Episode 42: The Invisible Guest Theory: The Holiday Social Anxiety Mindset Shift We All Need

Episode Description:

This week, we’re breaking down something almost all women feel during the holiday season but rarely talk about: the quiet panic that hits the second you walk into a party. That moment when you suddenly notice your outfit, hair, body, voice — all of it. We open with the Invisible Guest Theory, a piece of wisdom that instantly shifts the pressure we put on ourselves in social settings.

We walk through the biology behind social anxiety, why moms feel it even more, and what actually creates that nagging “everyone is judging me” feeling. Spoiler: they’re not. They’re stuck in the same mental loop about themselves.

Then we get into the freedom of realizing you are not the main character in anyone else’s world during a holiday gathering. You’re passing through their universe, not auditioning for it. Once you understand that, the pressure lifts.

We also get into the practical prep that helps the night go smoother — like planning your outfit ahead of time so you’re not tearing apart your closet on the way out the door, and having a quick car chat with your partner or whoever you’re attending with to set expectations, create a loose game plan, and even decide on a polite exit strategy. These little rituals make everything feel calmer and more intentional.

And of course, we talk about the funny, painfully relatable flags we all experience around social anxiety — the ones that remind you you’re absolutely not the only one overthinking.

💗 Pink Spotlight

Each week, we highlight a moment, product, or practice that’s bringing us joy:

Christina: Her Bose open-ear buds, because they’re practical, comfortable, and make everyday life easier. You can also find some refurbished options for less! 

Kristina: A Brazilian blowout from Sam at @paintloveblend. It cuts drying time, keeps frizz under control, and is the holiday hair hack she tells everyone to ask for. She’s also giving away two blowouts for our local listeners. Check our IG for details on how to enter!

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Transcript

0:00

I'm Christina and I'm t and this is the Pretty and Pink again podcast where Motherhood meets rediscovery. Hello. Hi. What's going on? Oh, it is freezing today. We're in Connecticut, guys, and it turned, it turned this week. It just feels like winter is here. Yeah, it's like too cold to leave the house. Yeah, we're at that point where it's like too cold to get dressed. It's too, it's cold. It's too cold to do anything. Really. Yeah. Nick is out tonight. He has to go to one of his work holiday parties that I'm opting to not go to because he has opt out. He has three to go to. Oh, wow. So I'm not. I'm not going to this one with him. And I told the kids, I was like, how about we go to the mall tonight and walk around the mall and get pizza at Sally's and have a Friday night at the mall? And they were like, oh, that's different. But don't you remember going to the mall on Fridays? Yes. That's what we used to do. Yeah. Especially in the winter. Hey, walk around. Just go walk around. I know. Have some food. So I think that's what I wanna do with tonight. I like Good idea. That's a great idea. I don't know. I thought it would be fun. And I love Sally's Pizza, so I know it's, we actually have to, I love Sally's Pizza. We have to go next week. We're taking the kids to see Santa. They don't know it yet. Because if I told. Leo especially, I would, he'd wanna go that minute. Yeah. He would ask me probably every second if we were going to see, so he knows that we're gonna see Santa this year, but he doesn't know when. But we're going next week to see Santa. Cute, which I am excited about.'cause that is like a fun little tradition that we've done. And he's at the mall. It's so cute. Yeah. At the mall they have JC Penney. When they were really little, I used to take them to JC Penney's for pictures to, yeah. And the pictures come out. So good. I feel like they're very nostalgic. What about it? Christmas pictures? Yes, they are. Yes. I have the cutest photos of the kids. Mm-hmm. Like sitting in a little basket of ornaments and they just look absolutely adorable. I love it. And they're very inexpensive and super cute. I love that. All of this like nostalgic, everything is coming back. I feel like I've been talking to people about that recently, just because in my dms and stuff I'm talking about like decor and we changed all of our trees out. Mm-hmm. From flocked to non flocked this year, which is going back, it's and everybody's been saying, oh, it's like the nineties, Ralph Lauren, Christmas, and like we have all Ralph Lauren. Everything is just so nostalgic right now. And I feel like everybody's been saying, and this isn't. This is not like a trend that's going on. I'm like no. I think that we're in this like we're riding this nostalgic vibe. For the foreseeable future. Foresee the future. Especially around the holidays, you always do things that bring you back to your childhood. We talked about this in episode a couple weeks ago, and if everybody that grew up in the nineties is now parenting and trying to bring back all of these cute, nostalgic things, of course we're gonna do things like go to the mall, go to Penn's for pictures. Have a non flocked Christmas tree. Yep. Like you didn't have flocked Christmas trees when we were kids. Get all the reds. The plaids though, I feel like our age group is just really, we're craving that vibe again. Yes. Yes. I'm so here for it. I am too. I am. I am. I'm really loving it. So I think get some onion dip and a casserole. I know. I'm really going for it. I know. I love it so much. But do you remember the bread. Dip. That was very popular when we were younger. Like we wouldn't put a dip in a bread. It was like that big, it was like the, like a pumper nickel or like a brown uhhuh bread. What kind of bread was that? Prob like a rye maybe. Like a rye? Yeah. And then inside was like a spinach and almost like a cream cheese. Yes. Yep. I wanna serve that. I know I wanna just serve up some of my past. I feel. I feel like we need to just collectively take it down a couple notches, right? And just go back to the basics. Go back to what worked like not. I'm just, I'm loving this direction. I feel like we're going in a very positive direction. Yeah. I love it. I think we all are taking it back to the basis. And even going to the mall and seeing Santa, I know for a couple of years people were afraid to do that because of COVID. Yeah. We have to remember that people were afraid to go to the mall. Know Santa had a mask on. I know. At the mall. I know. Like he's not creepy enough to begin with. I know. There was a block for a couple of years. Yeah. Where it's coming. We're coming back. We're all coming back. We're, yeah, we're back baby. That's what's going on. So I loved our episode last week. I know. We got great feedback on it. So thank you guys for listening and sharing it. We it identity. Yep. So here's a spinoff on that'cause we're talking about. We're in the holiday season. Yep. So during the holiday season, you have a lot of events to go to, parties to go to. Some are with your close friends, who maybe is your circle. Some are like a work event, right? More of a what is the obligation? Yes. More like an obligatory, I have to show up to this event. So do you play the role of somebody that has social anxiety? Surprisingly, with all my anxiety that I have, I don't get a ton. I don't get a ton of social anxiety. But I also think that I'm answering that thinking of being with my people, right? Mm-hmm. So like I can, so you sound the right people answer. I can answer that saying that I don't have a ton when I'm with certain people. Okay. I don't have, and that's for this year, that seems to be what's on the agenda for kind of just good for you've done the work. Yeah. Yeah. To put make yourself with those people. Yeah. Okay. What about you? All right. So it depends. So for instance, like something like the gala that we had Yes. A couple of weeks ago. Yeah. The cocktail hour gives me social anxiety that, that gala, which in case we didn't share that was the Connecticut Children's Gala. That's like a, that is'cause I agree with you on that statement. That was just the cocktail hour. That was a huge event. There was like 1200 people I believe. It's usually such a big event, and I agree with you. Going to an event like that does give me a little bit of anxiety just because it's overwhelming. There's so much going on. There's so many people and it almost feels like there's almost like too much going on where you're like but you don't even know where to go. Like that. I, that sort of thing. Does give me anxiety, so I agree with you. So in, in those situations, what gives me anxiety is I feel like I'm a little bit more of a latcher and a question asker and I'm like interested in a conversation. And in those situations I feel like I'm listening with one ear and looking with one eye because there's almost, there's too many people, you don't wanna keep trap somebody in a conversation because everybody that I'm trying to be aware that everybody there is just trying to do a hello? You're like mingling and a move like yes. Keep it going here, yes. And people are in line to get drinks. People wanna do the auction. Like I almo, I'm trying to be aware enough that other people wanna do that and I feel like I spend so much of my time being aware of what others are doing. That I forget that other people probably feel similar to me. It's like a Hi, bye. Situation high. Bye. Like, And that's a hard, sometimes that's a harder almost place to be at where you're just like, hi, bye. That's it. Like you're just saying hello. It's pleasantries. There's no time to really get into any sort of extended conversation. So sometimes that feels weird, especially when you're going with people that you know, and there is a big bigger group of people that you do know, right? Mm-hmm. And then you're just Hey, I saw you, like even when you, me and you, we went there, we don't talk. And then we didn't talk. When we were there, we went together and then barely talked when we were there. And that, so I totally agree with situations like that, but what about more like intimate settings? So I'm better Me too, in those situations. Me too. Because then I feel like I can talk, because those situations are meant for talking and catching up and laughing. And exchanging conversation. I'm much better in those situations. I agree. And then. For another situation where I teeter on both sides is when I have to go to holiday parties or work dinners or something like that for Nick, where I'm the plus one. Yes. And I don't wanna get trapped in a conversation, right? Because then I feel like I'm trapped in a conversation. So I try to keep it light, but I'm not light. But you aren't light. I'm not light, no. I'm so you're, you are a person that is, I would say you're an easy person If you have another chatty human, you, you definitely would get locked in a conversation with somebody. And I, because you give a lot back. So then it just keeps going. And I don't think that you even know when to cut it off, there's no, so I'm gonna give, exit our listeners some tips today Okay. On when you go to a holiday party. Okay. And you are somebody who's anxious and doesn't know what to do, or is gonna get in the car on the way home and overthink everything you said. Everything you wore Oh, did I eat with my mouth open? If you are an overthinker of situations, I'm going to share some tips and tricks that I find helpful. Good. In those situations we all need to hear it. We all need to hear them.'cause I'm sure everybody, they might lead you to be trapped though. I know there's nothing, honestly, there's nothing worse than getting trapped in a conversation when you're checked out. Like that. That's just the worst. And I don't even mean to say that I'm checked out. I'm just trying to you're trying to move and groove to the next person. To like, because I'm here as the supportive role to my husband, who also probably doesn't wanna be there'cause he has terrible social anxieties. Yeah. But anyway, so I saw this clip on Instagram. And actually Nick sent it to me. It's so funny, like what his algorithm must. Be showing him other than pictures of naked girls. He gets all of these Nick could keep it coming'cause he's giving us episode ideas, so keep it coming. He's been sending you really good content. I'm like, okay. Thanks Nick. That just sparked a whole conversation between me and you, so I know. Love it. I know. I'm like, what is your album? He's sending you like trying to be like hey, you need this? And then we're like, can we turn this into an episode? It's really, it's interesting what he sees, but then it's the episode is our take on it. Yes. It's our take on what? It's our take on it. So he sent me this thing on Instagram and it was the Invisible Guest Theory. Yes. I loved this and I thought this was really interesting. This is something that I try to tell my kids, even though this is something that's really mean to hear. But I tell my kids all the time, you are not special. You are special to mommy and daddy, grandma, grandpa. You are not special to anybody else. And when they hear that, they're like, what do you mean we think that we're so special? I'm like you are, but once you leave this house, you are not right. People don't pay close attention to you. And that's the sense that I mean it in. Yes. Like mommy pays close attention. List the pressure. Yes. Mommy pays close attention to you. Mm-hmm. Mommy cares about your grades. Mommy cares about your health. Other people don't pay attention. They're too busy paying attention to themselves. So when I say that to them, I'm saying it in a sense of try to take the outside world pressure off. Yeah. Not minimize them and make them feel like they're worthless and not special. So this I guess, sort of thing on Instagram was the invisible guest theory and that. Half the time when you go to an event at somebody's home, and this is not your close friend close dinner party,'cause you are visible in those situations. I'm talking more about like the gala. These like large social obligation parties, like these large holiday parties, you are an invisible guest because the host is too busy worrying about is the food coming out on time? Are people taking their shoes off? Are my floor is getting scuffed? Is the temperature okay? Is the music too loud? Who's here? Are people gonna be drinking and driving? I'm just saying the host has other Yeah. Worries on their mind other than what one out of 20 people is wearing or dropped a crumb on the ground or whatever. So you are that invisible guest. Yep. And if you think of yourself as an invisible guest, it takes the pressure off going to, it does a holiday party or it should, because like you're saying, the host is usually preoccupied with things. And then if you're going into. Somewhere worried about all the things that you don't wanna do or wanna do, or how you wanna present yourself. Like you're saying the things that you're wearing. Am I gonna drink too much? Am I gonna do all these things? I can guarantee you that other people are also feeling like that. And so everybody just turns inward. And everybody's doing that, so it's invisible. Like you're invisible to everybody. Which, I know it sounds weird, but it does lift the pressure off of you. And if you can think about that, it does help relieve some of that social anxiety because you're like, not everybody's making this about me. And I think that we tend to do that. Oh, we say we important. Yes. Like we tend to make ourselves way more important than we are, and in reality, everybody's usually feeling somewhat of the same way. I'm sure there's variations of that, but. It, I think it does help to lift the pressure. Like everyone has their own shit going on. They're not worried about you, I think it's more of an internal pressure that we put on ourselves and then it comes out. 100% is I love that. I just love this idea of this theory. I love it for a party and just for life in general. Yeah. It's a good thing to keep in the back of your mind if you're feeling anxious socially about anything. And we thought this was very fitting for the holidays because like you said, this is the time of year where you end up seeing a lot of friends, a lot of acquaintances, coworkers, family members, extended family members. And sometimes you can put way too much pressure on yourself this time of year. Like There's not already enough pressure on you. And for all of the things for like internal in your house, and then you have all this pressure on the outside too, but really you don't. If you think about it this way. There's this, they talked about this spotlight effect. How when you go into a social situation, your nervous system fires off. Yeah. And you feel like a spotlight is on you. Yeah. There is no spotlight on you. You There is no spotlight. There is absolutely, there's really not no spotlight on, there's no spotlight on, on anybody. Yeah. Did I look okay? Did I sound smart? Did anybody like me? Can people tell I'm anxious? There's so many. Like spiraling. Do you ever have any of these when you go to these parties? Yeah, for sure. And I'm gonna say something because when I was growing up in high school, there was a teacher that used to go around and it was like a saying she always used to say. And so this is in the back of my mind, and it always makes me think of this. She would go, in college, you're just a number. It really stuck with me and it was stuck with everybody, and it became like a running joke with people I grew up with. It's like in college, you're just a number. You're just a number. And it's true because it's not all about you. You go out into the real world and you're just one with everybody else. And so I do feel like that sort of, that is in the back of my mind, but I, of course, I feel the pressure, like and I think that, of course, I'm somebody that always thinks everything is all about me. Like I get an anxious about things. Mm-hmm. And I worry about what people are gonna think and that has me written all over it. But. I do think that when you're in the presence of the right people and people that don't tend to bring out that side of you, it's easier. However, this time of year, like you said, there's obligations where you you can't always be in the company of people that make you feel your best. You're gonna be at work functions, extended family functions, if it's not your immediate family it's your family by. Default. Yeah. Not by choice. They're your family by default. Yeah. And everybody has crazy family stories, of course. Of like the crazy uncle, the crazy cousin. And you come together because your family and because that's one of your values, and I'm sure there's always gonna be that one aunt that brings, the five liter bottle of orange soda and deviled eggs or something. There, there's always like some crazy family story. Of course. And that, so this is a time where you're gonna be in these situations, that don't have to be in the rest of the year that you don't, that you're not typically in Yes. The rest of the year. Yeah. Oh, did I bring the wrong thing? Did somebody not like this? Did somebody not like what I did? Or does my house look good enough? Is it clean enough? Are they gonna judge our home? Or this or that? And ultimately everybody judges everything. Their thoughts. It may not be judgment, they're just thoughts. Of course, you're gonna have a thought about your surroundings. Some people pay more attention to detail than others, but I think it's wrong to assume that people are gonna come to your home and not have any opinions. But that's, but doesn't that go against what we were just saying? So you're not that, that then you don't feel invisible, but that's more so just, I guess overall. Yeah. You think like I'm taking the pressure off like an individual. People are gonna have thoughts throughout the night, so many thoughts like, oh this appetizer was a little cold, or this drink was good, or, oh, this or that. But I don't think that thoughts are like, so judgment judgy on one sole person. Like you are just one player In the environment. In the environment. Yeah. You're just one thing in the whole piece. So I guess to that point though, what do you think actually causes like the holiday social anxiety? You have 25 days of 25 things. Whereas usually like in the summer you have 90 days of, maybe 10 things. So you have a lot crammed into a short period of time. And it's a busy time of year. People are just already, that do a lot, are already doing a lot. And then you have obligations like holiday parties, they're social obligations. They're not even like dinner parties that you would like to have on the books with like close friends and family members. Yeah. So you have to find an outfit that's appropriate for that group. So that's another thing. You're almost playing somebody else. Yeah. So you have to find a holiday outfit. So you're in a costume. Yes. It's like you're performing. Yes. Yes. And I see that you're not just like showing up as you, I know you have to like, put the armor on. Yeah. I'm going to this event and I'm gonna look a little bit more conservative version of you. A festive version of me. Yes. And I'm not gonna drink too much at this event because I am, this is a work relationship. There's additional pressure because it is the holidays, so you have to show up. I love that in costume because it really is, it's like a, everybody, you're like you have to dress the part, right? And so that is, it's a, an additional layer that gets added onto it. It's like there's a little bit more pressure to bring something or add value to something. Or there's just, and like you said, then you're just booked and busy this whole season. So there's just, it's, you're going from one thing to the next thing and you have to play a different part at each thing. But just like looking at the other side of the coin, if you're somebody who's like quiet and introverted and these events exhaust you, you can almost hide behind your costume. Because if you wear this outfit that you wouldn't typically wear, people maybe will be commenting on your. Elaborate costume. Yeah. And then you don't have to talk about yourself or you that night. That's a Nick Bon tempo trick. Yeah. He, I know. He's always so with, he loves a costume. He does. He loves a costume. I love it. He loves hiding behind a costume and the theme. I'm gonna give like a few tips of of being a host and a guest. Okay. When I go to a party, okay. And I'm a little uncomfortable, Nick will always be busy at a party, whether we're hosting the party at our house or somebody's hosting a party at their house. Nick will always be emptying trash cans, getting people drinks. He will always be busy because if he's busying himself, he doesn't have to stop and talk about himself because he hates talking about himself. Right. So. My first tip would be if you are uncomfortable, be a little busy. Be a little bit more helpful, be a little bit more helpful. Yeah. Help the host, the host in the kitchen. Yep. Hang up a jacket. Like easy tasks. Yeah. You don't have to be valeting cars outside. Like easy tasks, like clear a couple things. If you look busy, you look helpful. That's like a, it takes it. Yeah. That's a gold star. Yeah. And then you're like doing something and then people won't. Come talk to you. And then if you don't want people to talk to you, then they won't talk to you. If there are kids there, go play with the children. Yes. If they're not your children, you're gonna like them. Yeah. It that, those are my what? That's a good one. My next tip is this could trap you in a conversation, so if you're in the mood for that. Okay. People love to talk about themselves. Yes. Ask them questions. Ask a question. Yeah. And then ask another one. Yeah. I ask a lot of questions, so if you don't feel like answering them, do not talk to me at a party. Stay away from me. What are some of your go-to questions when you like, don't know somebody that well. Do you have kids? Yeah. How old are your kids? Oh, you have a boy and a girl? Oh, how old are they? Oh, how's school going? Oh, sports. Ugh. I know it's the worst. Like I, and I'm making it sound like it's not sincere. It's usually very sincere. Yeah. But those are great questions. Okay. And if you ask enough questions, nobody will ask you anything back, and then you don't have to talk about yourself. There you go. And it's great. Okay. I love that. That would be my go-to question. What are your other tips? Oh, this is another good one. Okay. Be an introducer. Oh, hey, you do, so and you're very good at that too. I love introducing people. Yeah. Then those two people start talking and then you don't have to talk. Be an introducer. Be a connector. And also to not just to get yourself outta the conversation, then to make somebody else maybe feel more comfortable. Yeah. Yep. That's not, if you're going to a work event and there's a new hire and they, this is their first one or their second one and you've been to the past 10. Maybe find that person who's probably more anxious to be there than you are and being introduced. I like that because you're taking any sort of like internal, like looking at yourself, and you're just saying, okay, I'm gonna shelve this for right now and help out somebody else. Because like we're saying, everybody probably feels anxious to a degree. And so if you can help alleviate that for somebody else, then you're helpful and you're introducing and helping to spark a conversation mm-hmm. with somebody else. I do like that tip. Yeah. That's great. Another tip is I eat before I go to parties. I we know I get hangry. Yes, we do. And I don't love hor d'oeuvres. I don't love past hor d'oeuvres. I never know what to do with my hands. Mm-hmm. I never know am I supposed to be hugging somebody and then I have a drink and then I have a shrimp cocktail and a crab cake. I always get very confused. Yes. With appetizers. I am, I don't leave me on an island with that one. I, it's embarrassing. I agree with you because I I was gonna say, I feel, I have a couple of ti I feel, so tell me what ends up happening to me is if I don't eat,'cause I feel like I've done that so many times where I'm like, oh, I'm going to this party later. I can't wait to eat.'cause I like love to eat food. I love the whole course. Try new things. And yes. And I also love this time of year, I always love like holiday sort of food and I love appetizers and all that. But then what happens to me is if I get there and I'm chatting, I don't eat. And and then I feel like if I have anything to drink, it could just, it just can snowball very quickly. And then sometimes you're like, wait, we went to this event and I didn't even eat anything, or I didn't eat as much as usual. I'm still hungry. So I feel like sometimes you, your intuition is to not eat because you're going to an event later. But especially if you're going to something, unless it's like a sit down dinner where you know you're going to eat. That's a great tip. To eat before, even if it's just a little snack. So it gets you into the night just in case. You end up in a conversation, you're not eating as much for some reason. That's very helpful. For me, what's been very helpful which sucks, but it's not drinking as much and I feel like this is usually the time of year where you wanna indulge a ton. And I actually to that point, there's like these specialty cocktails similarly to the food. Yes. It's more like an experience. Oh, this is the, it's part of BestFest of drink. Yep. But I notice that number one, of course we notice that there's an immediate like hangover. Of course you're not gonna feel the best the next day, but even during the night, I like myself so much better when I'm not drinking. And it doesn't mean that I'm a mess when I'm drinking, but I feel like I like having the control over, knowing what I'm saying. I'm not oversharing anything. I'm not being extra loud. So I can leave the night knowing I was on my best behavior because I remember everything. I feel good. I was in control of myself. I feel like when I'm drinking, almost to the point where you were saying about the eating, like you don't know what to do. I'm sipping a lot and if I get anxious, I end up sipping a lot more. Yeah. And. So I, that has been something that I find in social situations. It's something where I want to drink when I'm out, but I don't like to drink when I'm out. So what I've done is I either, I've switched to beer, so I feel like I don't, you've always been a beer girl. I can drink beer. You really are taking time. But I dont drink a lot of beer, so it's I don't drink, meaning I don't drink a lot of volume of beer. It's easier for me to sip on because I feel like champagne, some of these wines, like they go right to your hat. I feel like you can, you'll be sipping and glasses will go by. Also, you're not gonna drink warm beer, so you're gonna sip on the beer while it's, sip the beer while it's cold. And then once it gets warm, you're not gonna have it. It's over. It's over. It's done. And or what I will do is I'll have a drink right at the beginning of the night and then I'll switch to a mocktail. And I feel if you ask for a mocktail, everybody has mocktail. Everybody has mocktails. They, that's the direction that things are going in. Yeah. They can look very festive. And sometimes you just need a little bit of something to just, I don't wanna say take the edge off, but just make you, maybe loosen you up a little bit, make you feel good, but then switching to that like right away. So it's like you get the drink, but then you know you're gonna switch to a mocktail or you switch to club soda or something easy. But that has helped me a ton and it really helps me in the moment too, right? Like I notice myself like way less anxious when I know I'm, I don't have a buzz like, which that kind of goes to. Some of the things on our outline said when you get in the car on the way home from a party, if you have social anxiety at a party, you get in the car on the way home and you're overthinking everything you said and did what I've saying. Did I share something you've been drinking? You might have that same feeling. Maybe not till the next day. I was getting that. And then you've ruined the whole next day. Yes. Because I, chances are you probably did not say or do anything, or if you did, there was not a microscope paying that close attention to you. But it's still like an thing, but it's still for yourself if you're worrying about it. And the alcohol is a contributing factor. I think eliminating it is wise. I'm not even saying this to be like, oh, this is about drinking too much and getting out of control, but sometimes it's just about. The vibe that you give off. I know, like I'm not worrying oh, was I like slurring my words or anything like that. But sometimes I notice that when I drink I get louder. I interrupt people more because you get you're like excited. And I, so I feel like just I do when those things at baseline, I do them when I drink and I just, that those are things that then I think about after and I'm like, did I say too much? Did I overshare did I come across rude? Like all of those things. That, that kind of helps me eliminate that from. The afterthought of the night, right? You're like I was fine all night, so I know I was good. Perfect. Yep. You check your checks and balances are in order. Yeah. Yeah. Which I know is not the most fun, but that's why I the, one drink switch to a mocktail or, give yourself a little bit of a cutoff. Have you tried any of the adaptogens? I have done like CBD drinks. Okay. Just Do you like them? I haven't done them socially though. Oh. I've tried them like just just for relaxing, but I haven't tried them socially, so I can't speak to doing that instead at a party. I have a few friends now that are sober, they don't drink. They said like they, their skin is better, their sleep is better. They just feel so much better. And they have, it almost looks like these crystal light packets and they bring them with them and they order a mocktail and they just like. Put it in. Yeah. And just, they're a little not available yet at bars. Bars or restaurants or whatever. So they bring their own, right. So I'd be curious how, I've never tried them. I think at this point I feel like for me it's more about the levelheadedness of not having anything cloud me. So I think that. I can't speak to if it would make me feel different than any sort of booze or liquor, but like I feel like for me it's just knowing that I'm not cloudy and there's nothing hindering judgment or making me a certain way. I feel like when I'm at my baseline I'm like, okay, I'm feeling good.'cause I feel like I could put that in the same category as drinking. Yeah, I see. Because then you're, oh, did I get. Was, did I look too sleepy? Did it make me too relaxed? Did I not seem like I knew what I was talking about? I would almost think that I would feel the same way on something, but it might be the opposite, right? It might chill me out too much. I feel like when I've, I would probably say I've been doing this for about two years. Granted.'cause this is after Layla. I really started like just making sure that I was not drinking too much because I've had mental health struggles that I've been so open about, and I thought anything that was going to contribute to a downer is not gonna help me. So I really started laying off alcohol a lot. And you liked how it made you feel? I like how it makes that version of yourself. I like how it makes me feel. And I don't wanna say, oh I will never drink again. That's not what I'm saying. But I just know what I can control and I like it better. Okay. So I like a tip. I like that tip. I like that tip. Okay. I think that another. Thing to do is to prepare when you're in the car on the way there. I think preparation is always key. I think that you can, like a little rehearsal, like a slight rehearsal, a slight intention setting of the night. Okay. Maybe how long are we planning to stay for? Yes, Yes. Sometimes if you have an exit strategy, uhhuh and a time in mind, then you can do anything till 9:00 PM you can do anything till 10:00 PM there's no lingering. I love a game plan. We're gonna go to the game plan. Yeah. And who knows? You might surprise yourself. Yeah. You might get there and you wanna stay longer. Yeah. That's a win. But if you're going, I'm talking more if you're going to something that you have to go to, an obligation or an obligatory holiday party that you're nervous about entering. I think it's good to go with a little bit of a game plan. I think it's good to go with a game plan anyway. Especially if you're going with like your partner or your spouse, like Raja and I do this all the time where we do, we have a pre-meeting we're like, okay, we're going, we're in the,'cause. We do that when we're in the car. We're like, how long are we staying? When are we gonna try to leave? Just so we're on the same page. It's okay, no, we're going in. This is gonna be a late night. Because sometimes what happens is if you're not on the same page and you wanna leave and your spouse doesn't, or whoever you came with doesn't like, that's so you, I like that setting the intention of the night. Like you have to do that so you know what you're in for. Are we gonna try to stay late? Are we seeing how it is? Yeah. Are we gonna make the call a little bit later in the night? Are we saying, okay, we're out by nine. Like we're, we have to get back home? It's always, it's the intention. It's always good to have an exit strategy. Yes. And also before you go to an event, find out, is this a sit down dinner? Yes. If it's a sit down dinner, you, your exit strategy cannot be in the middle of a sit down dinner. You're there till the end of the dinner. If you go to a cocktail party, you can GTFO whenever you want. As far as I'm concerned. Yeah, for sure. You can Irish goodbye. Yeah. And be done with it. Oh, that's a good, I like that. Are you an I Irish goodbye or I didn't say goodbye to you the other night? I Irish goodbye to you. Oh, I'm totally an Irish goodbye. Irish goodbye me. Anytime you want. I agree. I'm very much okay with that. I am not someone who gets offended by oh, they did not say goodbye to me. I'm like, they probably left. They had to get home. I think that lingering can be stressful. Yes. And then also, oh, did I say goodbye to everybody? Oh, shoot. I think say goodbye to the host. Yes. Yep. And then that's it. Get outta there. Yep. I totally agree. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. I know, I'm sure people are not, but I agree. I think it's socially acceptable to do that. Yep. Have an exit strategy. You have to. Alright, so back to the what if you get caught into a conversation an awkward conversation. I have no tips because this happens to me a lot and I don't know how to get out of them. Okay. I'm trying to think when this has happened to me. Last. How about, ooh, I'm running low on drinks. I have to go grab another drink. Excuse me for one moment and then don't then come back. Excuse the drink. Excuse. I have to go use the bathroom. Oh, there you go. What about that? That's an easy one. Bathroom excuse, duh. Oh, excuse me. For one moment. I have to use the bathroom. Yeah, there you go. If you're not too embarrassed to tell somebody you have to go to the bathroom. Yes, I know. I would use that one. Okay. That's an easy one. Come on. How do we not think of that? Last summer a really bad bout of you did anxiety socially too soc really bad social anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. To the point where even when I was with my people it was almost worse. I know it was because I, yeah. It was odd. It was like, oh, I'm in my safe zone. And then it even got even worse. Yeah. So you saw a couple of times. And I would have to slowly enter a party. I would have to like slowly find, like it would take me like two hours to warm up. I don't know what was going on with me. I know it's a real thing. I know something had happened to my nervous system. So I really feel bad for anybody that's having this like physiological Yeah. Feeling of nervousness when they're entering a social situation.'cause I've been there and trust me, I didn't know. What was happening, needing to really dip your toe in. You couldn't make like a full round, like I feel like you were somebody that needed to go in and just chill with maybe a smaller group of people at the beginning. And then as you started to warm up a little bit, you would start working the room and kind of, but it was very, it took a really long time. I'd have to go in, I'd have to go to the bathroom. Yeah, I'd have to wash my hands with cold water. I'd have to take a couple deep breaths. I'd have to make sure that I had something to eat.'cause I would get a stomach ache because I was so nervous, it was not a good look. No. And then by the end of the night, I'd be warmed up. Wanna go for, and you're, I know, right? And then it's like the night is over. I know. It would take you a while. And then, do you remember that night we went to Rosedale Farms? And I couldn't eat my dinner. Nope. I was so miserable. And then we went out after, and then we were, and then were like sitting at the barn. Our husbands were like, let's time to go. They're kicking us out. What was I drinking? A Polish spritzer. You were, which is vodka and wine. Yep. And I was like, I feel great now. That's all it took. It's time to go home. So what are the, so what are some of the, I guess to explain in case anybody doesn't know what's going through your mind when you're in that zone. What are some of the red flags? What's happening? What is making you anxious? I guess for me, I was afraid I was gonna get sick and I was stuck. I always wanna know where the exit is. Okay. I want it to have an exit. You need exit plan. Exit. I need an exit plan. Yeah. Okay. And I love an exit plan. I think everybody loves an exit plan. Yes, for sure. Like this is just an example. My kids have field day every year. And they take a bus to field day and I chaperone it every year, but I won't take the bus. I like to drive my car because I like to have an exit strategy and my kids like that. My car is there in case they have to leave too. I just think there's something about there's what if, so if something happens, there's control, I can just get out. Yep. Yep. I like to have an exit strategy. Mm-hmm. And having one makes me feel better. I know sometimes that's even with tough'cause we were just saying when you have a game plan and if you go with your spouse, obviously it's easier'cause it's the two of you deciding on something. But if you carpool, which is a smart decision you know, in case somebody else wants to have a drink or it gets harder when you have to involve other people because now there might be like two couples making a choice of like, when you wanna go, how long are we staying for? You're usually the carpool with, and I know that you'd be always be happy to leave off. We're like, we're out. I never have to, we're ready to go when you are. I never have to worry about that, but I guess some red flags for me. Yes. What about you, like thinking back? So again, I'm try, I'm thinking like of what would normally happen to me, like over the. Over my lifetime, I will like replay conversations over and over in my head. Oh, that's super common. That, that goes back to the oversharing, right? Where you're like, what did I say? And that's why when I've said I, if I don't drink too much, I at least have control over what's coming out of my mouth. But yeah. Replaying conversations. Did I overshare, did I talk over someone? Did I come across rude? What did I say? Was I talking too much about myself? Did I not ask them enough questions? Like all of those things. So funny that those are your fears because you are the last person that I think of when I think of somebody that monopolizes a conversation. Doesn't ask questions. Yeah. Until I'm too dirty. Martinis overs shares that, and then I am the loudest my Italian side comes out. You don't know who I am anymore. It's like I've seen you in that state and I've never once said, God, Christina needs to lay off off the olives. I think you get loud. Think it's just loudness. Like my. The OC goes up, the voice, the octave level of my voice goes up like 20 times and I'm shouting a story. That's what it,'cause it's like I, I must have like earmuffs over my ears and I don't realize how loud I can be. I'm also notorious for changing my outfit like six times before I leave the house. Unless I am set on something and I've also as I've gotten a little bit older, I used to be someone who could like mentally put an outfit together. Okay, I'm gonna wear this. You don't have space for that in your brain anymore. It's not only that I don't have, I'm not as organized. But it's also that I can't just wiggle myself into an outfit and it looks exactly how I imagined it to look. So I feel like now I'm like, I need to try the outfit on. I need to know what I'm pairing it with. Am I wearing tights? Where's the accessories? What am I doing? Because sometimes I might say, oh, I wanna wear that dress to the holiday party, but I don't put the full thing together. You know what I mean? So then I'm like, I get the dress on. I'm like, wait a minute, I don't like this with tights. I don't like this with the shoes that I was thinking of. And so I, it's better to be prepared because I get So do you do a try-on a couple days? Now I have to in advance. Yes. So since this is really you realm Yeah. What do you practice and what. Do you not practice, but you would recommend somebody do so they're not in this situation of ripping off six outfits, five minutes before it's time to leave, and then you're late for a party and then you're going into a party flustered, and then your husband's let's go. And I'm speaking to this because this happens every time we go out. I'm sure. So a hundred percent try on, start to finish, like full start to finish the whole look. So not just, yeah, not especially in the winter. I feel like when it's the summer and you can throw on a dress and some sandals, it's okay, that's it. But when you're in, especially when you're in the cold weather, it's you need to know what you're doing, like from start to finish. So what is the outfit? Are you wearing tights? Do your tights have a run in them? Are you gonna put them on and there's a run in them? Do you need like Spanx with an outfit? Do you need I think through all those things because that's what happens to me is that I'll throw something on, wait, now I need to. I didn't think about that. So now I need this and go running for it. And bare legs look really cute with a pump. I personally don't love how tights look with certain shoes. Yes. That's what happens to me. So I'll go to I won't, I like a tight poop, but I don't like a tight with a pump. I don't know why. Or I'll be like, oh, I wanted my tights. This would've looked better with a sheer tight and not an opaque tight. And so I won't, that I end up having more struggles. In the wintertime because there's so many more variables. What jacket are you wearing with this? You need something for outerwear. Do you need, it's it, there's just so many more things. And so to avoid the scramble, which then puts me in a bad mental space ahead of going somewhere. Because if I'm flustered and I'm running out the door and I'm stressed, and if you have kids and you have, you're trying to get them situated so that you could go to a holiday event, it's like just adds about 25 layers. So I think start to finish having the look done. This is what I'm wearing. Everything's together. You have everything out. Your accessories, everything's good to go. That has helped me a ton. Yeah.'cause I will end up changing my mind. I thought I was gonna wear this with tights. Now I don't like it with tights. I don't like this. So now I wanna scrap the whole idea. What happened to me at the gala was I went to put on that dress which was Stu. I loved my dress by the way. Dress I, my. Stunning. I will give a shout out to Lady Black Tie because that's where I got the dress from and they have amazing, any sort of event dresses and they have gala type dresses, gala dresses, but even if you have holiday parties, that's where I ended up getting that. And I thought it was extremely affordable for how intricate that dress was. But I went to go put that dress on and when I tried it on, I actually had to send it back and then I got a different size. And so when I tried it back on, I didn't do the whole thing right because I was just like, oh, okay. I put it back on. I go, okay, is much better fit. Oh, this 20 minutes before we have to leave and come pick you up. Raja comes in and I'm like, I need you to tie this dress like there's a corset back here. He's like, I have to lace. The thing, the string through the corset. Oh, the first one came laced. The first one came laced. The second one didn't come laced. So I was like, wait a minute. What? So so now you're Lady Christina. Now I'm Lady Christina. He's tying me up like I freaking rose duplicator from Titanic, like in the back when we have already supposed to be in the car to come pick you up and Yeah, except in the Titanic you had a hands made or whatever they're called helping six people helping. So I'm literally, so like that stressed me out, like not being prepared ahead of time and not. So you have to think through what's going to get you out the door the fastest.'cause I think that setting the stage early on in the night, like you're leaving calm, you're not leaving frazzled, you're not leaving, doubting what you're doing. Am I wearing the right thing? Because. It's setting myself up for success for the evening. So as silly as that sounds. All right. So other tips under the umbrella of some preparation. So you're gonna prepare your outfit. You're gonna prepare your outfit. Outfit, and it's gonna put you in the car. Good to go in a good mood. Good to go. I also think that what sort of has been a red flag for me in social situations is like feeling like people are closer than maybe you like feeling like a little bit of an outsider. If you're going somewhere and it's group setting and you're like, okay, I don't really know where to go here. Yeah. Where's my place here? Yeah. Where's my place here? If you're going and there's already like a more established group and you feel a little bit more like the outsider, this has happened to me where I've known the host pretty well. So the host would be your latch, but not the rest of the attendees. Yeah. Like not the rest of the group. And so that's happened to me before. So what do you do in that situation? I think that luckily I have been introduced, like you're saying, somebody kind of acts as the, oh, by the way, do you know somebody else? Like luckily I think it's been done for me. But that's why I really appreciated your tip before of you doing that to somebody else. The connector. Yeah. And I also just think you have to put yourself out there and start conversations. Right? So this can go back to like our conversation starters, like asking people questions and ask people questions, slipping in and then getting into a conversation. And you don't need to take over a conversation. No, listen, you need to just be a participant. Listen, don't. Don't, this is not your place to take over. And to overshare. And to overs shine. And to now be the dot connector, right? These situations are your time to listen. You never know what you're gonna hear, right? And if you're at a party and the host is your person and you can't be, you can't latch onto that person that night, you can help that person in the kitchen and the coat room, whatever. But then for the rest of the night, if you're there with your spouse, have a date night, you have to, yeah, have a date night with your spouse. Go stand at a cocktail table and have a drink and talk to your husband. I like that too, because also during the holiday season. If you guys are busy and you don't have a lot of time together and you're going to these parties together. Yeah. Maybe you're sharing space together, but you're not really connecting with them. That's a good thing. So just use the time to hang with your spouse. With your spouse or whoever you came with. Or whoever you came with. Yeah. Because sometimes when I go to parties with you or events with you, my very close friend, I don't even end up talking to you during the night. Yeah.'cause you end up getting, I know. Pulled apart. Yeah. And you're talking to strangers and you're trying to be polite and you're trying not to look too cliquey. Oh, I don't wanna just show up with Christina. Yep. I know. And it's just always the two of us. So you try to, it happens to us a lot. Little bit. Go places we don't end up. I barely end up even talking to you. I know. That's what always happens. I think it happens a lot'cause you try not to be super cliquey. And then I'm like, Hey, haven't you end up not even talking to the people who you're closest to and then this probably doesn't happen to you, but I would. Worry that I'm not fun enough. And I would worry that like I appeared too anxious, like I appeared too down, or I appeared too anxious. This is something that's been happening to me more recently than like back in the day, or like something that I've always dealt with. Do you think you've labored labeled yourself as an anxious person? Yes. And you've given yourself that title? Yes, because I know the inner workings of my mind, and I know that I can get to be anxious. And again, especially if I arrived flustered for any reason, I feel like I wear my emotions on my sleeve. And I think I, I don't think I do a very good job of hiding when I am not feeling my best. So I always worry. Did that come across like bitchy? Did that come across I was uncomfortable, like I don't want it to look like it's outward. Like somebody else was like, Ooh, I don't like how she came across. So I worry about that. That's definitely something that I worry about. So you are this invisible person? Yes. You are. I need to remind myself that I'm invisible. No, you are her. This is, you are her. Yeah. This is it. This is the, you are the guest that goes to the party and has these worries. Yep. These like six main worries. You have them. You're worried that you're gonna show up flustered, you're gonna worry that there's a wardrobe malfunction, or somebody's gonna worry that it wasn't the right outfit. You're worrying that you're oversharing, you're worried that you're not enough fun. I'm the invisible guest. You are the invisible guest. Oh my God. So I've learned a lot and I'm the host that would've never guessed any of those things. No. Yeah. And is just so happy to have you in my house. There you go. And I'm worried that the shoes that you're wearing are gonna leave a scuff mark on my ground. Yeah. Not you specifically. Yes. Just in general. Yeah. Those are my worries. Yep. Isn't that funny? Yes, it is so funny. So they're all valid. All of your worries are valid and so are yours. Yep. Because I would be anxious about that too. But I guess my point is that. I'm not, I would never be so focused on one guest. In one person. And I've never left a party where I've been with you and gotten in a Carmen oh, Christina seemed like sh, I don't know. Her outfit didn't look like it came together tonight. And her, and she wasn't herself right. Yeah, I know. I know. But you're not your best self at parties, you feel like, because of these things. Things. No, not all the time. I don't think so. No. Not all the time. I am much better in a smaller, intimate, I do like a group, but I like a group. I like people that I know, I like people that I trust. I like people who I feel connected with and I, and don't make me feel judged. I'm sure like everybody does, like I'm sure nobody likes to be around people where you don't feel like your best self, but. We all have things to do and places to go, people to see, and you just, yeah. I like the invisible guest theory, and I think it's just important to remember that a lot of people are probably feeling how you are too. This is very common right now. How do you buy into this theory? Because I do feel like if you can believe it, if you can truly believe it, it'll make these events feel a little bit more tolerable. Yeah. It's just a mental thing you have to prep and I like, I think that sometimes even for me, just having a phrase that I repeat to myself or just like a mantra, if you will, but I think that I'm gonna say to myself, I'm an invisible guest. You, we talked about this last week, how a lot of things we do is performance based. Yeah. Yeah. When you're going to an event, do you feel like you're performing that night? Yeah, of course. And. I don't know. Ha, that sort of has a little bit of pressure. Maybe you need to perform as the invisible person. I need to perform as an invisible person, it's such a crazy time of year where you're, there's so much packed in to a short amount of time, usually five or six weeks. And. You do a lot, but do you really do a lot? So I think I'm gonna have a holiday party in January when it's, when I know when it's boring. I know. And there's nothing. That's why I always say, and then everybody hibernates and then we don't see everybody for like when everybody's sat and broke in January. Every really long time I'm gonna have a party then I love it. There you go. But I think it's important to remember, tea just reminded me you don't have to perform, you don't have to be perfect. These are like things I have to say to myself. You don't have to impress the strangers. You don't, you have to try to keep it authentic. Take the pressure off everybody's feeling the same. I didn't mean to task you with more things. Come on, you can do. All I have, I go through my day, just reciting mantras to myself to just try to chill the F out. But that's fine. We need to like train, chat, GPT to talk to you and be like, chill. I'm telling you that chat GPT one day is gonna be like, I'm not your paid therapist, please. Go get help, go get some real help. A. Switching gears and closing out. Yes. What is your pink spotlight this week? Okay. My pink spotlight is, I got a Brazilian blowout mm-hmm. by Sam. It looks great Two weeks ago. Hair and I am shiny, is so obsessed with it. I love it so much. I love having my hair done and love when it looks is a repeat. I think you've done this pink spotlight before but I love that it's it's so important to me that I just love it. Or you've given it a plug before, at least, but I just love it so much. So the Brazilian blowout, I think it takes her now less than two hours. She's really. Really fast and it cuts the drying time down, like more than half, like my hair can air dry. And then I've been using the shark. And I just dry it. Yep. And it takes all the frizz out of it. I have curly hair. It takes a lot of the curl out of it. I guess it's a a protein layer around your hair and eliminates frizz. And it's. Amazing. And it's so glossy. It's it looks so shiny, it's so glossy. I love it so much. It makes me so happy. And I think it's a good investment. That's a good hack. Yeah. And it's a good hack. Yeah. I really like it a lot. But I talked to Sam and she's gonna do a giveaway. I love it. So she's gonna do two blowouts. Oh my goodness, Sam. So all of the girls there are great. Yep. So we'll set this up in the IG for you. So we'll have you comment below and then we'll Perfect. Coordinate with you who's gonna do the blowout? Oh, I love that. I, that's one of my favorite things is a wash and blow dry. So I wanted to share one of my favorite things. Love it with our listeners. Oh, I love wash and blow dry. And the last time we did a blow dry giveaway, we had. So many people put in for it. So I know it's one of your favorite things too. Okay. Amazing. That is gonna be so exciting. And thank you to Sam. That is paint love blend on Instagram. She does my hair too. That's our girl. Yeah. And Shawnee did my blowout yesterday. I got my hair done and it, I haven't touched it. I didn't even put a brush. I actually, I went in after you because I went in and they were, she was like, can we not just time you guys? I'm like, I sit across from her all the time. It's totally fine. It's not like I don't get to see you, but it was funny. Oh, I wish I had known that. I know. I, we just we're always on the same schedule, yeah. We're always going a day or two apart. And that was the, I was back there later at noon'cause I had physical therapy next door'cause I hurt my back while we were away. So I was like, I feel like I spent the whole day in that plaza. Yeah, I know. So you were probably right next door to me. Okay. That's great. That is so exciting. Okay guys, look out for that giveaway.'cause that's gonna be fun for all of our CT girls or anybody who is close by. Make willing to make the drive. Yeah. But mine is actually a repeat too and it's, isn't that funny? Guys, we're like 40 something episodes in, so we're probably gonna have to start repeating our pink spotlights because, we only have so many favorite things about you not being authentic. Also, but they're au I was just gonna say, yeah they're authentic to us. So mine, again, I've shared these before, but they are the bows little, like EarPods. Actually, guys, she does wear these, I wear these all the time. I've seen her come into my house with them on, yeah, she didn't lie. I am not, she does keep them clipped to her ear. I'm not lying. They look like ear jewelry. They do. So they literally look like earrings. So these are, so if you have any trouble with your AirPods or I used these, like when I was explaining them last time, I was saying that they're. They do. So these do not drown out any noise. So these are not something that you would wear if you're like on a flight somewhere or something, where you want to be immersed in whatever you're doing. These are a little bit more practical for the every day. So I wear these, but'cause I'm somebody that wears only one AirPod. Yes. So I have one ear so that you have one ear for the world and one ear for what I'm doing because somebody's always calling mom or I need you. Or if I'm on a walk, I'm worried that a bear is coming or a car. If you, so if you need to be aware of your surroundings for any reason and you find yourself only using one AirPod. And sometimes that could get annoying, especially when you're like listening to something, then you not, because then I end up losing one. You end up losing one. Or sometimes like things are made for two, like they're, like you only hear one part of the song or one part of whatever. So yeah, you're not getting the full audio experience with the AirPods in one ear. So these are like an ear jewelry. So you literally clip them into your ear and they sit here. So I love that. They're also not in your ear canal. I love those. Like they're Bob, they do not hurt at all. I can wear these all day. And I really mean that where you don't get fatigued, like your ear doesn't get sore or anything. So they're just they're just so comfortable. I'm like showing it on. I wanna get those. They are phenomenal. So I can wear both of them, but I can also have a conversation. Yeah. So if I was like, again, listening to something, sometimes I'm like listening to our podcast or I'm listening to something, I'm trying to edit something. But like I don't need to be immersed where it's like nobody can get ahold of me. If they need me or if I was on a walk or somewhere like that. Do they have any deals for those Right now? They do. So what I found was sometimes they run promotions and I will definitely keep you guys posted. I always share them on my page when they're on an actual promotion. But I found a refurbished pair from Bose. They have a ton of them for the holidays and they're half off. So they go from$300 to one 50 refurbished, like fully, like with a And what is that on Bose. On Bow on the direct website. On the direct website, they have refurbish options. So I'm gonna link that in the show notes because they had them available for one 50. I'm literally looking it up right now as we talk. Yep. I want them And they are so comfortable. Incredible. The sound quality is amazing. The charge is like the battery life is amazing on them. They're like easy to hook up. Like I have just had, I'm a Bose girl, I always say that. Love the brand so much. I really don't stray from them, but Oh yeah. They have a whole refurbished section on their website. Yes. Yeah. So like way to save some money. And this would be such a good gift. Like my husband has them too, like where we just love them so much and then obviously they have the other ones that aren't the outer ear.'cause this is like an outer ear style. They have the inner ear style as well, if that is your thing. No, I like the outer ear style. And they have a lot of colors on here. Yeah. They really, I really can't say enough. Like I feel like this is like a very unique thing that it's outer ear, but the sound quality is impeccable. So I love this because, oh my, I'm copying you. I'm gonna get a pair for Joseph for Christmas because he's been wearing my air budds. Yeah. My air pods all the time. And then he gets his disgusting ear wax in. Yes. So gross. This is, this does not go in, so it does not, it, they don't get gross. They don't need to really be cleaned or anything. Like it's Yeah, I do agree. Like the air budds could get so like skeevy and nasty. So like that No, this is so great. It looks like I'm wearing like a big ear cuff. Yeah. I like, I love them so much. Okay. I'm glad that you share that. So I cannot recommend them enough. Like literally I share them every chance I get'cause they are so fun. And then I always share when they are on deal. So if you don't follow me, follow me. And then I'll, I always share them on my stories when they're on sale. Yay. Yeah. So thanks girls again. We have some guests lined up for the end of the year, and t and I are gonna be recording our little hearts away for the next couple of weeks because we're powering through the holidays. We're gonna have episodes going live throughout the holiday season. No, we don't want the holidays to drop out because I always find that during the hall, like after Christmas. I have time where I wanna listen to something meet, because I'm like taking on vacation down tree, or it's a little bit more quiet or it's, I'm driving in the car. Yeah. Enjoy your sink going on vacation. And I always hate that my, my favorite podcasts are Take a break, are down for two weeks. No. So we, you feel the same way. So we don't want that for our listeners. Yeah. We're powering through the holidays. You guys can happily listen to us, happily on your little bow. Keep, keep listening to us throughout the holiday season. But we have some really fun guests lined up that are gonna be for the rest of the month. We convinced our moms to come on. Yes. Yep. Hopefully our moms are gonna be on an episode soon and we have lots of fun guests, we have lots of fun guests coming up and then other conversations. And if there's anything that you guys wanna hear, just let us know and we will be back with you next week. So have a great week. Go be an invisible guest. Yes. Enjoy your holiday season. Bye. Bye.