Episode 38: Unwrapping the Pressure: What the Holidays Really Feel Like for Moms

Episode Description:

This week, we’re talking about the side of the holidays no one puts on the family cards. The joy, yes — but also the pressure, the mental load, and that feeling like moms are the ones holding the glitter-covered ship together.

We dig into family expectations, hosting anxiety, the gift-giving spiral, and the myth of the perfect magical Christmas. We also talk about what our kids actually remember, how to set boundaries without guilt, and the small ways we’re simplifying this year so the season feels like connection instead of chaos.

If you've ever felt like you love the holidays but you also need a nap from them… you’re in the right place.

💗 Pink Spotlight

Each week, we highlight a moment, product, or practice that’s bringing us joy:

Kristina: A fresh mobile spray tan from @glamandtan. She’ll come right to your home anywhere in Connecticut for $75–$95 depending on location, or visit her West Hartford studio for $65. Kristina loves the at-home option so she never has to leave the house. glamandtanct.com

Christina: Renting a designer bag from Vivrelle — a fun way to switch up accessories during the holiday season without the commitment. You can use code CHRISTINATARABISHY to get your first month FREE and try it out. (Updated offer from what I shared on air… and even better!)

🌸 Things We Mentioned

• Disposable plates and silverware that actually looks real! Your guests might ask you if they should throw this away!
• Christina's "Dressed Up" French Toast Recipe: 
  • Ingredients:
    • 10 slices of thick white bread cut into small bite-sized pieces (texas toast is best)
    •  1 8ounce package of cheddar cheese
    •  6 eggs
    •  2 cups milk (or milk substitute)
    •  1/2 cup melted butter Salt to taste
    •  Glass pan
  • Directions:
    • Add layer of bread pieces to pan
    •  Top with thin layer of cheese
    •  Alternate bread/cheese layers
    •  Beat eggs until foamy
    •  Add milk to egg mixture
    •  Pour milk/egg mixture over bread/cheese, make sure all bread is evenly coated
    •  Put pan in refrigerator overnight to soak (or at least 4 hours)
    •  When ready to bake, add melted butter on top of bread
    •  Bake uncovered at 325 degrees for 1 hour
    •  **Optional: add bacon crumbles and/or cinnamon and sugar before serving**
    •  Serve with maple syrup! Enjoy!

Want to share your own traditions or the pressures you’re letting go of this season? Send us a DM or join the Inner Circle chat — we’d love to hear how you're finding your pink again through the holidays. 💞

Join the Conversation

📌 Follow us on Instagram: @prettyinpinkagain @christinatarabishy @kristinabontempo
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Don't forget:  Leave us a written review on Apple Podcasts, DM us your address, and we’ll send you a light pink beaded bracelet with a gold pink flamingo charm—just to say thanks for being here. 💕

Transcript

0:00

I am Christina and I'm t, and this is the Pretty and Pink Again podcast where motherhood meets rediscovery. Hey, happy Monday. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. Recovering from our crazy weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Busy weekend. I know. I literally did not even have a sip. Actually, I sipped on a beer for a second, but then I changed my mind this weekend and I still feel hung over just because I went to bed past midnight. That's where we're at right now. We didn't go to an after party this year. No, we didn't even have an after party home. I know. We're so lame. We had such an amazing time at the annual Connecticut Children's Gala, which is such a fun night and it just means so much. It's a foundation that just has done so much for our community and always raises so much money. But they put on this annual gala. There's always a theme. A lot of our friends are part of the different committees to put it together. And this year's theme was wicked. So if you didn't see our little dress reveal, it worked out that we were like alphabet and Glinda. I thought the entertainment this year was excellent too. I loved the Broadway singers. It wasn't just like a long program. Mm-hmm. It was a very touching Yes. Event. Everything was woven together so seamlessly. Yeah. And Wicked is so huge right now, too. So there was like lots of performances and it was just, it was such a fun, amazing night. Yeah. So they raised a ton of money. I could not get over. Generosity of the people that donated it was incredible. It was really special. And so yeah, we're recovering from that.'cause it's Monday, the gala was on Saturday. It was just a long day. But it goes by so fast too. I feel like an outing like that, you just blink and Yeah, it's over. But it was very beautifully well done. It was so fun. Great job girls. I know. It was so fun. So it was so fun. I can't wait to hear what next year's will be like. That's like our one big winter fall event. I feel like there's, and then everybody goes into like hibernation. Before that. It's a good time to have a, an event like that.'cause any later in November you get into the holidays into Thes, which is what we're gonna be discussing today. So we figured we're in November. Thanksgiving is coming up then Christmas and New Year's. It's, as everybody says, the most magical time of the year. It is the season. But we wanna know what does this mean for you? Mm-hmm. The one that is going to make the magic happen. Yes. What does that mean for the magic maker? It's stressful to be a mom in like the holiday season and I'm dipping my toe into it a little bit, but there's a lot to do and a lot to live up to, and there's just, there's a lot of pressure. There's a lot to do when you're already. Doing a lot. There already is a lot to do. So now you have a lot more to do. And nobody wants to spend time with family and cook and clean and make things joyous for the people around them with a chip on their shoulder. And hate that they're doing it and I never wanted to be one of those people that said, I just wanna get through the holidays. I just wanna get through the holidays. I hate that phrase. I know, because the holidays are such a special time of year. It's supposed to be so magical and it's a time where you usually get to connect and see your family and you get to eat well, and it's it's also very nostalgic. Yes. It's very, it's time of year that brings you back to things that you love. And also it's a time that reminds you of how far away you've come from the things that you love. That's true. So it can be a really sad time of year too, for many people. For sure. Many people who have financial troubles, it's a very stressful time for them. If you are a parent that has multiple children who you're trying to buy gifts for and keep up with the other kids in the class. And if your children believe in Santa Claus, if you have kids in the car, turn this down, and other kids are getting all these elaborate gifts from Santa Claus and you give your child one or two and your kids are like, how come Santa didn't do this for us? There's a lot of pressure involved in gift giving. There's also pressure involved in where you spend your time. Yeah. If you have in-laws, if you're lucky enough to be loved by lots of people mm-hmm. you have to split your time. Like a double-edged sword. No, I love the way that you said that too.'cause it's, yeah. It's hard to, if I say it any other way, I'll just be irritated. Yeah. Very politically correct. So I know we wanted to unpack all these like tough topics. Yeah. The holidays can definitely be hard. And why do you think though, that they're supposed to be joyful? It's another one of those things where we say it's supposed to be, it's supposed to be, they're supposed to be magical. They're supposed to be joyful. Why do you think that there is so much pressure you just named? Obviously it could be financially stressful, you're dividing your time. Anytime you do anything good in life, even remember your wedding day anytime anything good happens to you, it requires preparation. Yes. Lots of moving parts. And if you are the person doing the work mm-hmm. that's stressful for you. Like your kids wake up on Christmas morning, they're opening all their Christmas gifts. You wanna see them enjoying their toys but all I have in the back of my head is I want to have a magic person picking up the wrapping paper and the stuffing and cleaning it all up simultaneously. It's hard to make the magic happen, yeah. But I also think that. We're thinking of it as like the holiday and it's okay, you're thinking of Christmas if that's what holiday you celebrate, but it's a season. It's it's a marathon. It's not just, it's not just one day or two days. There's so much going on for about six weeks and we're nearing that, that mark right now where there's so much preparation. There's holiday events, there's holiday parties at school, you have to get gifts for a million different people, for teachers, for your friends, for your family, for your own kids. The list is just ongoing. And until the crash out at the end of the year. One year for Halloween. Our family dressed up as Christmas. So I dressed up as a present. Nick dressed up as a kid on Christmas morning. Vincent was, Santa Mila was a reindeer. Ava was Cindy Lou who, and Joseph didn't wanna participate, so he was wearing this like all black costume. I remember that. So I said, Joseph, you're the grim reefer. Yes. I remember that. The credit card bill after the holidays. There you go. And it was amazing. He kept telling everybody, I'm the credit card bill. Yeah, I'm the credit card bill. Yeah. The darkness. The darkness that comes after. Yeah. But what is one thing that you love about the holidays and then one thing that instantly stresses you out? Okay, so I love hosting the holidays here. Mm-hmm. That is one thing I love about the holidays. I have a big open house on Christmas Eve. I love hosting the holidays here, but what stresses me out is when we can't be here and we have to pack up the kids and go elsewhere on Christmas Day, like that sort of stresses me out. And I think that part about the holidays is a little bit of a give and take. Like I can't just always be home, even though it works for me in my family, I have to be like flexible and make things work for our family members who wanna see us too. So I feel like that's one thing, just maybe specific to Christmas. I like being home and I like hosting. I like cooking, but it stresses me out to pack up my family and go elsewhere. Go elsewhere. Yeah. I love, I'm with you. I love. People at my house because I'm like a creature of habit. I like being home, especially with the kids. I just find it so much easier to stay on schedule if somebody's cranky, if they need a nap, it's just like easier. You're at your house, and I do feel like it's much harder to leave with the kids and make sure you have all of the things. It's getting a little easier as they're getting older, but you're off schedule. The car rides are long. I find all of that extremely taxing and hard, so I'm with you on that. Where it's I like to have people in my own house, but then that's like a double-edged sword because then you are the one hosting and there's so much to do during that day. There's so much to prep for. So it's either way you look at it, you're either like leaving the house and getting a break from cooking and cleaning at your own house. But then there's so much stress that comes along with packing everybody up and running around and making sure that you're getting there on time and making sure everybody's happy. All of that, or you're home doing all of the work. You know what I mean? And maybe your kids are a little bit happier because you're not having to travel all over the place, but there's so much stress with hosting at your house. So I am with you where it's it's a give and a take. It is. I wish I could tell you like I've mastered. Entertaining. I think I've mastered certain things. I know certain dishes work well. I know like how late I can buy certain foods, how early I have to buy. Other ones. I can alleviate, like now that we have different, food delivery things, you don't necessarily have to be rushing out to the store to get things Right. But food can be very expensive. It can. So what we've actually started doing, especially with my husband's side of the family, which is a lot larger, there's a lot of siblings and then there's a lot of kids underneath there. We're like nearing 10 almost. So it's just starting to be a lot of people. And what we started to do, even when we host, we will sometimes do the main. Dish or like the main event. And then everybody else will contribute in other ways. Like maybe somebody's bringing some of the side dishes, somebody's bringing dessert, somebody's maybe bringing some of the beverages or drinks, but everybody kind of divides and conquers this way. It doesn't feel like it's all on one person. Oh, I love that. And so that has helped a lot because, but because even with one thing sometimes, if we're doing the Turkey, even that is still a lot, it's still just, a lot of responsibility to just do the one kind of main dish. But it has helped a lot. Yeah. And. That. So that's worked for our family, so that's great. Yeah. Do you do like a kids' table, an adult's table? We haven't had to do that yet, but we're nearing where there's so many people where we're definitely gonna have to divide, and that's gonna require like bringing in additional tables, because there's not every, there's not enough seating with what we currently have. So it's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It is a lot. It is a lot. Yeah. I do Christmas Eve. And I don't do a. Like a traditional sit down, down, down dinner. And everybody always ends up around the island. Yeah. And I think that's why I like Christmas Eve so much. Yep. Because it's a little chaotic. Yep. Which I'm a little chaotic and things can come out of the oven and you can eat the food when it's hot and you don't have to worry about the timing.'cause I get very stressed, love that. Stressed out about okay, if the pork tenderloin comes out at 6:00 PM then it has to sit for 25 minutes and then we have to wait to cut it. Yeah. And then I'm getting the vegetables out and I only have two ovens, which I'm lucky enough to have two ovens. But how are you supposed to have everything hot? And I get you, yeah. And then everybody has to sit and stop what you're doing and sit like it's, that to me is a little stressful. I completely agree with you. And I like the, it's a little bit more non-pressure and it's a little bit more socializing. And I like that you can eat and pick when you want. Yeah. People can come in and out. Yeah. If my cousins have in-laws and they have to go to their wives or husband's side of the family, they can do that. They can come, the kids can all see each other.'Cause also, like I. I have really fond memories of when I was a kid, we would go to my dad's sister's house every year on Christmas Eve, and it was like a party, it was my like favorite holiday. And then Christmas day we would just get to stay home. My mom would cook, probably my grandparents came over. But I have very nostalgic memories to that. And my husband has like this, a sa, the same setup. He would do like a big fun family Christmas Eve and then Christmas morning wake up. And so I'm trying to, I love that, replicate that for my kids, but yet, and not just shove my own traditions on them, like make our own. So I love that because I'm now, especially being a parent, I feel like I want my kids to be able to wake up on Christmas and be at their house and be able to open their gifts and not have to rush out. And so I do like a Christmas, like Christmas Eve is like the night, that's like the night. That's like fun. It's a kickoff. And then I like the slower at home Christmas morning with the family, eating with the family. I hate rushing around on Christmas day. I feel like that's so hard. But when you're trying to see a lot of people and work around other schedules, sometimes you don't get the, those opportunities, you have to go with what everybody else is doing and make some sacrifices. So it is really hard. I know. So what would you say to a listener that said I have to split my time. What would you suggest to a newlywed, because that's usually when it starts. It is like when you're a newlywed and when you have new kids. What do you, what would you say to somebody that's I have to split my time? How do I work on splitting my time? It's because you have to split your time. Yes. It's so hard, and I think it depends on how far your family probably lives to you in the closeness of how easily you can get to something. But I think that, oh, like you're saying, if you can do two in a day or Yeah. I think that's tough because I've been there as a kid where you're getting shuffled all over the place. We have to see this side of the family, we have to see this side of the family and it's a lot of running around. And I think that's really hard. But I think that. Starting traditions early is so helpful. Mm-hmm. We have not really done this as a family on either side, and I think we're starting to run into an issue where. We need to make sure that if we have whatever the holiday is that we're going to celebrate as a family, it's ironed out ahead of time. Mm-hmm. So that everybody is available for that. Everybody else can tell their in-laws or their families that this is where they're going for that holiday, but it's hard because you wanna be able to split. So I think in some instances you almost have to split the holiday, like not the actual day. Like you're going here and then you're going there. Like you're committing to maybe spending Thanksgiving with one family and then Christmas with another family. I think putting yourself in the position where you're trying to run all over the place and. It's so hard to do that, but then it's also really sad not to see another side of your, the family when you're used to seeing that it would be hard for me not to see my parents on Christmas because we're doing something else. So it's, I don't think that there is a right answer. I know. Remember, you have to just try to, I remember my first Christmas that I lived with Nick. We were like just married. And I woke up at his house on Christmas morning and Nick gave me my gift and I gave him his gift. And he's like, all right, let's get in the car. I know you're dying to go to your parents' house. And I was like, I know, I'm sorry know. But it was my first Christmas, I wasn't at home and my little sister was still, I think she was like 11 or 12, she was still little and my other sister was there and I had like major fomo. Yeah. So I don't think Nick and I started our own traditions right away I think, no, we didn't. I think probably it took until we had Joseph, until we were like, yes, okay, what are we doing now? Yes. Like we're family. What are we doing now? Yeah. We did the same thing where we would sometimes even split because we were like, I wanna go with my family. You wanna go with your family was, and it was fine. But when you start to have kids, you're also trying to protect your family, right? Because you now have your own unit of a family, but you're also trying to appease. Your other sides of your family and maybe some siblings and parents, and it is hard. So I think that's, I know it's so hard, it's so hard to be fair, right? Because you wanna be able to spend time with the families, but then you sometimes end up sacrificing your own self and your own, like happiness. Because if you are just constantly running around worrying about making sure you see everybody, you're not really in the moment. That's very tricky. So sometimes 50 50 doesn't always mean. Equal. No, but it means it's fair. I know. Yep. I think we, what we had tried to do was we would rotate, right? So sometimes we would do like Christmas with one side of the family, or Christmas Eve with one side of the family and just and we were like, oh, it's fair because you like to be at your house for Christmas Eve, and so do I. And so we tried rotating, but when you have kids, and then when you have other people, other siblings that then have in-laws, it's just, it just gets too crazy. So I think it does almost like marking a territory of we're gonna do Christmas. This is going to be our holiday that we do. Everyone's welcome here. We've even tried to do that where we keep it, I liked your word, like the open house. Where you're like, mm-hmm. everyone can come over to our house and you don't have, you can be an in-law from another side of the family. Everybody can come here this way. Everybody gets to see each other and everybody doesn't feel like they're having to choose one side of the family or the other side of the family. So I like that. I feel like Christmas Eve allows you to do that, but even on Christmas, I feel like that's a nice, like open door, just yeah, come when you can. Everybody can come here. It's harder. But I think sometimes when you're. If you keep it that like openness where you're saying like there's no sit down dinner where you need all of the seating and you need all of the things. If you just keep it like you're hosting a party mm-hmm. and you can keep people coming in and out and there's no set time and you're gonna have food out as the day is going, then it alleviates some of that pressure. So I like that. And that's how I like to do a holiday. Like I don't need the sit down formal dinner. I just wanna be with my people, yeah. I would. I agree. So for me personally, my mother-in-law likes to host Thanksgiving. And that's a sit down thing. Yeah. And I don't lo like you, I don't love the sit down. So it actually works out perfectly that's her holiday, right? And it's good because she knows in advance that's what she hosts. That's where we go. It works out. And then we get to stay home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. They're welcome to come here. For Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. They right. They usually do. And then if they do, they'll come to my parents' house and then my kids get to have both grandparents together there. Now this arrangement didn't just happen magically. No. This took like compromise and me having to ask my husband like, where do you wanna be? What's important to you? It's important to you to see your extended family. Then this is where we'll be. It's important to me to not schlep my kids around on Christmas day. This is where we'll be. So you have to have like open conversations around this. For sure. You can't And you have to be flexible too. Yes. Because. Really, if it was just my way, my husband would not be happy. And if it was only his way, I wouldn't be happy. So you have to have some flexibility. It is certainly not perfect. There are also other holidays in the year that you have to like, accommodate fair. Fair and equal. But one tip, like if we don't see my parents and my sisters for Thanksgiving, my mom always has us over either the Sunday before or the Sunday after and my sisters come and my sister's kids come and we have a nice family dinner so we can all be together for a meal around Thanksgiving. Same thing with Christmas. If we don't see my in-laws, she'll have us up for a family meal just trying to do something else so we can see. Yep. Somebody there. So we try to figure it out. I think that sounds so great. But I'm also one and I love that, but I'm also like a very nostalgic person, and I think that this is coming a little bit with age too, where I still, that would still bum me out if I still couldn't see my side of the family on the actual holiday. I don't think that would've bothered me, but I think that now that there's kids involved in all of it, it's just, and so it goes back to why there's so much pressure. It's sometimes it's internal because you are just, it's, you set up in your head this idea of like how the day is gonna be and the morning and all of it. And yes, you can celebrate Christmas on another day but there's just something about those actual days. And so I think that sometimes is why people have a hard time because of course, that's why I said this magical plan didn't just come together so seamlessly. No. Yes, it's a sacrifice. There were arguments involved. Yes, of course. Involved in this plan. Between me and my husband. Yes, for sure. But I'll say, my mom is amazing about the holidays. She'll say to me and my sisters like, figure out where you're gonna go. Yeah. And dad and I will either come with one of you, if it's just gonna be her, the two of them left, she'll come with one of us like to, in-laws. They're very easygoing about it. And she said that her mother, so my grandmother one year lied to her and said, oh yeah, I'm going to my sister's for Thanksgiving. Sure. Go with your husband's family. And they stayed home that year on Thanksgiving because she didn't wanna give, didn't wanna pressure. She didn't wanna put pressure. Aw. And I think as a parent, like your job is to not put extra pressure right. On your children. I agree. So if you are said child mom in your forties, and your parent is putting pressure on you. I think that's. Yeah, probably normal. Yeah. That's what happens. Yeah. But I also think that's where part of the pressure comes from around the holidays for sure. And it's a hard, I think it's a probably a hard transition for our parents too. If you think about that, like they go from being the hubs of the family and everybody's coming to them, but then when everybody starts to have kids and everybody is like their own little hub of the family, it's hard. Yeah. Because like they wanna bring everybody back in dead sharing but it's sharing. But I think sometimes you almost have to release that. There has to be some release of that. I've been very lucky. Both my parents and my in-laws have been, everybody's been very gracious about it and flexible and trying to work. But you also, it's not just about the kind of like political aspect of did you get to see this person? It's more that you just want to see everybody. You wanna be able to spend time together. You don't wanna miss out on memories and all of that. But it is, it's, it gets really tricky. In-laws and with just with sizes of family. So we feel you, if you guys are having those hard conversations like we're probably having in our own homes. Yeah. It's hard. So have you put into place any holiday traditions yet? Like a plate like. You make a certain food, go to a certain place, see a show? Definitely, as our own family, like the four of us, we wanna start to put some traditions in place. Last year we went to a tree lighting at That's cute. T at TT Collective. Oh my gosh. Which was so fun. So there's kicks off the season. Yeah. So I feel like there's definitely things that we're gonna be trying to do as our family just to do. Traditions.'cause I think that there's nothing better as a kid than having traditions. To look forward to. Yeah. And it's crazy, even though Leo's three and a half this Christmas, like he remembers things from last Christmas. So that also goes to show like why there would be like pressure that you would put on yourself. These kids are remembering everything, you want, there is almost pressure to create traditions and to make it nostalgic. And we had said this is their childhood, they, their memories. I think about that. And if that has been, I know I said it on a recent podcast, I know about Halloween. That pressure of this is their childhood. I is just like sitting with me a lot lately. It could be that we're in holiday season. Season, yeah. These are their memories that they're gonna take. With them to their families one day and say, I want to have something like this, or I don't wanna have something like this. And just that awareness and that pressure is crazy. It really is. So I'm trying to think about it in a positive way, but it's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah. Traditions leave a lasting memory on you. It's a little bit more than a childhood core memory. Because if it's something that you do every single year, you remember it even more. You do. It's so true. So we travel around Thanksgiving. Yep. That, so like our family travels, you guys have your trip around Thanksgiving and that's like our kickoff to the holiday season is we do that and then we take the kids to see the Christmas show in New York City every year. That's so fun. And we don't usually miss it, and the kids will look forward to going. It's, that's like our, like holiday tradition. But this year we're going with my parents and Nick's family, like we're all going together. That's so fun. Fun. Which I think is gonna be really fun. Like my sisters are go the kids are going, like at my aunt and uncle are going like we're making it a big group. We're making it a big group. That's so fun. Because when I was little, I remember like loving doing things with my grandparents. Mm-hmm. I loved when my grandparents were there. So we're trying to do more things and include. Parents. Whereas like I think when my kids were younger, I was very territorial of the memories.'cause I was like, no, I want them, like I wanna savor them just for myself. But as my kids are getting older, I feel more comfortable sharing them. Yeah, that makes sense. Does that make sense? It does. No, that makes a lot of sense. I don't know. So those are like our, like the Bon Temple's, like two things that we do. I love that. I what are some other pressures though that you tend to feel with the holidays? Duh. All the money you have to spend on gifts for everybody Gift. Ugh. Yes. It's so stressful. It is so crazy. It's so stressful. And even when I think I have it down to a science. Like when I buy in bulk for teachers and this and that, it just, it's like there's so many people to buy for I know. And you don't wanna slide anybody. I know. And yeah. You want it to be fair. Okay. So this is my other thing. My kids have everything. Everything. Yep. If they are shoes don't fit them, I buy this size bigger. If they need something, I get it. And they almost get it like so instantaneously that nobody waits for anything anymore. No. When I was a kid, I remember clearly having to wait for Christmas or my birthday for something. I unfortunately don't. Run that ship in my house. I wish I did. But if they need something, we get it. I know. So then at Christmas I'm looking for things to buy them. And I think it's absolutely ridiculous. I know, the stuff just is so overwhelming. But, so I wanted to pick your brain on maybe some, because we feel that too. And I also feel like when you have a big family and when again, we use that term like when you're lucky enough to have a lot of love and everybody wants to be generous and give gifts to your kids, are there ways to streamline that? So maybe it takes the pressure off. Yeah. So for instance, this Christmas show was my parents like gift to us and like my kids, because same thing, they have seven grandkids to buy for that gets expensive. Mm-hmm. And she's what do you, what do your kids you need? Need? What do you need? Like one year I was like, can you send them to camp? Can that be their gift? But so for me. We like to do an experience. But in order to like open stuff on Christmas Day, I don't really have a good takeaway for you. I know.'cause it's hard. I feel the same way. I am, I try to be very practical with things. Like, when my parents will ask or someone, I'm like, they need like PJs, they need shoes. They need not exciting things. That's what they actually need. They're outgrowing stuff. That's what we would actually use. But there's, you wanna be like opening the fun, exciting things for Christmas and it's, it does get like very overwhelming with even just the mental pressure to be like, what do the kids need? What do they actually need? Mila and Eva want skincare. That's what they told me they want. It's not what they need because they have perfect skin. But they said they want skincare. Unreal. So I don't really know. And what like grandparents wanna buy your kids is not exactly what you wanna always buy your kids, right? And usually they're like, oh, what do you want? What do you want me to get them? Like just buy them whatever you want. Buy them what you want to see them open. I know. Know if it's gonna excite you. And I'll worry about it later. I know, I used to get so annoyed, I'm like, oh, this is creating more work for me.'cause where am I gonna put this know? And I'm like, oh my God. I know it's the micromanaging, which I tend to do. And it I think that's actually like a really good approach is it's like you buy what you think will make you happy to see them open, yeah. And I think that sometimes we do go, it's like we're too much. It's like just, okay. If that's what's gonna make the grandparent happy, if they're loving and they wanna buy a gift, then just buy whatever you wanna buy. And we'll get them what they need anyway. And it's, I think sometimes you have to just let those things go. You do. And I have, I had to learn the hard way. Because I'm like, what? I'm making more work for myself. Yeah. Even like going back and forth with it. But no, the gift giving for my own children I struggle with because I feel like I gift give. Every single day. Mm-hmm. And I try to get gifts that aren't like too extravagant. Because I don't want them to tell their friends, oh, I got this. And then their friends be like, oh, you got this. And, but I also try not to like. Downplay it too much.'cause they're still little and there's, it's still exciting. It's hard. So Leo was two and a half last Christmas, and so he, it was the first we like saw Santa, we gave him a list. I asked him, he was able to tell me like what he wanted to ask Santa for. And so I, it was the first year where I was like, oh, I have to like actually deliver on this because he has a mind that remembers every little detail. And I was one of those moms with a two and a half year old running from target to Target looking for what was in stock. And I was like, this is crazy. I can't believe that we're already here. And so I don't even know what we're asking for Santa this year, but it's I don't know, even just that pressure alone, you're like, wow. I just can't believe how I guess how it just snowballs and how crazy it can get. I think as far as like extended family too, like that even starts to stress me out with just like how many people you need to buy for. It's like enough stress, like worrying about your kids and making sure that you think they're gonna be happy with what they have. But there's just so many, even like extended kids, extended adults, that is where I start to be like. Gift. I will preface and say gift giving is not my love language. It's not my love language. It's a lot of people's love language. It's a lot of people's love language. And it's not how I like, I don't like to, not that I don't like to receive gifts, who doesn't like gifts, but it's, to me, I just don't put a lot of weight on them. Yeah. Yours is more acts like acts. Mine is definitely like words and quality time is probably what I would think is, are mine. But so I just don't tend to put a lot of weight on gifts in general. And, but to your point, a lot of people do. And so I think that could get stressful too. And just the, sometimes the amount of people you think that you need to buy for. I remember one time before we all had kids with my. Husband's side of the family. I was like, we're all just adults giving each other gifts. And so we decided to do like a secret Santa where it was like, that's genius. Pick one person and that's who you buy a gift for. And at this point, I'm hoping, and I'm putting it out there, so any of my family that's listening, maybe we just do that with the kids, where it's the kids go in a secret santa and there's, you buy one gift for whoever your secret Santa is. And the adults like, stay out of it. I don't need a gift. Like I, I just, I feel like the pressure and the amount that you have to spend on people, it's I don't need to open anything. I feel like it's about the kids now I'm all set. Don't worry about me. I'm not gonna feel slighted. Like it's just, it gets to be so much. I know. So my mom isn't really like a gift giver. She doesn't love to do that. So usually for Christmas she gifts us a night away. Go away. I'll watch your kids love that love and here's a gift card. Love that to like a restaurant. I love that from parents. So if you are a grandparent, give your children the gift of time. A babysitter away. Yeah. Babysitter. The kids. That is like such a good, I know a good gift to give your kids, but I agree. Then we don't have like Nick's sister's single, so I buy for her, and then my sisters, I usually still buy them like a little something. Yeah. But we buy for the kids. I think that's what you have to do at a point where you're just like, this becomes about the kids, but then in order for it to not be madness where you're having to buy for nine kids at this stage, and on one side of the family, I think the secret Santa to simplify and get one thing, and then also just, then it's like you don't, it's less to wrap, it's less to do. It's less for all of it. Oh my God. The wrapping. It's crazy. One year I got the monogram wrapping paper that had all their names on it, and it all looked so good until one pile was bigger than the other. And it doesn't ever look fair because the boys want like an Xbox, or right. Joseph wanted a electric E-bike. Yep. And I'm thinking to myself he's gonna get one thing, one gift with e-bike, one gift, and the girls are opening like 50 little things. So I'm always trying to like, make the piles look No, the equal, the politics, the fairness. Ugh. It's fairness. Crazy. I know. And even like with the wrapping paper, like I didn't, somebody brought this to my attention last year and I was like, what? They were like, wait, are you gonna get like different wrapping paper from Santa? And I was like, oh my God. Like I didn't even think about that. And then some people were saying that they don't even Santa doesn't wrap gifts, so I think it's just they always, Santa, always wrapped gifts in my house. But yeah, there's just so many little things to think of, which is just so crazy. But what about the pressure? This sounds like this would be coming from my mouth because I feel like I've used this in every basically category we've talked about on this podcast, but the pressure for everything to be perfect. Do you feel like stress with that or are you a little bit more carefree? I like everything to look perfect. Yeah. I like to have themed Christmas trees. I'm not like a perfectionist, but I like the trees are coming out next week. Yeah. And I need my elves here helping. Mm-hmm. Like my mom and dad come over and it's like a whole thing. And I'm a psycho because I do trees for different rooms and I plan them out throughout the year. And it's not for anybody else's enjoyment except my own. But you, that's yeah. I don't let the children put their. Ornaments on my trees, they could put them on their little trees in their room because their ornaments from school are hideous and they don't go with my decor. Oh, so you are a little aesthetic. You got a little aesthetic in there. So I do have a little aesthetic in me, but yeah. A little aesthetic. Psycho. I don't have pressure. Yeah. Because I want others to see it. It's for me, yeah. I want the, I enjoy it. Yes. It's all for me. Yes. I agree with that. But I do it every year. So I can't not do it this year. I've done it every year. If I said to Nick, I'm only putting up one tree this year, he'd be like, what is wrong with you? I will say for, so for me, I am like, I can get myself pretty wound up about like things looking a certain way and I want things to be this way. And last year. We all know that I had a really tough year. And I said, this is not the year for the big Christmas tree. We did one Christmas tree. We did it in the foyer, which I don't even think I, I don't even know if I shared that. I just was like, I think I shared pictures from previous years. I was like, I just don't have it in me this year. And I made myself very okay with that. I repeated that to myself. I said, I'm not gonna do it. It's too much we're gonna do. Like the one we put it in the foyer.'cause I didn't want the kids all up in it. They were like, Layla was just crawling around. It was just too much. It was not the year for it. I was very surprised but also proud that I made that decision. This is not the year to make my life more challenging. And I could sit there and say, this is what we normally do and this is how I like it to look. And I just said no. And it honestly relieved a lot. Just just allowing myself to even say, no, I don't feel like doing this. We're not decorating a ton this year. It's okay. And this year we're feeling it, so we like, it's just, I feel like it's a tree. Yeah. We got a new tree. Is it up yet? We did put it up and we haven't decorated it yet, but I just feel like just allowing yourself to. Be okay if it's not the year, if you're not feeling it that year. But I feel the pressure to have this like perfect hallmark decorated Christmas is real. Yeah. I feel that pressure, I feel like, again, we always come back to the social media of it all. It's crazy. Who doesn't want a very like nostalgic decorated house? But see, I love a decorated house. I love it. And when it all comes down after Christmas, I want it, my house looks like it got robbed. I know, because it's like bare. I know, but it's so much. It is, it's so much. It is a lot of work. I even did it when I was pregnant with the twins and I remember taking the tree down on New Year's Day. I had like my parents over here and I was like, get this tree down. I'm not delivering these twins with a Christmas tree up. I know. I know. That's the January birthday. What do you think kids really do remember about the holidays though? Do you think it's like the perfect decorated house or do you think it's the other things? No, it's definitely not the perfect decorated house because they,'cause you're saying that's for you? That's for me. And my kids are very clear. That's for mom. They remember going to their grandparents' house. They remember seeing their cousins. They remember all I make a seafood tower. Yeah. They remember that. They remember when friends come by. Cause we have certain friends that come with their kids. And those kids are like their cousins. Like they remember the time spent, they remember the food. I think they might remember some gifts. Of course. Yeah. But they remember the, like the memories time. The memories. They remember the memories. They don't remember right. The tree and the decoration. So if you personally don't enjoy doing them. Then I think you should take a page from Christina's book and not do that.'Cause if I see, I enjoy it. I enjoy it. I'm like a weird weirdo and I love doing it. Yeah. And I don't mind the work. I think, and I also think that could ebb and flow. Yeah. I usually love doing it and I love being around it, but there was just a year where I was like, this is not it this year. Yeah. So I'm glad you gave yourself a pass. I think sometimes around the holidays, like the kids. Even like adults who put emphasis on gifts can get a case of the gimmies I want more. And I think because we live in a time where you have access to everything mm-hmm. Like so quickly. We've done some things that make me feel better about the gift giving, and I'm trying to relay these messages to my kids and have these be part of the things that they remember. So like a few years ago, one of my girlfriends started a chapter in Connecticut, the Shoebox Project. Love that. So in early December, she would take donations throughout the holiday season. In early December, a group of friends and I would get together and we would do the assembly of all of these boxes with all the generous donations that we received. So I started to do something similar with my kids and that started to become our tradition. Tradition, more tradition. And more recently at school, the classes adopt a family, adopt a child. And my kids have to be responsible for buying gifts for kids their own age. And I just feel like if you are worried about the pressure of the gift giving for your own kids and them being unappreciative, I think that maybe starting something like that with them is a great place to start. When Joseph was little, we took'em to the children's hospital, he brought to toys to the Children's hospital. And did a big donation. We let'em bring them in. And I thought that was like a good place to start with that, just to teach like another level of appreciation. I love that. Yeah. I think that's really important. So you asked me earlier, what's one thing that I don't like about the holidays. Yeah. Tell me. And it is taking a family photo. Oh my God. And having to pose and make us look happy. It is so hard. We are not happy. And then I have to send out. It's ironic. Yep. Like here we all are. Yep. Smiling and our matching outfits that everybody hates. Yep. And I make you do this every year. And our photographer Michelle, like every time she gets my card in the mail, like she knows what shit was going on in the back. I was swearing and sweating. I had to bribe them. Yep. So this year I didn't take a photo. Guess what? We didn't either. I did one on my iPhone at the beach this summer. I Oh my goodness. And I'm gonna send that out. I, we didn't either, and I was, it was something that I really wanted to do. We haven't taken any sort of professional family photos. Like, I haven't gotten any so stressful. I haven't done like newborn or family, anything like that. I've wanted to, it is something that I wanna do. I wanna be able to have nice pictures of the kids and us. But every time I went to book the photographer, the kids were sick and I was like, this isn't gonna work. He's sick now, so she's gonna be sick in a couple days. And it just didn't work. And I said, we're not gonna have a picture this year, so I don't even know if we're gonna send out a card. Somebody I just saw was like, I love your card every year. And I was like, I honestly don't know if we're sending one this year. It was like a source of stress and I was like, you know what? We're not gonna do it. If it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Maybe the picture that you had taken of the kids, the school pictures? Yes. The black. Yes. Oh, we could do that one. Maybe do that one. Maybe we could just do that. They're so cute. I know. And these shows their little faces. And we don't have to stress out about the family photo. The family photo. The family photo. I know. All of our Pippa's listening are probably what we're talking about too. Like the coordinated outfits and the stress that you have to buy something new and all of it. It's like the family photo is probably like the kickoff to everybody's mentee bees during the holiday season.'cause I know everybody just goes crazy and you send out the picture and everybody went through hell to get that picture. And it's so hard. So I agree with that. That's like another one where you're like, it's just, it doesn't work. And trust. I enjoy getting them. Yeah. I love seeing my friends. Yeah. And their kids grow every year. I save the cards.. I think they're so beautiful. I love them and I love to see like what everybody decided to do. Yeah. With the font. Yeah. And I, I do in that sense pay attention to detail. Yeah. I love a nice card stock, but I didn't take professional pictures this year. I that.'cause last year I was so annoyed with my family. And you know what, we've gotten several pictures where you can just tell it was like an iPhone. Like it might even, the parents might not be in it. It's just like a cute quick picture of the kids. And those are just as meaningful as the crazy outlandish matching coordinated outfits. And you're on a beach or you're somewhere glamorous, they don't mean any less, right? Like it's just nice to mine from mine is from the iPhone. I love it. And actually, I think you go iPhone can take it. Terrific. But I like that. Even the school picture. Terrific. The school picture. I think that maybe we'll do that. That was a really good idea. Not everybody that you love is gonna see your pictures on social media. I like to send them to my great aunt. Right, of course. And uncles and cousins. And it's a family. Family that doesn't see our lives on social media. They like to get a picture of us in the mail. Put it on the refrigerator. I love it. Okay. I think that you just gave me its bow for what we're gonna do this year because that thing, I was stressing about it and then I was like, you know what? We're not worrying about it. It is what it is. And I wasn't gonna send anything. And also, if you don't wanna send a holiday card also fine, that's also fine. Yes. I received holiday emails last year. Yep. Which I thought were cute. You don't have to send something. I know. It's okay, tip. It's okay. Good tip.'cause they're also expensive. They are. It's crazy. That's what I'm saying, the matching outfits, the photographer the card itself, the mailing, it's, it is such an investment and it's crazy. It is crazy. So not necessary. Are you doing anything else to lift the pressure or is that. I'm definitely using paper goods. Okay. Oh, good tip. We do paper goods. I am such a fan of that. I will do a big Costco run and I will probably start stocking up on things like soon-ish. That are non-perishable. I'll buy like the alcohol, I'll buy the paper stock, I'll buy whatever, comes up between like now and, Christmas that's on sale that I can just stock up, down in the basement, like two of the paper towels. Just things like that. I'll just be a little bit kinder to myself. Yeah. Like around hosting time, but then. I don't really, I don't really cut back with the food. No. I think, the food is great. That's like what's important to me, and I was gonna say, I feel like food for me is that is really like the ba that's like the shining star of the moment. Like I feel like what the holidays to me is all about, like eating good food and just being with your family. I love the tip about the paper goods. Yeah. It is not a sustainable tip, but I feel like that's what I feel like it is something that just takes the load off of use. So much so there, there's like a pack on Amazon that we have gotten when we've hosted and they literally look like plates, like if you're so concerned, you can literally make a tablescape with them. They look like plates and then the, they're, if you really wanna get fancy, they have matching like gold disposable silverware and like disposable cups that are rimmed with gold and they look beautiful. So you don't have to kill a tablescape to, in order to have your life be so much easier, we've had people be like, wait, do we throw these away? And I'm like, they go in the trash. Yes. But, so if you feel like you need something a little bit in the middle, I can link the set that we've used because they come in like a pack of 50 and we sometimes we've had them and we've had them for leftovers. Oh yeah. And they might even come in like a pack of a hundred. Amazing. And so worth. It's such a good tip. Yeah. Such an amazing tip. If I host Christmas'cause sometimes some years I do. I do a sit down dinner and I use China and I use a place mat and I use a napkin that goes to the dry cleaner the next day. And I use glass that's fancy. Like it's fancy. Yeah. But I don't love that. No. So that's why I prefer, yeah. A non sit down dinner with paper goods. Yep. I love that. In the trash. Less dishes like make your life easy. Also, when I'm hosting, I put the platters out ahead of time. And I write on a sticky note what's going on the platter. Oh, I like that. So people, if they're in the kitchen and they're helping, they know where to put things, things go. If something's coming out of the oven oh, this goes here. Or it's, oh, this goes there. Everything is like preset. And I, us, I don't cook every single thing I order in some side dishes and then I cook no mix and I cook some side things. So those are my. Hosting tips. I love that. Okay. Those are all really good tips. Pippa's, if you guys have any hosting tips that you can send our way, I feel like that is just like women helping women when you have,'cause I feel like it takes, it's like a science, right? When you get it down and you're like, this works, right? And all of the things. And I just love learning hacks for that type of stuff.'cause we're all about the hacks here. Yeah. And I feel like if you have any good hosting holiday entertaining or just like holiday hacks to make your life easier during this time, please share them with us, share them all, and we'll share them with you guys. We can do that on Instagram too, because I feel. Everybody has a different experience and we all have the knowledge. We all know what makes life a little bit easier, so share the wealth. I know. On Christmas Eve last year, Nick went out and got bagels for the next morning. He got like the Christmas color bagels. Ooh. Cute. And then he got a gigantic Cinnabon from the bakery. And that was breakfast the next morning easy. And it was perfect because it was like a Christmas themed breakfast. I wasn't cooking, I was enjoying. I just feel like if you could make your life extra easy. Yes. Ooh, that reminds me. I have a really good one. So my mom, I've shared this recipe on my blog before, so I'll see if I could find it and share it with you guys. We called it like dressed up French toast for the Holidays. Ooh. And it's something that you can make the night before and have sit in your fridge. And so this is another tip. Oh, so is it like egg, you get like bread, you can get like any sort of like hearty bread. So like you can get like whatever you're serving for Christmas Eve even. Yes. Like that Texas toast, like anything that's like big, thick, dense bread. And you chop it all up, you put it in a pan, you do eggs, milk, anything like, anything flavor, like cinnamon, vanilla, cinnamon. Yep. Anything that you wanna do, you pour that over the top. You put a little bit of shredded cheese over the top pop it in your fridge, let it sit overnight. Like you make sure the bread is coated and then in the morning you just preheat your oven and pop it in and it's like the most delicious French toast ever. Everything's already cut. So it comes out as one and you can just cut it up. But it tastes like French toast and French toast is oh, I love that. A labor of love. Sometimes you have to sit there, you have to do it in batches. It's so easy and it feeds a group. We've done that several times and that is gonna be like something. So maybe we'll do that for Christmas because it's ready. You can have it done the night before. And then in the morning when everyone's opening the gifts, you like pop it in. And then everybody can eat. I love that. Yeah. What about a hostess gift? If you go to somebody's house? Do you bring a gift? We, if you do, what do you like? Do you have any good suggestions? We always I feel obviously everybody brings wine, but I feel like I have loved when people have brought like olive oil to our house, like a nice olive oil. Anything for the kitchen that's that's could be usable. Like a little bit of a gadget or something along those lines. I like stuff like that. Mm-hmm. I find that very useful. Okay. But I love an olive oil. An olive oil. If you're gonna get me like a nice olive oil, I think that is just so special. Okay. That's a good idea. And it lasts, especially if you have a nice one. I'd much rather have that than a bottle of wine. That's a terrific idea. Last longer. So now while you're shopping if you have to buy a couple extra, those will last too. You can they last forever? Pop those in your cabinet and then pull'em out to bring, yep. All right. So that's a great idea. Yep. Love that. I love that. Okay. What about, should we go into our last segment? Yes, let's do it. Let's do it. All right. So we're gonna share our pink spotlight. Our person, place thing, tip, mantra, something. Making life a little better today. Do you have one for us today? I do. So is it related to this or is it not? No, it should be though. Sometimes we have themes and we're like, let's just stay on theme. But then sometimes I have random suggestions. Actually, you know what, I do think it is related to today because in the holiday season you're going to a lot of parties, events, whatever. Okay? Yep. If you're wearing a skirt or a dress, we live in Connecticut, your legs will be pale. So my pink spotlight is a spray tan. Yeah. And it's the girl that does my spray. Tans The one that comes to your house? The one that comes to my house. Okay. So she'll travel all over Connecticut. Okay. She, her name is Jenna. She has a studio her studio is in West Hartford. Oh, okay. But she'll travel. So depending on where you are, it'll be slightly more expensive. So if you go to her studio in West Hartford, I think her spray tans are$65. And then depending on how far she travels from there, the price goes up. Yep. But she comes here, she does a spray tan in less than three minutes. That's crazy. And the solution that she uses dries odorless. And it dries instantly so there's no transfer to your clothes. Wow. So when she came here the other night before the gala, two of my other friends came over. So then you like split the mobile price? Yes. So it's not as. That is such a good idea. Like it doesn't feel as bad, but I think she's great. And I think around the holidays, if you're going to holiday parties and you wanna treat yourself to something. Mm-hmm. I think a spray tan is a nice treat. Oh yeah. Especially very needed around this. I feel like that she makes she good. She's actually, she's a makeup artist too, so her precision when she applies the spray tan is great. Like she can contour and she can do whatever, but I really like it. I think. Good tip. I think she's great. And I'll link her in the show notes. Good tip. So mine is similar because if, and I feel like it's good for this time of year too, if you have like holiday parties that you're going to or anything, it's not usually the time of year where you treat yourself to something because you're so worried about everybody else. So I have started trialing out this bag rental company called Vivre and I am obsessed. So basically you pay a monthly fee and it depends on what tier you want. I think they have three different tiers. I went with the base one'cause I wanted to see what was included in that. You basically can rent bags from that. It's like a rent the runway, but it's strictly for bags. And I think they have some accessories, but I rented a Fendi baguette bag that I had been wanting forever. I wasn't sure on what size I wanted and what color I wanted because it comes in a bunch of different colors. They have a bunch of different sizes. I wasn't sure how often I would use it. So this is actually the second bag that came. The first bag that came was something else that I wanted to try, and I was like not a fan. This doesn't work. So you sent it right back. Yeah. This is not very practical for me. And so I ended up trading it in. I got this bag and I am so happy that I'm giving it, I was calling it like a test drive because I'm actually able to see is this something I'm reaching for? Is this this correct size for me? And so I'm trialing it out and I love that, that when this goes back, we're hoping to like have a vacation in the new year as well. And I'm like, then I can rent something that like maybe that could work for a vacation but that I could have just for a couple of weeks and send it back. And it's just so much fun to be able to, to kind of trial things out. But if you have an event that you need something for and you want something nice, plan ahead for it. Plan ahead. You can plan ahead if you're going somewhere, if you're traveling, especially like with seasons, because I could actually keep this bag. As long as I want. It doesn't, it's not like I have to send it back at the end of the month. So if you want it to have something for three months and then send it back and get something else and do it like quarterly, you can have that. And I just feel like that it's such a good hack and I am so happy that I'm trialing this out because I love this bag. I'm like, I don't wanna send it back. You can also offer to buy the bag and they'll give it to you at a discount oh yeah. That's good to know. That also might be something that I'll see how I feeling. Yeah. Because if it's an authenticated, like slightly used Yep. Great condition bag. Yes. Why not go for that? Why not? So like they will price that out, and you'll, they'll give it to you at a fair price. But I love that so much. And they did give me a discount too, so you could use Christina Taishi 50 and you can get 50% off your first month. Ooh. Which is really exciting. So try that out. And I feel like now that we're in like the holiday season, you can definitely. Get yourself something nice and that's great if you have any holiday parties. So how long is this rental for? So this rental is until I wanna send it back. Oh. But I, so I think I, but I do think that I'm probably gonna send it back. Sometime in December, because then I'm gonna want something, we're trying to plan a trip in January and so I'm gonna want something that's not like a fall holiday bag. I'll probably want something that I could take on a trip. Okay. And so they'll just keep charging you a monthly fee. Yeah. Until, and then, but you can keep the bag or send it back or send it and get another one. Yep, exactly. And there's different, like I said, there's different tiers, but I have been very happy with the le the lowest tier. There's so many items. It's not like a scam where you feel like, oh, you have to buy like the most expensive one. There's so many good bags. This was from the most expensive, or this was from the least expensive. So it's beautiful. It is. It's a nice, like Fendi baguette, it's like a medium size. It has two different straps. It's just like very functional for me. And I've been using it as an everyday bag. So it's been great. I love it. I love it. It's beautiful. Thank you. Good tip. Yeah. And 50% off. I know it for one month. Why not try? I know. Try it out. So let me know how you guys like it and you should try it too. I know. I'm trying to think what I have on my eye, what my eye on lately. I feel like I know it's like nice to take a look and kind of peek around. But I know. All right, so next week we will be back. Yes. Since we got this conversation out of the way, I think it's a good reminder for us to try to enjoy parts of our holiday season. It's the season and we'll get through it to together. Yes. Yes. All right. Have a good week. I know. Have a good week, girls. Bye. Bye.