on here. And this topic is just everywhere. And we wanted to dissect the topic. And spoiler alert is t and I have a little bit of a different definition to each of us about what makes, I guess, either ourselves authentic or what we perceive as authentic. So well we're also talk about that we're also, we're also different people. Very. So I think what's interesting is, is that when we were starting the, this conversation, we weren't agreeing on what's authentic. No. But it's because. We are both different people, so me acting one way is authentic to me. You acting another is authentic to you, right? Right. When you meet somebody new and you don't know who they are and you're trying to figure out who they are and if they're being authentic, sometimes maybe if they're not like you or if they're a loud person or if they're a quiet person, or if they're somebody that holds information close to the vest or if they're an overshare or if you know, you're trying to observe them in several different habitats. Mm-hmm. To figure out. Who they are and if they're being authentic. Right. Or if you're following somebody online who has an online personality and then you meet them in real life, you were saying like your gold standard of that is like, you want those two to match up together. That's like the ultimate feel good compliment when it comes to having a persona online is that when people come up to me and they say, you're just like, how I would've imagined you. Right. 'cause it's, it's, it matches how you are online. That to me is the nicest compliment that I could ever receive. So I love hearing that when it happens, but, right. So I think that we have to strip it down to less about like. Qualities of, of, of a person because like those could change person to person dependent and like how you look for authenticity overall. Mm-hmm. So actually we called Ashley this morning because I was like, just call her because when we had her here talking the other day, she, we were like, oh, we're on to something. We're on to something. Yeah. So we have like a couple of key words that we're going to weave through this podcast that we think helps define authenticity and can also help you when you're trying to decipher are you being authentic to yourself or is somebody that you are around not being authentic, right? Like it might help like yes. Help, you know, guide you, guide you. It's like the North Star. There's a couple of these words when you feel like these words come over and over again but I wanted to kind of tackle, I think the misconception of being authentic and about authenticity in general. What think, defines authenticity? This is not right. This is just how I feel is I think it's being very open, saying everything on your mind, right? Like no filter. Being confident and outgoing. That might be being one of the louder people in the room. Right. And then maybe just showing everything about your life. Right? And that could be either in person, like storytelling, that could be online, just kind of like showing all facets of your life and not doing a lot of withholding. That's probably a misconception, because I don't think that's what it actually is. It's just like in my mind when I'm thinking about somebody authentic, those are the things that come to my mind. Well, aren't those a lot of qualities of context? Extrover an extrovert and an extrovert. And an extrovert, and you're not any of those things. No. But you're also a authentic person. So by saying like those are all qualities of an authentic person, you're probably over here being like, wait a minute, no. Am being authentic. I'm not any of those things. Right? But I'm also authentic, right? So I think that. A person can be authentic and hold all of those same qualities. Mm-hmm. Or a person can be inauthentic and just play those roles. Yes. Because that's how maybe they have to show up. Yes. Or maybe that's how they're choosing to show up. Yes. So I think that you can't say if you're allowed and you're confident appearing and you are, you know, spill the beans, you're authentic. Is that what you think of, or what do you think of when you're thinking of somebody authentic? Well, I think when I think of somebody that's being authentic, I think of somebody that can listen and ask questions and show up pretty much the same in all situations. Consistency. So yeah. So that word consistency. And let me give you a couple of examples and I show up on this podcast. As Christina Bon tempo, maybe I overshare on the podcast. When I'm on Instagram, I show up as Christina Bon Tempo. Maybe I'm that visual platform. I show up, turned down a hair a notch, right? Maybe when I'm at a cocktail party, when I don't know anybody, I turn myself down a notch. Mm-hmm. But I think if I'm showing up consistent in all three forums, then I'm being authentic. Right. But it might just be so, it doesn't matter if I'm loud or I'm quiet or I am, whatever. I don't think it matters what my qualities are as long as they show up. Pretty much the same in all different forums. So it could be just slightly edited versions of yourself, if you will. Yeah. Maybe, I don't know, edited to, edited. To me, I don't even know if I like that word. But it maybe slightly polished. Maybe polished. Slightly refined. Right, right. You know. I also think, like I know how to read a room. I know that when I go to a school function, maybe I'm not gonna show up in yoga pants and a crop top. Maybe I'll throw on a sweatshirt at the school. But to me, I'm authentic in workout clothes, but I know how to slightly edit myself to, you know, back to that, to that point, right? Depending on where I go, right? But is that me not being authentic? No, maybe I just can read the room. Yes. Maybe if I'm at an event that I'm not hosting, that somebody else is hosting, maybe I'm not gonna be the one that shows up in the loudest, most elaborate dress. Maybe in that situation I'll wear something a little more understated. Well, you're talking very physical outward, right? But what about personality wise? Like, do you feel like you filter yourself a little bit more in those functions? Like if, if you are maybe at a larger gathering, are you a little bit more quiet? Are you a little bit more reserved? Or if you're at a school function, are you a little bit more polished and professional? Just like when you would show up at a job interview? You know, like it's, I think it gets tricky and gray, right? Yeah. See, when I think of, 'cause I was asking myself these questions before, like, who are you even? Mm-hmm. Because I think before you can. Start talking about like authenticity, you have to find out like how do you show up consistently every day? Mm-hmm. And I think consistently every day I show up with some humor and I think I would show up with some humor at a job interview. I think I would show up with, show some humor with my husband at a work function. Right? I think I show up here with a little bit of humor here. 'cause I think that's how I like to make people feel comfortable with me is by lightening the mood. Right? So I would like to say that I like to engage other people and make them feel comfortable around me. Mm-hmm. And that's something that I take with me to all different forms of my life. I think that's, again, back to the the gold star of everything, that's what everyone would hope to feel within themselves. I don't think that's something that everybody could say, even myself included. You know, I think that I probably, because I have an online presence and I kind of have grown up over the last 15 years with that, and it's evolved because it went from really being like photo and blog driven to this Instagram stories and day in my life content and all of that. And I've had to adapt to that obviously while also going through like real life things. And so I think that I just have a very different perception of. Myself being authentic and then also seeing through other people. So then if you like just closed your eyes and you thought inward to yourself, like where are you your most authentic self? We pulled our audience. Mm-hmm. Where are you your most authentic self? I do think sitting in this chair, I think because I have allowed a lot of vulnerability in this chair. I think vulnerability is another one of those words that keeps like surfacing, right? Like when we're talking about this and in my thoughts, people connect to vulnerability too. They do. Yes. So I think that, again, back to, you don't have to be the loudest, most. Maybe like revealing, right? In order to be vulnerable, you can be vulnerable in a quiet, understated way. And so I think that I have felt more authentic to myself by being vulnerable and maybe sharing thoughts that maybe I bottle up in my head. I think that I've been become more comfortable with being vulnerable and letting people in, and then that in turn makes people feel more connected to me and makes well then they trust you feel more. Exactly. They make, so that's another, they feel more connect and then they feel like I'm more genuine and authentic. But I also see the other side of that where just because someone isn't being open and vulnerable all the time, it doesn't make them inauthentic or it doesn't make, if I just, because I wasn't talking about all of these things, now I feel like I just almost have like verbal diarrhea where I come on here and I'm just like every single thing that I wanna ever talk about in my mind, I'm like, oh, I feel like so comfortable sharing that now. But there was a point in my life where I didn't feel comfortable sharing those things online, or even just in person. So do you to certain people just weren't being authentic then? No, I don't. I think that it's, I don't think that I wasn't being authentic. You were just being maybe a little bit more reserved and guarded. Okay. So then I don't think that authenticity is a personality trait. Or a level of openness. Right? Authenticity is more, in alignment when your words match your actions. So if your words were lacking, well, so were your actions, you were also home in your house during that time. Mm-hmm. So you were being authentic. And now your words are flowing and look, you're out and you're living. So I feel like that is a true testament to you being authentic during these two times. Right? But I think that the misconception would be that if you're not oversharing and being vulnerable and. Kind of like laying it all out there for everybody to hear and dissect that maybe you're not being authentic. Right? Like I, that's I guess in my mind, and again, I always bring our conversations back to social media. It's probably just because of the world that I've been in for so long. But sometimes, you follow someone online, right? And then all of a sudden they open up and they start saying, oh, behind the scenes there has been all of this going on, and maybe you didn't know it, then maybe you were having trouble connecting with that person for a while. But that also makes you lose trust in that person. It does. I'm thinking of like a reality TV show that I watch. Like I love The Housewives. Mm-hmm. And when you watch Housewives and then, so you spend a whole year, they spend a year of their lives filming. Mm-hmm. Or maybe it's three months, maybe it's six months, whatever. And then a year later you find out that all this stuff was going on while they were filming. Right. Then you don't wanna trust anything that they showed you during those. Six months. Right. I guess technically they have every right to guard parts of their lives, but when you find out things were going on and they were showing up as somebody, and all this other stuff was going on behind the scenes, you lose trust, then you lose trust. Yes. It's a slippery slope. It really is. So I see the other side, but I will also say that the best conversations that I have with my friends that I trust the most, and I think, trust me the most are one-on-one for sure. They're not even in a group. Sure. They are one-on-one. They are private conversations that we're having, like on the phone or over coffee or while we're folding laundry. And those are private conversations. Nobody else is saying those conversations. Mm-hmm. They're not even like in real life. They're like usually like through a phone and I don't share, I would never share with another friend. And those are authentic conversations where we're telling our deepest, darkest secrets, so you're not being loud. So sometimes you have, you can spill the beans in private, but not out in public. So that's being genuine, that's building trust and that's consistent, which is something that you definitely need in relationships, I think even with your spouse or you know, with your partner. And then I also think that you need those in friendships too, in any sort of relationship, right. I think that you build trust by showing up the same most days for people. So I guess you can probably, I'm talking more about like in real life situations, and I think you're talking more about people showing up on the internet. Mm-hmm. Which gets a little confusing because sometimes when people show up on the internet, maybe they're trying to monetize a business or sell a product, and you want to do that by building trust with your audience. Mm-hmm. Right. But. It gets confusing. Like, do you use that product? Are you getting paid to promote the product? Is the person that you're watching, getting paid to promote that product? So now, do you not trust them? Do you still trust them? Yeah. I know we can totally dissect it. I think from an online standpoint, and I'm sure anybody who's listening obviously consumes content and could think of people that they follow, whether it's businesses, influencers, friends, and family. Like it's interesting to think of how everybody shows up online, somewhat of a version of themselves. Mm-hmm. You, because it's not like the Truman Show where you're just like running a live feed about your life. So any single thing that anybody puts out there is somewhat curated, edited to a degree. But then also in everyday situation. So I know we're coming at it from two different angles. We're talking about the importance of being. Authentic in any sort of relationship that you have, especially around like groups of friends, I think that the word consistency shows up in that. So if we're talking about offline and in groups of friends, right? Or like any relationship that you have, I think consistency is the key word there. Like are you somebody who shows up to a group of friends and you're performative one week and then the next week you're vulnerable and then the next week you're more guard. I think that that's hard for people to connect to. Well, when there's lack of consistency in how you show up as a, as a person, well maybe that person maybe shouldn't be around that. Those group of people, if they have to be performative. Right to show up. But I'm even talking about dissecting somebody, like you're like, I think that there's one way to look at it as like showing up. Are you being the person that's being authentic? Or if you're an outside person and you're trying to form a relationship with somebody, it's hard to form a relationship with somebody who is inconsistent in their actions, in the way that they show up in their mannerisms towards you. Mm-hmm. So when you're constantly guessing about somebody and you don't know, that's when you sort of get that like weird feeling where you're like, I cannot read this person Well, yes. Yes. And sometimes you, if you only are friends with somebody in a group mm-hmm. You can't connect with them because you know the group version of them. Right. And sometimes the group version is you have to be a little quieter. You don't wanna overshare just because you're just trying to be respectful of like the group conversation. Right. You don't wanna maybe take over or maybe what you share is not. Everything that's going on. So then you're like, wait, I don't even, I don't even know this person. I've been friends with 'em for a year and I don't even know them. Sometimes the only way to really get to know them is a one-on-one. Do you find yourself drawn to certain, we're saying that authenticity is not a quality, but do you find yourself drawn to more authentic people? Because I certainly do then when I'm around someone that I deem authentic, I feel like then I can be extremely authentic. If I'm around someone where I don't know the vibe, right? Like I don't know if they're being authentic, I don't know their two thoughts, I can't tell if they're being performative or not. I then almost like emulate that exact vibe, and then I become probably a little bit more guarded, a little bit more quiet, a little bit more reserved. I just notice in scenarios that when I'm with someone who is, and that's probably why back to the beginning of the episode, why I deem those people authentic is like, it's almost like the vibe that they give off. Like if I feel like they're authentic because maybe they share a little bit more, they're more unfiltered, they maybe like swear in front of me, and then you're just like, oh, this person's guard is down. Like they are cool. We're vibing, right? Like they feel good. I feel good. I become. A much more authentic version of myself, if you will. Right. Like when I'm around that type of person, do you feel the same way? Do you think that that's like a natural thing? Yes, but I don't feel like I vibe always vibe off. Like I think you wait to see, like you don't go first. I don't share the cards first. You don't share the cards first. Right? Right. You kind of wait for the other person's energy. Yes. And then you go back I And then I might match it. And then you match it. And then you go, right. Whereas I, but so then it, does that make me an authentic? I don't think so. I just think it's how you feel comfortable. Yes. Going. Whereas I don't wait. I think I, you just are, maybe I go first. Then I see what I get back. And then I ask the questions. Yeah. I'm a question asker. Yeah. That's just very interesting to think about that. I'm sure everybody listening is like thinking about scenarios in their head. And I'm wondering if you feel the same way. Do you go first? That's kind of like the way, right. But I'm also not always attracted to the loudest person in the room. My husband is the quietest person in the room. Mm-hmm. He's also, I think, the most interesting and has the most to stay. And if I think of my closest friends, you included, you are not the loudest person in the room. No. You could turn into one in five minutes once you get comfortable. For sure. And I love that version of you too. But you're not the loudest to start. And I think that just happens to be what I'm attracted to. And I think that when you end up figuring out a vibe pretty quickly, it's a dynamic. Right. And a dynamic then. You build trust, then you can share and then you have a nice authentic exchange, right? And then you can like continuously show up with that same dynamic. And it makes it comfortable and it makes it consistent right. I have a few friends who when I first met them I was like, who the fuck are you? I cannot figure you out. 'cause you do one thing and you act like one thing, but then you say another, like, who are you? I cannot figure you out. And you do not do well with that. But I don't either don't, I don't think anybody does well with that. I don't. I agree. I think so. But then, but. Then I'm like, but I wanna figure them out because I like them. You're intrigued. So I'm intrigued, like, what are we missing here? Right. And sometimes what we are just missing is the environment. Right. The environment is not allowing for a beautiful friendship. Right. Or sometimes motherhood has made me be like, wait a minute. What kind? I thought you were this person. Now you're a mother and you're this person. I actually think this is like an identity crisis. Well, that's how I, I'm so confused. I actually think that motherhood, and we always love to bring it back to motherhood when we can because it's so interesting. I actually think that motherhood has changed me in so many ways. And I think that depending on who you are in my life, it might have impacted how someone views me. I think that I used to be. One way to certain people. And now I'm so much more unfiltered, vulnerable, and so other people might think that I'm like much more authentic now, but maybe if you knew me before, that shift is so, has been so like violent, right? Mm-hmm. That I feel like maybe it feels inauthentic because I've almost become so different. But back to the point where we were talking, you can still have different versions of yourself and you can still allow for growth and that should not impact authenticity. Let me ask you this, because this has been your profession for years. I think that part of your job is you have to show up online mm-hmm. And share with your followers. Mm-hmm. Who trust you. Mm-hmm. You build a trust with them. Have you ever had a fear of judgment from the people following you? Of course. And I mean, I figured, yeah. Probably that, so people might answer that differently, but I Of course. So if you have a fear of judgment Yep. How do you be vulnerable and be authentic? Because can you think you can be vulnerable and share at the same time? Like for instance, if you're getting online and you're sharing, you have to have some level of vulnerability, I think, to build trust with your viewers. But if you, in the back of your mind, are thinking, everything I share is being judged, how do you make those things happen at the same time? I don't know if you can. Whereas when you come on the mic here, I don't know if you have that same fear of judgment. Well, so that's interesting because I think because I've been doing this for so long, so any new listeners, I have been a content creator for 15 years. It'll be this year, right? I started in 2011. I started primarily as a fashion influencer and then sprinkled in some beauty and travel and all of those kind of other pillars started kind of coming into the mix naturally. I think when I was only talking about those things, it was extremely easy to almost dissociate because fashion and beauty and all of that stuff. Like, yeah, I could talk about insecurities for dressing a certain way or you know, try to connect with people in that way. But it was really mainly editorial. Fashion, I mean we've had a handful of conversations with other influencers on here about how different the content was back then, so I think that this is something that I've grown into over the last 15 years, and it wasn't something that I started out with, so I think it was. Easy for me at the beginning to almost not have to reveal any of my cards, any of my personality. There was also less avenues to do so there was no Instagram stories. So you literally did not know what someone's voice sounded like if you were following them on a blog, unless they had a YouTube or something. There really wasn't avenues to share that sort of content back then. And that has evolved since. So I think that I started out a certain way, like almost not even having to share those things because people just wanted to shop off of me. I do think that some, that you need some sort of relatability to someone. So someone literally might've seen me and said, oh, I'm a brunette too. Maybe they live. Location wise, close to me. Like there has to be a connection point for someone to see someone online and be like, I see myself in that person, or I just am entertained by them, or I am intrigued by them. Like there has to be some sort of like connection piece. But I think for me back then, people may have just physically saw something, right? Because there was no way to like emotionally connect at that time, unless they were reading something. They said, oh, I'm getting married this year too. Oh, I like to travel to those places. I'm a brunette., I could see myself in something like that. I have her coloring, right? Like those were the connection pieces back then when I started a blog. And then as time went on. And there was more access to reveal yourself, like there's Instagram stories, there was more video content that was being on the feed. And that is where it was a huge pivot for me to have to incorporate all those things. And at the same time, I think the consumer of the content also changed. People were tired of seeing just like the same pretty images online. They really wanted more to connect with because it started to be such an oversaturated market. So I think that I learned and adapted over time to try to connect to my audience in a different way. Because your audience is evolving their phone Yes. And looking to make connections, not just with a five, four brunette girl who you know Right. Is in her early thirties. Right. You know, she wants to see the new mom and the struggles going on behind that new mom. Exactly. So tell me about that or Exactly. You know, and then, okay. You. I'm also building a house, so maybe I'll take some of your home and too. Exactly. Exactly. But I need something more to anchor to that. Exactly. And so I think that my journey as a content creator was very like evolutionary. It just like evolved over time and as things were happening and I had to adapt to the style of content. So yes, we went from creating very pretty edited images and kind of like writing in my point of view and my narration of things to then. Adapting to stories to then including long form video to it. Just, it kind of evolved and I almost listened to my audience and like what they wanted because I don't think that I'm a like loud, outspoken human being. I just kind of almost listened to my audience, like, what do you wanna know? You know, like, oh, okay, so you're looking for connection points. I have those things. And so then it just kind of naturally started to share. Now, I also shared back when with my infertility journey, that was something that I did not do in real time. I opened up about a lot of things after they had almost resolved themselves. Other people feel more comfortable doing those things in real time. That's like a personality battle, right? Like I don't have that in me to go through something very like traumatic and horrible, you know? Yeah. But nor where should you have to, and I don't think that that means you're not being authentic. I don't think one has to do with the other. I just think that if you know that you're showing up online for 200,000 followers or however many followers you have, you know, it could be 2000 followers. Right. And you don't know who those people are. Right. And maybe you're just not choosing to share with those people. That's okay. I don't think that that means you're not authentic, I just think that you might put trust in to other people and as long as you're being consistent around that, I think you're, that's when you're Right. Okay. I have to put you girls onto my hair, girl because I get asked about my hair all of the time. Her name is Sam Fmi from Lux Hair Co here in Connecticut, and she's been doing my hair for over five years now, and T has probably been seeing her for double that. And when I tell you people literally travel to see her, I mean it. She is the extension queen in our area. I feel like extensions sometimes get a bad reputation, like people assume they're damaging or will ruin your hair, and I can honestly say that is not the case when you go to someone who actually knows what they're doing. Sam is that person. She actually had me take a break from my extensions recently, and when she took them out, washed my hair and blew it out, I was shocked. My natural hair was so healthy. Like better than I could have ever expected. And a huge part of that is because of how she installs them and maintains them. And what I love about extensions with her is it's not just about length. Yes, you get that beautiful fullness and volume, but you can also add dimension without overprocessing your real hair. So you're not constantly coloring it or damaging it. Also, I swear my hair is easier when I have extensions in. It holds a curl longer. My blowouts last for days. I use way less heat, and even throwing it up in a clip or a bun just looks better and feels easier. She has this insane technique where even if I wear my hair up, you cannot see the rose. She just gets it. If you've been thinking about extensions or even want a refresh book, a consultation with Sam and her team at Lux Hair Co, and you can find her on Instagram at at Paint Love Blend. Make sure to tell them that Pretty and Pink again sent you because they're offering an amazing discount on extensions for our listeners. Trust me, once you go to her, you're not going anywhere else. So back to your question about do I think that fear of judgment can hinder authenticity? Yeah. Like, in my mind, yes. Like, I would say that can't, that is like the reason I think so, and I mean that, again, that might be like a personality thing but I also think that as you get older and, and you've gone through experiences, now I'm talking about myself and my experience. I find myself more comfortable sharing these things. I also find myself not really giving a shit what other people think. And I think that that's something that I have talked about in numerous podcasts. I think that through aging just naturally. Mm-hmm. And I think through going through experiences, I do think that I'm finding myself. More unfiltered, more not giving an F about what anybody has to say. I feel like the guests that we've had on also agree with that. So I don't know if that's like an aged thing, if that's just that everybody's so tired of being, but don't also think you're finally seen. And once you feel seen, then it's easier to be be that way then it's easier to be that way maybe. So that's a good point. I have realized that I'm not somebody that performs well. I'm somebody that connects well and I can be just naturally animated. But if somebody says, okay, now pose, I get very awkward. You do. I get so awkward if it's like on command. Yes. Like I can't perform, but I can naturally be like animated. Yes. But the second I feel like a little friction. I shut down. So what's the friction now? And I can become very icy. So one can almost be like, for instance, like Okay, smile and pose. Yes. Like, oh my God, no. Like, and I'm like the opposite where I'm like, uncomfortable. I'm like, oh, I'm in my element. Now we are, we literally just, were at an event and she like looked at me like, this is awkward. I'm filming my dress. And I'm like, what? Like you, I know. Well, 'cause just it, to me it just feels like, I don't know. It felt like a fake moment. Yeah. So I get very uncomfortable. That's interesting. And so I'll say like, this has changed a lot, but I know a lot of women like struggle when they meet their in-laws because they don't know how to act in front of them. And I, for so long was like, I don't even think my in-laws know who I am. They don't know who I am. They don't see me and they don't see me because I was performing around them. Yep. Because I didn't know how to be myself around them. So multiple things happen. I think that that's a very common thing. You're trying to put your best foot forward in an instant. Right? But then you end up not having trust. Right. Right, you're not consistent, you're inconsistent. There's no comfortable factor. Right. I'm certainly not vulnerable around them. Right, right. I'm like acting like this confident version of myself or I'm just completely tight. Like tightlipped tightlipped. Yep. And that can be misconstrued for being like an icy bitch. Yes. So I think a lot of women struggle with this. That's like a whole issue why I think people have issues with their in-laws,\ But I think it's just because you don't know how to act. And I think that obviously like, yes, with the in-laws, but also Yes. Just in general. And I think that you just made the connection on why maybe somebody who may have met me at different points might think that I'm an icy bitch, is because of that reason. If I don't know how to read the room and I don't know how I'm supposed to act, I go inward. Right. I guess I'm using them as like a point of reference because. That's somebody that like, you have to like that relationship won't go away. Oh, no, I, you have to like think That's so relatable. You have to, like everybody has, for the most part, everybody has in-laws, but everybody has been in a room or in a circle of friends that maybe made them feel that way. Maybe they just don't reenter that room or maybe they exit that circle of friends. Mm-hmm. Okay, so then you retreat. And I'm certainly not being authentic, so of course they don't know who I am and of course they can't see me. Yeah. Because they don't know who I am. Yeah. Because I've never showed them. My cards. Yep. Yes. So I, I, I think that's so relatable. I think that even if someone doesn't necessarily have that exact situation with Inlaws, I didn't really have that exact, I know what you're saying about just trying to put your best foot forward. Right. It took me a little bit longer to just get, feel comfortable revealing all my cards, but I'm there now, but, right. But I, but I think that just in general, we'll, same, and that's why I can say it now. Yes. I think just in general, people can envision themselves in a scenario where you've done that. Because which is very natural, you know, there's like a fear of judgment. I guess my point is like, I wasn't trying to be fake. I was being guarded, and I think that being fake and being guarded sometimes can be maybe misused. Yes. Like the terms aren't the same. I think fake is like you're performing, you're doing something that's not true. So you're acting a certain way and it's not aligned with who you really are. Whereas guarded is maybe omitting Yes. Which could be a cousin to lying. I don't know. I agree with that, but I also see the point of, I think, omission in that aspect, right? Like, you're not putting all your cards out for everybody. It's self preservation. Yes. But so back to your point about doing that online. Yes. But I also, again, I've preached this a million times on here. I don't think that you have to reveal all of your cards in order to be authentic. Don't, I don't as, as long as you show up consistently. I think that there's a difference between omitting information and maybe not feeling comfortable enough to share every single facet that's going on in your mind, right? Mm-hmm. Versus going online and being a complete bullshit act, you know? Right. And like acting a completely different way, maybe like using a different voice, acting a little bit more. I'm outgoing. That has happened to me numerous times before where I have met somebody that I know that I was either friendly with online or met or followed, and I met them and they had a completely different persona online. And then you meet them in person and you're like, wow, that is not at all who. I thought I was following, could that be just an encounter situation? Sure. Has that happened to me where I've met the same person multiple times and I'm like, this is not at all, like this is not the person online. Right. I think that's being inauthentic. Right? Right. Like you're showing a different version of yourself. Right. Than you really are. I'll always give someone a hall pass. Right, right. Because maybe that first time they were being guarded because they didn't know what was coming at them because of past experiences. Right. But if it happens more than once, or if you hear, I was gonna say, or if someone has another situ, or if someone else has a similar experience similar to that, then you can be like, wow, that does not match. And that's a very weird feeling to be in, you know? Well, I think that just goes to show you that sharing with your followers does not make you authentic. Authentic. It doesn't, it doesn't always build trust and being loud and oversharing doesn't make you be authentic. You're right. And also withholding doesn't make you inauthentic authentic. Such a good. So I think that that's great to Very good distinction. Dis Yeah. Distinguish the two. Yep. And I agree. And a just good thought process to keep in the back of your mind in this very like, online weird world that we live in. Well, people crave connection in some way, shape, or form. Mm-hmm. And I think that when you're scanning the room to find like, who are you gonna gravitate to? Mm-hmm. I think it's kind of good to sort of like, look for these three things. Yes. Like consistency. Maybe you don't see that. Maybe that isn't gonna show up first if you're just meeting somebody for the first time. Yeah. But maybe like if you're meeting somebody you know, multiple times, or if you have kids that are just entering school for the first time and you're trying to make mom friends, like Yeah. Consistently, like, or. You know, are you gonna be attracted to the mom that's 15 minutes late that, you know, has the messy car? That's like, sort of silly. That was me. Yeah, that's you. Or are you, you know, I guess it's just, who are you gonna build that trust with? You know, who are you gonna have those one-on-one talks with? Yeah. And then also like, look inward, like. When are you your most authentic self? Right? And what are your traits that show up day in and day out? I think that as we're approaching our forties, there is nothing stronger to me than wanting to be around that sort of energy though. Mm-hmm. I think that it's very important to, and that we're just in this phase of life, right? Where there's like so much less time. There's so many opportunities to like, compare yourself and be in weird scenarios that, that connection piece, like, I wanna feel connected to people. Mm-hmm. I wanna feel like I'm in the company of authentic people. I don't wanna be around bullshit. I don't wanna be around people who make me feel a weird way, you know? So I think that it's also okay to be having these feelings. And if you wanna be in the presence of those people, you wanna be in that club. You have to put off those same things. Exactly. You don't get, can't expect, you're right. You don't get to be in the big girl club by, act by. You know, acting by, by performing. Yep. Right. The only way you get a pass to that club Yep. Is by not performing. Right. So you want to feel safe enough to be real. You wanna be seen. And you need to be willing to be seen, and then you need to see other people as well. Mm-hmm. 'cause we're saying it's a two-way street and you show up that way consistently. So that's how, our conversation feels like you would then be deemed an authentic version of yourself. I think the best way to see somebody else is to ask them a few questions. Hmm. A few questions. You don't need to interrogate somebody, although sometimes I, I accidentally do that. You do. You love a question, but just ask somebody a question. Get curious. Mm-hmm. See how they answer you. That's a great way to see if somebody is authentic. And then if that also helps build trust, you can very quickly realize if this person is for you or not for you. Mm-hmm. And the night they don't have to be for you. You don't even have to be for them. That's okay. Then you go to a different club. One other reason why I think authenticity matters, because women are also always talking about like the mental load, like pretending and over filtering is exhausting. So I think once you feel more comfortable. Being who you are authentically. Mm-hmm. It also can free up a lot of space in you that you maybe spent overthinking conversations. Like if you leave a dinner and every time you leave that dinner you're worried that you said too much and you overthink every single thing you did. Mm-hmm. Maybe you weren't being authentic at that dinner. Because you had a fear of people judging you that were at that dinner. Or maybe like, maybe you weren't trying to show up lying. Maybe there's just some people that make, don't give you the per, or maybe you haven't given yourself the permission or maybe those people don't give you the feeling or the permission to show up as you are. Mm-hmm. And you end up overthinking everything. Mm-hmm. And that's exhausting. Yes. That takes up that word, that mental load that adds to the mental load for sure. I so let's go into our pink spotlight. Ooh. Okay. So for any of our new listeners, which we have lots of new listeners, this is our person, place thing, tip, mantra, Anything Making life a little bit better this week. So. One of the first podcasts that I listened to years ago was the How to Be Awesome At Everything Podcast. Love that. And she's so cute. I'll link her on here. Her name is Lindsay Dick. How? She's from Orange County, California and she just has like such a high, highly spirited energy. I started following her during COVID when it was during the lockdown, and I just thought that like even in such a dark time, she still got up and she curled her hair and she worked out and she like did cute activities with her kids and I don't know, she was just trying to like make every day fun instead of being woes me. So I found her content back there. Very inspiring. And I guess that's just a little bit how I like to connect with people. Mm-hmm. When people try to make, it's like your positivity when people just try to make the best out of things. Right. Because Yeah. That's nice. You know, I like to, I like content like that. Yeah. Okay, obviously this is a hard time for our family. Like we're not lying about that, but let's try to make the best out of it. Right. So she creates a lot of content like that. So she started a podcast called How to Be Awesome At Everything. Love it. And it was just kinda like a fun play on words. So she does these solo episodes, they're usually 30 minutes. And it's like how to be awesome at hiding from drama, how to be awesome at this, how to be awesome at that. And one of her podcasts that I love and I use every day is like How to be Awesome at getting in my tens. And a 10 is like a 10 of a day. Yes. Her most recent episode that I was listening to was this. She said This line and this mantra that I love and it was good for her, not for me. Oh good for them, not for us. And what it does is if my family sees somebody out and they are dressed in like a thong with blue hair, we don't need to gawk and we don't need to make it a thing. But we can say good for them. But you know what? Not for us. And that can be enough validation that maybe these aren't the same values as our family. We have different values, but we're also not gonna knock theirs. So Well that's also that them Interesting that you kind of, I thought that's interesting that you took it that way because when I heard it, I would've thought almost in like the comparison way, like if you see somebody that maybe is doing something like again with if you see somebody online maybe who's like traveling or something and you're like, that's good for them, but it's not for us right now. You know what I mean? You can take it wherever you want. Yep. I feel like a big thing with our kids right now and our family right now is like, I don't like giving energy to things that don't even matter anyway. Right. So a simple good for them. It's not for us. Not for us. Yep. Exactly. And let's move it along here. Yep. It could be for like comparing, it could also be for just diffusing any sort of negativity, right? Yes. That's very, very interesting. I don't need to show up, I don't need to bash other people's appearances or other people's whatever. But I can maybe gently say to my kids like, all right, we're not gonna do this. Right. So not for us. Right? Yes. So I like this line. It's, you can use it however you want. Listen to her podcast. That was great. She gives like these really good little tips and she's just like a ray of sunshine. I don't know. I really, I really like her. We'll make sure to link her podcast and show. And she was also very inspiring for me when we started this podcast because she's a sharer and she shared like, this is how I got started. This is how I did things. And I like people that. Share. Don't withhold that. And don't withhold. I feel like that's part of her authenticity and that's part of yours too. I can see that connection piece for you. Yeah. So anyways, that's, that's my little one-liner. So mine was actually something that I did almost a year ago, and I think I shared it very quickly, but I don't think I shared. The ins and outs of it, but I used cha GBT to do a color analysis. Do you remember when like the color analysis was trending so hard on social media, right? Like, are you cool tones? Yes. Are you warm tones? And it's like, basically it's when I became obsessed with Brown. It's kind of like the Yes. And it's kind of the foundation of how you can use. Anything it's like could be for your hair color, it could be how you do your makeup. It could be how you dress and what colors compliment you. And when I did it last year, I was really in a rebuilding my wardrobe after baby phase. I was really starting to like add pieces. And people were obviously going to people and getting like a professional color analysis, but we where we live, I didn't know of anybody that actually physically did those. So what technology maybe they were using to do it. I know a lot of it was like a lot of it you just see that they're just placing all of these fabric swatches in front of you and you're really like in real time doing it. But what I did was I used my trusty chat GBT to do it and I was like, this is gonna get me at least into the. Family, right? Like of like what I should be doing to compliment me. Yeah. And then you can test it out at home, like some of the colors you already have, like, Ooh wait, this does, this is right. Exactly. And I will say that I was blown away by the results. So I ended up putting a prompt into to chat GBT. I'll give you guys the prompt and I'll put it in the show notes so you can just copy and paste it and you'll have to type it all out. But basically it was based on the following, natural feature color hex codes. Can you determine my seasonal color analysis, spring, summer, autumn, and winter? And explain why. So what I did was I took two photos. In natural lighting this matter. So like literally go up to the window on like a nice day where you have like really nice natural lighting, no heavy makeup, and one closeup. So like a closeup shot of your face. And then one a little bit pulled back like maybe from the chest up and. From the photo I grabbed the hex code. So the hex codes are basically the number sign, like hashtag. In order to find the hex codes, which are very important, so I had to go to a site that helps you do that. So again, I'll put all of this in the show notes. I like uploaded the pictures and then it allows you to find the exact color code from wherever you're dragging it. So I went and like dragged it on my cheeks, like for like my skin code. And I actually think I dragged it a couple different places just because your skin could obviously change. Like your cheeks might be brighter. But then, so I got my skin code. I think I did like two of those numbers. And then I dragged it to my eye. I got the hex code for my eye. I dragged it to my hair again, couple different places if you have highlights or if maybe your hair in the front is a little bit lighter. And then my eyebrow color, and then I inserted that back into chat GBT. It basically gave me my season. So it gives you the tone and the season that you are. So I am a warm autumn and it gives you sometimes like, it'll like maybe say, oh, and these are celebrities that look like this as well. And they were like so on point, like one of them was Natalie Portman, one of them was Rose Byrne. And those two people have very similar coloring to me, my hair color. And then it gives you a. Like a little analysis of like what colors you look best in. And I started trying these on, like, there were some colors that I would've absolutely never in my right mind gravitated towards. So were some, one of them was olive pretty, and just greens and earthy tones in general. So basically anything for me needs to be a little bit more like muted and earthy. So you should wear black. So I should not wear black. Brown was my next that was like my top anything cream. So not white. You know, like maybe like an off white and ivory. Right? 'cause white and black are cold colors. Yep. And they're, and they're very like intense colors. And so a lot of the colors that came up were like. Earthy like olives, rose colors, cream colors, brown colors, dusty blues, dusty moss, like those were a lot of the colors that came up. And nothing was like butter yellow, pale pink, cool blue. And so once I started to have that in the back of my mind, it became so easy for me to not only like create a capsule wardrobe because now I have all these pieces that are in the same color family and they all sort of match each other because they're all from like one collection of colors. It also makes it easier for me to shop because when I'm looking for things, I literally. Like cross things out. If they're not in the color family, I'm like, I'm not gonna buy that because not only is that not gonna compliment me the most, unless I'm like obsessed with it, you know? Or like I have to wear a specific color for something. But like, not only is it not gonna compliment me and make me look the best, but it's not gonna match with the other pieces in my wardrobe. So it just makes that so much easier. And I've been doing this for about a year. Right. But if you're going for an event, you don't necessarily care about it matching with the other special. I think that when it's like occasion, so that could be the one off Exactly. Like when you have something, a special occasion if you're in a wedding, if you're going for like one sort of dress, I'm talking about more of the like. The capsule pieces. Yeah. Staple and match pieces. Exactly. The staple mix and match pieces. It has been life changing. So I will put the exact prompt and then the site that I used to upload my photo to get the colors. 'cause that's very important. Mm-hmm. But it was like a game changer. Mm-hmm. And I never shared the details on how I had that done. Oh, I love that. Love it. And highly recommend everybody does it. Okay, good. I wanna try it. I wonder what I am. I know. All right. Well this was a great episode. I know. Thank you so much for tuning in. I love this. And if you feel connected to this episode in any way, share it with a friend. And you can follow us on Instagram. We're at Pretty and Pink again at Christina Empo and at Christina Reishi. All of our handles are in the show notes and please subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. It helps the algorithm and helps other women find this podcast. We've been so appreciative of all of your support and we love you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. See you next week. Bye