Episode 36: The Highlight Reel: When Comparison Helps You Shine (and When It Steals Your Joy)

Episode Description:

Today we're getting real about comparison... the kind that creeps in while scrolling, the kind that shows up in motherhood, and the quiet moments when your life looks polished online but feels messy in real life.

We’re breaking down:

• Why we curate and what we keep offline
• When comparison can actually inspire you
• Mom comparison, identity shifts, and career comparisons 
• SAHM and "Working" mom comparisons
• Living life vs documenting it
• And how to trust your own timeline again, especially in a season of motherhood and growth

This one is honest, a little vulnerable, and such a needed reminder that no one’s life is perfect, even if it looks like it on camera. The best parts rarely make it to the grid anyway.

💗 Pink Spotlight

Each week, we highlight a moment, product, or practice that’s bringing us joy:

Kristina: Upgrading her sleep sanctuary with a new duvet and sheets from Boll & Branch. (It makes making the bed every morning a little more fun when you love it).

Christina: Getting her hormones checked with Holistic Health Code to support mood, gut health, energy, and overall balance postpartum. Taking charge of health is the new self-care.

🌸 Things We Mentioned

• Victoria Beckham documentary on Netflix
• Dr. Cait from Holistic Health Code’s Episode - listen here for a full discussion on hormone health. 

If you loved this episode, tell us:
 What’s one part of your life that never shows up online, but matters the most?
DM us or comment on the PIPA page — we want to hear from you. 🩷

Join the Conversation

📌 Follow us on Instagram: @prettyinpinkagain @christinatarabishy @kristinabontempo
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Don't forget:  Leave us a written review on Apple Podcasts, DM us your address, and we’ll send you a light pink beaded bracelet with a gold pink flamingo charm—just to say thanks for being here. 💕

Transcript

0:00

I'm Christina and I'm T, and this is the Pretty and Pink Again podcast where motherhood meets rediscovery. Hey. Hi. Sorry for my voice guys. I'm apologizing in advance because I have a little bit of a cold, I'm at the tail end of it and my voice, I just have like a laryngitis. You sound my normal voice. You sound like my 12-year-old son. Puberty. Sorry. I think it sounds good. Thanks. I know you're like, it doesn't sound that bad. I'm like, it's so much effort to talk right now, but we'll get through this podcast. This is the best job to have. I know. When you're not feeling well, I know I should be sipping on some like warm lemon water and instead I'm downing my third matcha of the day. So me how thats going. That looks so good. And I love the glass containers too, like the whole vibe. I know. Vibe is like very, matcha is a vibe like matcha has is my personality now. So, I don't know. I'm not convinced. I still picture you with a, uh, with an iced coffee. No, I'm so much, I'm so much calmer now. I'm in my matcha much more calm era.'cause when I'm drinking coffee, I'm off the wall. Like, as you know, I can't get it in my body fast enough. The morning it's like curly haired Christina Yep. Is coffee. Yep. And like straight hair chill vibes. Yep. Chill vibes. Is matcha. Is matcha. And that's where I'm at right now. We have multiple personas. I do. I do. Yep. Oh, I love it. So what's going on? Is everybody sick at home? Yeah. You know, everybody warned us about Leo entering preschool and they're like, get ready, get ready. She's the best one. Buckle up. Right? And we're just, we're going through it. We're going through what everybody told us we would, where we're just, every week there's like a different illness mm-hmm. That comes across the house and it's. Interesting.'cause it's not hitting all of us. Mm-hmm. It'll hit some of us. Right, right. And it's just enough to like, take the house down, so it'll be like she only takes one, one. Yeah. It'll be like one week it's Leo and Raj. The next week it's me and Layla, which is right now. So that's what's happening. But to be expected. And I feel like we're just buckling up for a crazy cold and flu season. So I'm, I'm a little scared, but, um, good times. I only have one. We'll get one today, just Joseph's home. Oh, he has vertigo. He's so congested. Honestly, that makes a lot of sense. He gets so dizzy and I don't know what to give him because everything is like connected. When I feel like your head is congested and then your ears are like, everything just feels weird. Yeah. So, yeah. I totally get it. So he's having a home day today'cause he's. Toast and I just feel like, I don't know, these kids are so busy, like, and yeah, their weekends are full with like their own events, their own sporting events, plus they have to attend their siblings events. Mm-hmm. And then mm-hmm. They're tired. Yep. And then they go to school and then they have afterschool activities, and then we have like piano and tennis and hockey and squash and this and that and blah, blah. I'm like, just stay home today. Do yourself a favor and stay home. I know. Little mental health day. Just chill. So we all keep ourselves so slammed and so busy and it's only a matter of time before you get run down well, I was noticing that the kids, he and Vincent in particular, their colds were lingering so much longer than usual. Like usually kids bounce back in like a day or two. Yeah. And I've been noticing recently that they don't bounce right back. No. They like linger like us, and I'm like, oh my God, you're. Tired. Yeah. You're like, I, it's hard to get over it. And that's to the club's, that's what's been happening where I'm starting to be like, Layla's been sick and she's obviously getting the brunt of it because she's the youngest and doesn't have the best immunity. And so Leo, I think could sometimes fight off whatever he's kind of getting and he brings it home and she just gets it. So I keep saying, wait, is this a lingering or are we onto something new? And who's to say? Right. It's a game at this point. So it's like, what, what illness are we battling this week? Yeah. And this week it's a chest cold, so I apologize for the voice. I'll try to Good times. I'll try to use my soft voice. Oh my gosh. Well, I guess in that vein today we're gonna be going over this highlight reel. Yes. When comparison helps you shine and when it steals your joy. Mm-hmm. That's what we're calling this episode. Yep. And I think it's important for us to share. Not everything is a high, we share that for our jobs on social media. Mm-hmm. Like some of it's funny, some of it like is just more enjoyable content, but it's not always what's happening. Right. And it sort of could be like a little bit of a rabbit hole when you're comparing yourself to everybody else's highs. And I think it's important sometimes to just sort of take a step back and remind yourself, it sometimes comparison can be good. It can help you propel you in the right direction. Mm-hmm. And when does it not? Right. I think it can do both. Sure. And I don't think, like you said, all of it's bad, but I wanted to kick this off because we both watched the Victoria Beckham documentary. Yes. Yeah. And honestly, that kind of took me back and surprised me how much I liked it and how much. I related to her on some level, and I, let me start by saying, I've always been a Spice Girls fan. Mm-hmm. Like I'm sure we all have been. And she was, posh was always my girl. Like I feel like you always kind of like gravitate towards one. You a kid to one. Well, when she was popular, that was in the mid, late nineties. Yes. And that was in your performing days? Yes. And so I just always loved her. I always kind of thought that she was kind of the quiet one, you know? And so I just always gravitated more towards her and her personality and obviously her love of fashion and, and dancing and singing and all that. So I related to her a lot on that. But she's a little bit more like reserved and so you don't really like get into her like the inner workings of her a lot and she doesn't like let everybody in. Mm-hmm. And I thought that this documentary did such a good job of, obviously she produced it, but I feel like it just let us in and really shed light on so many struggles that she was going through mm-hmm. During that entire time. Right. And so much of it went back to becoming a mom. Yeah. And so I just was kind of like that was started off mouth open, like mic drop, Victoria Beckham experienced a lot of what we talked about here, right? Yeah. She talked about how she got pregnant, spice Girls ended, they moved to Manchester. She was all on her own. She had nobody and she went through this whole rediscovery and then she moved to the United States. She became a wag where like everybody on the highlight reel saw her as this like. Beautiful. Like bombshell, like gorgeous living it up, having the best time. Like so her highlight reel looked amazing, right? And then she became this like very prominent fashion designer with a very successful brand. But everything the documentary shows, which is nothing that her highlight reel shows, is like the struggle of the business, the struggle of her becoming a mom. And what I'm so much more interested is in, in is everybody's documentary and not everybody's personal highlight reel. Yes.'cause I think the documentary actually is so much more interesting. Yes. Because there was so much more going on behind the scenes than I think anybody really understood at the time. Right. There was issues going on with her own identity. Who is she now? She was more successful than him and left were they like one of the biggest girl groups of all time, if not the biggest girl group of all time. Leaves that behind, has starts a family with him and then her identity was kind of stripped away when he started becoming bigger than her. Mm-hmm. From the outside. And she was just a wag. And she used that term like I became a wife or girlfriend mm-hmm. Of a professional athlete. And felt like between that and her becoming a mom and the move she felt that she didn't know who she was anymore. Right. So she had to go back to the drawing board, what am I gonna do now? I don't wanna go on tour anymore. I don't think that this lifestyle works for me. I wanna be in fashion. Right. I wanna start a line. And how that wasn't just very easy for her to do. So she took us through the struggles of, even after she had the line, there was still issues. It wasn't. Making money. Mm-hmm. There was just so much going on behind the scenes and I loved that and I feel like that's a good intro to this episode, right. Because, well, we were both very drawn to this documentary. Mm-hmm. Because I think that, I don't know if it's with age or with time, you get so much more invested into like the behind the scenes versus what's being shown. Yes. It's like, no, I wanna see what's in the back. Yes. Like when you go into a Chanel story, you're like, no, no, I wanna see what's in the back. Yes. I wanna see what's out. I wanna see what's in the back. Yeah. We like the inner workings now, and this documentary is like what's going on. Mm-hmm. In the back. Mm-hmm. And it also, the documentary also kind of showed her like side as a mom. Yes. She was like, oh, forget about parenting. At this point in my life, it was just crowd control. And I love that she said that because she was a mom, had little boys at the time. I don't think she had her daughter until after the Wags was over, but. I'm like, Victoria Beckham is talking about crowd control. Mm-hmm. And I'm not so terrible. I know. Yes. It just was a lot more relatable and it wasn't as, I don't wanna say that I thought it was gonna be eye roll worthy, but sometimes you're just like, what would these people be complaining about? You know what I mean? Like, they have everything. But really everyone is just a human being at the end of the day. And everybody has struggles and it, it doesn't matter what you have access to. Yeah. It just goes to show you Yeah. You can have access to everything and not feel accepted. She didn't feel accepted into the fashion world. Right. She didn't feel accepted into the music world. She said she had bad skin. She struggled with her weight. Like she has access to everything and she has the same struggles that we have struggles with. Yep. And I, so I just, I loved that. So if you haven't watched it, we gave you a lot of the juice of it, but it's a real, it's definitely worth it for I thought it was great. For sure. I don't think you necessarily need to be like a 90 Spice Girl fan to want to watch this season. No, no. Raja and I watched it and we both thought it was great. So definitely recommend that. And then I ended up buying her jeans. Did you the, what is it called? The Alina Jeans. She talks about them in the documentary that's like her signature Jean. They like are very elongating.'cause she's short. She's, I didn't realize that. Yeah, she was short. I always thought she was so tall. But she said she wears these Alina jeans and they give you an illusion of heights. She looked so good in the documentary. I just like, loved everything she was wearing. She just, I feel like she's just so classy and amazing, love her so much. I guess I'll kick it off with a question. When did you last compare yourself to someone online? Is that something that you do frequently? I don't think I just do it online. I think I do it in general. In general. Mm-hmm. I think I do it all day long. I think you have like thousands of thoughts all day long. Some you don't even realize that you're having. Mm-hmm. And I think I compare all day to everything. Mm-hmm. But I can't remember the last time I got stuck in a thought. I think there's a difference between comparing, getting stuck in that comparison thought. Mm-hmm. Versus just comparing and then letting it go. You know? So I listened to the audio version of the Mel Robbins book, the Let Them Book. Mm-hmm Book. And I know people have mixed feelings of that book. Mm-hmm. But in that book, she makes a really good point that. When you compare. Mm-hmm. You can there. It's not all bad. You can compare your kids to other kids, but like you can't compare your kid to this athlete that's just like a natural athlete that like picks up a ball for the first time and is like a natural athlete. your kid can practice all day long. He's not gonna keep up. You know, you can't compare yourself to another kid that has a photographic memory. Doesn't matter how long they're gonna study or whatever, but there are things you can do to better yourself via comparison. Right. I think I'm trying to live in that world. Yes. If there's certain things that I want to be better at. Mm-hmm. Or do better at or make more money or certain things like why can't I do that? Right. So in that case it's like inspiration, like you can use it to aspire to. Yeah. Yeah. So to answer your question though, I think I probably compared myself to somebody an hour ago, right when I was on my phone right before you got here. I don't think I got stuck in it. Yeah, they're like sneaky little thoughts. And I do think we talk about this all the time too, but just that we're consumed by content all day long. So you're not, it's not just about who you see out and about or other parents that you're kind of comparing yourself to or your kids to at school because you're consumed in this world where you can see anybody anytime from any place in the world. And so I think it's easier to get caught up in the comparison, but I think it's a healthier mindset, right, to do what you're doing or to what you're trying to do. Right. And keep it to be a good thing to compare, to be more. Inspiring. Right. What about you? Can you think of one specifically? I mean, I think I'm with you. I would probably say the same thing. It's anytime I'm on my phone. I'm gonna kind of piggyback just on what you said because that is the frame of mind I try to be in, is to use it to be like, well, if I want that, why can't I have that? You know, what could I do to get myself to that level when you're in a very bad place though, and I set that, that, that kind of sneaks up on me sometimes. It depends on what time of the month it is, what yeah, how I'm feeling. But I feel like there are points where if I'm feeling low. I'll end up on my phone and it's like a doom scroll where it's just like everything bothers me and I'll start feeling bad about myself. So I really have to kind of keep a boundary with that and like know when I'm in a healthy mindset to kind of scroll and compare and feel like inspiration because it could get dark very quickly for me, really. So I have to keep that balance for sure. Yeah. Is there one like trigger point for you that if you see something, it can start you down in a dark direction? Yeah, for obviously because I'm a content creator and influencer, I think anything like quote unquote work related, like I'll see. I don't know. It's a very broad topic. Yeah. If I knew I was up for a campaign, for example, if I knew that I was pitched for something and then I see the campaign went off and I'm not now included in it, sometimes I'll be like, oh, like why didn't I get that? Why did they choose her? You know? I think that's natural. That's almost like being passed over for a project for work or something like that. That's just me being a human being. But even so with the kids, I, we're not of like school age where I'm constantly comparing the kids, you know? It's not like they're in like, an athletic world or in an academic world yet where we can be comparing things. But what I will say that I compare as far as like parenting and being a mom is I will see people. Online or just out and about like with their kids. And I'll be like, how are they doing it right? Like, how are they here without a meltdown? How are they traveling? And if I tried to do that with my kids, we would have two simultaneous tantrums and I would be having a tantrum.'cause they're having a tantrum. And, but don't you, but could it be though, that the same people that are sharing that their kids are also having that same experience? They probably are. That's not shared. But it's that they're not, not showing it. That takes a level of, that's another layer. Awareness of awareness. Right. Like you have to be like, okay, they're not showing it, but I'm sure they have it right. You have to be in, again, you have to be in a healthy place to kind of realize that. Right. And like admit that to yourself. But again, when you're comparing and when you're in that like doom scrolling feeling Yeah. It's easy for me to just look and be like, well that looks like that's so much easier than how I have it right now. Right. That's where my mind goes with stuff like that. Yeah. I think for me, my biggest, I guess trigger point is when I see other people's homes mm-hmm. And they look tidy and well decorated. And that's a good one. I feel that too. And clean. And even when I go to my friend's houses, this is probably less online, but even more like in real life when I go to other people's homes that have like beautiful window treatments and they, they have like nice baseboard molding that's not, and everything's like cohesive and Yeah. And everything just looks. Nice. Yeah. And neat. I'm like, what the actual f my house looks like a bomb went off in it. And I get so comparison in that, in that sense. I get very hard on myself when I see everything, like look nice and neat in other people's homes. Yeah. When everything looks too perfect, I just think my home not even perfect, just like looks nice. Looks, yeah. Like they don't have holes in their walls like I do. Or they don't have hockey puck marks like right on their baseboard molding. Or like you open up a cabinet and you're not gonna get like hit in the face with a glass. Like at my house. I feel like that's how we roll. Yeah. And I hate that that's how we roll, but I know I can't seem to get ahead of that. I think with me it's like the content is such a fine line between, you have all of these like organizational, reels where it's like people open up underneath a cabinet and everything has a place and everything is labeled and looks so amazing and organized and I aspire to be like that, but because my house doesn't look like that, then I immediately go into kind of a, ugh. Like it's frustrating to see something like that. So it, it's, well I wanna know sometimes like how do you get it to stay like that? I don't know. What do you tell your kids? How do you make your kids feel? Like, are you, do you have anxious kids? Right.'cause they think they have to be perfect. I know. Am I taking this too far? I don't know. Or are you just very clean and tidy and organized? Right. Or do you have a full-time helper? Like what is the secret? What's behind the scenes? What I wanna know. I know what's happening. We want the documentary version. Tell me. Yep, for sure. That I totally get it. That sometimes can be to my detriment. Yeah. Because then I start yelling at my kids and my husband and I'm like, you all suck. Nobody helps me around this house. You're all a bunch of slobs. Me being the leader of that pack. What's a time more recently when your life looked more pulled together than it actually was, I think all the time. Um, which I think that I have just gotten more comfortable with showing and sharing. Yeah. It's so much more fun to watch too, by the way. Yeah, I, I mean, I still don't even do it because sometimes I feel like it's just so chaotic that I can't even pull out my phone to capture what is going on, but I think it's. It's always been a little bit of a mess, obviously, since having kids. And I just have gotten more comfortable with sharing the non perfection and I'm not waiting for things to be perfect to share mm-hmm. Things now. So it's just, it's there all the time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What about you? I don't know, because now you're kind of sharing a lot more like, yeah, I guess I am, and I don't really know what I'm doing. I just feel like that's just how I feel about myself in general lately. Like I don't think I have a plan. Mm-hmm. I don't think I have a strategy. I don't think I have like a goal in mind. I feel like every day is a disaster. Every day I wake up. I get the four kids off to school. It's like somebody's screaming about. Mm-hmm. Something I like try to laugh through it. Some days I yell back at them like every day is Is just something, yeah. Every day is something. Every day is a fight. Every day. Like I'm getting a call from a school about my kids' behavior, or, oh, we forgot this, or, oh, you didn't do this. Like every day I get like, I don't know, shit on, yeah. All day. Yeah. And then I share funny things that are happening to us. Right, right. Because we say sometimes you have to laugh through it because otherwise you're gonna cry through it. Right. Those are the options. I do that. I do that sometimes too, but I just feel like I'm living in this like puzzled version of myself lately. Like so can you tell me a moment that maybe would look perfect from the outside world, but maybe wasn't? Well, I think this recent trip that I went on to Italy, I shared all these like beautiful pictures of all these amazing things that we were doing. But my dog had just died. I know a few days know before we went and I was hysterical the whole trip. I know. I was so sad. I was so, so sad. But I was like trying to be like present in the moment.'cause I didn't want it to like go by without it looking right and being good for me. I know. And my mom, I know. And I feel like really behind the scenes I was a mess. Such a mess. Mess. And I was so sad the whole time were there. I know you're trying to put on a brave face and enjoy this trip that you had plans. Well, and I was also trying to like share like the fun stuff because it was a fun trip. I didn't wanna share on there. Like, oh, I'm so sad. My D died two at the same time. Two things could be going on at the same time. But you had so much pressure for this trip because you had planned it for so long. Right? There was an unfortunate accident that had happened right before your trip. Right. And this. An unexpected passing and you had to go on, you were gonna go on this trip and you had to put on a brief feast, which is so hard, so, right. I just think like, I don't know what, I like how you always bring up about like two things can be true at the same time. I feel like that was probably the best thing you could have gotten out of therapy for us. Mm-hmm. Because I love that mantra, but I don't use it in my digital life. Right. Two things can be true at the same time. I still am living and showing by the fun stuff, the good stuff. The cute kids. The silly kids. I don't show. Other side. Right. Because I think the other side, deep down, I'm like kind of embarrassed by. Yeah. And that side, and it's not, and I don't know if embarrassed is the right word. It's the part that I'm just still not sure about as a person. Like, I don't know about this part of my life. Like I don't know if this is what's supposed to be happening every day. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know if I like the version of me that just remains quiet. I don't like the version of me that eels back. Like I really don't know how I feel about it. I know, I know. It's because I think you're trying to process, as a parent, as a mom, there's just so much to process all day. So it's like you don't even know how you're feeling. I don't know how I feel about it. Yeah. I, I, I agree with that. Probably I don't feel great about it.'cause I think if I did feel great about it, I would have no problem. Like. Sharing. Yeah. When you're a little more secure with how you're feeling, then it feels natural to share. Yes. And when you feel like you're in the weeds with something you don't wanna share. Right. I think that, that, that's how I am too. Yes. Yeah. I think that's probably the best way I can describe it. Do you feel like since now you're stepping into a content creator type of role, right? Whether it is, I mean, you're creating content right now by sitting in this chair, but even on social media, do you feel like any pressure to, to show things now? So it's funny, I. When I think of like a content creator, I think of you, somebody that is very good at sharing, like things she likes, like you've always had a good handle on like fashion and beauty and travel and like things that I've always really enjoyed consuming as a woman, but I enjoy now less of consuming that type of stuff. Right. Right.'cause I feel like I like to, I don't know, I like have a good handle on like what beauty stuff I like now For sure. I have a good handle on what kind of like fashion stuff I like now. Yeah. I don't necessarily need to be like influenced in those areas, but what I'm craving more of is really more relatability. Yep. And so when I see somebody sharing stuff that's relatable, I wanna consume it. And I think this podcast was our starting point. Yeah. For relatability. Yep. So I don't, I'd never pictured myself as somebody that was a content creator. And then when you just, only through this podcast. Mm-hmm. And I think that Instagram has been a natural extension of the podcast.'cause it's a great way for people to like, see our clips Yep. And connect with us. Yep. Behind the scenes and connect. But I don't know where I fall in the sharing of stuff yet. And I also don't know where I fall into the sharing of my life yet. Yeah. It could get, it's a, first of all, it's a slippery slope. And I will say to that point, I, I've been a content creator for 15 years. I don't have like a territorial issue around that phrase and what that means. I think that anybody can create content. I think anybody can be a content creator and influencer, so that's, I feel like that's kind of why I'm asking you because. You weren't somebody that shared a ton right? On your Instagram page, and now since you've opened up your life and you started to share on this podcast, and then Instagram became an extension of that, people become naturally curious to know a little bit more. So you have started to share just because when it's like, once you open up a door, like more doors open up, right? Mm-hmm. You're like, oh, okay, so people wanna know about this, or they'll ask you questions, and so then you feel like more inclined to share and it just kind of snowballs. Like as time is going on and you've had a lot more people start following you, you know, and we've had like viral videos on this page where people are like interested in what we're talking about. I, I think I'm just curious as somebody who has recently gotten into this and not,'cause I think from my point of view, I've grown into this for so long and I've seen everything shift, but you're kind of starting out, like floodgates are open, right? You're like, okay, like what am I gonna share? You know? Whereas I had time to like ease into what, what I wanna share and like what boundaries I have around things because I've been doing this for so long and I'm secure and kind of like what I wanna share and what I don't. Right? But if you're thrust into this from a viral video, or you're creating content and starting now, right? Mm-hmm. You're kind of like the world's your oyster. Like you're like, what am I gonna share? Yeah, you're The answer is you don't know. The answer is, I don't really know. Yeah. And it's not even that I don't. Feel comfortable sharing something because I pretty much feel comfortable have filter free sharing everything. I'm pretty filter free if I share everything on this podcast. But I guess when I put it onto a video and I like have to intentionally put something together that somebody's gonna view, then it makes me think like, what's the message? Is the message that you click and you buy. Because if the message is only click here to buy, I don't like that message is the click here. Like, okay, this is hopeful and funny and silly, or this is a knockoff and I love a good knockoff or a good look for less. Mm-hmm. Like, I like those messages, you know? Like I don't really know what my message is. Yeah. My message is that I'm messy and you know, my life is a little messy now you're figuring it out too. Yeah. Saturday night Nick and I went out on a date and it was like so fun'cause he was away for the week. Mm-hmm. I was away the week before. Mm-hmm. And we just went on like a date and I was like, oh my God, this would be so cute to post and this and that. But I like wanted to leave my phone at home. Mm-hmm. Because we're supposed to be having like one-on-one time. Yeah. And everything was perfect. We had like the best night ever. Nothing was documented. Right. Sometimes when I'm documenting things it's because I have my phone out because everything happening around me is a fucking shit show. Right. And the phone is the escape and I document like stupid shit. Does that make sense? It does. I feel like the concept of like living versus documenting could be its own podcast episode. And I feel I'm always so interested in how people do this in a healthy way.'cause I think that healthy way you can do it, obviously the answer is you could do it in an unhealthy way. You could just be documenting and out of them every moment and picking up your phone and, and not being present. I struggle and have always struggled with documenting versus living. For me, it's even after all this time, it has not come naturally. So I feel like I quote unquote miss a lot of like Instagram worthy moments or content worthy moments because if I am present, I don't have my phone with me. Mm-hmm. And if. You know what I mean? Yes, yes. I agree. I echo that and it's hard. There's so many times I'm like, oh, that would've been such a good opportunity. This is a missed opportunity to document things. And especially now with this kind of shift in who I am, I feel like I'm kind of coming into like a new version of myself. Mm-hmm. And. I think that that's being reflected in some of my content. Mm-hmm. But it's also making it harder because there were points of my job where the boundary was very, very clear. Right. It was like, I would go out, Marissa m and I talked about this when she was on here, where we would go out and batch shoot a bunch of content and outfits and like, that was my content, right? I would have content for the week. But now that my content is kind of my life and I'm kind of going more in the lifestyle, content creator direction, I feel like the opportunities for creating content are huge because it's everything everywhere. And sometimes you wanna be present and sometimes when you change up the scenery, you're like. There's been so many times where Raj and I have gone on a date and same exact thing that you're just saying. So I relate to that so much. You're like, well, I have a cute outfit on and we're going to a new place, and like, the place is beautiful and so I should be able to get a picture or like, we could do something funny here and play off of this and like do a reel or do it. Couples look together and we, I we just don't, and it's because I don't want to, and I wanna be present and I wanna almost preserve, well, you're choosing your preserve it, but you're choosing your actual life over your shareable moments, right. For other people to consume. Right. Which is the right choice. But when it's a blurred line with your job. You know, I can see how you're, but because a lot of the times I find inspiration when I'm out of my everyday life. Right. And that's usually when I'm like, Ooh, we're somewhere new. Or like, this is different. And I feel creatively charged and inspired. But at the same time, when I'm getting those moments now, because they're so much more infrequent than they used to be, I almost want to just go into that moment without any distractions and be present in that moment. And so it gets hard. Right. Right. Those lines can get very, very blurred. Yeah. I guess that's another reason why I like doing this podcast, because it's a creative outlet. Mm-hmm. And it's also very boundaried because we record once a week. Right. We prep for it ahead of time. Yep. We discuss and dissect the topics, and then it gets spliced up and shared over the course of the week, it's not consuming. It's not all consuming. Yes. I can still share my life'cause I'm very comfortable sharing my life. It's that I don't feel comfortable sharing my life while I'm living it. Yes. I think that's sort of my issue. Yes. Is that it's not that I feel uncomfortable sharing the stupid shit my kids are saying and doing. It's that I don't feel comfortable sharing and doing in real time. In real time. That's the pro that you said that. So eloquently.'cause that is exactly the issue that I think I've always had with this type of content creation. Right. And then to that point, I understand why you don't see that type of content online. That is so relatable because it's hard to document, hard to do it and share at the same time. It is. It really is. And sometimes things happen and you luckily like catch them and you can share them. Right. But, you know, sometimes like a video is better than like retelling a story. Mm-hmm. Which on here it's like storytelling. I don't really know what I'm doing on Instagram and social media. I like share the things that I like. I share the fines that I like. I share like some of the stupid things that happen or, you know, like relatability things, but you know, the kids stuff. It's tricky'cause I have one kid that's like, do not talk about me. And then the other one's like, my daughter's like, how many views do we have? Oh. And she wants to come on this podcast. She wrote out questions for you to ask her when she comes on here. I love her. One of the questions she wants you to ask her, lemme take a wild guess who that is.'cause she's already been in our most popular video of all time that we'll never be able to top. So hey meals. She's like, I want Christina to ask me. I love it. How did you learn how to swim? How do you fall asleep at night? And I forget one other, like one like, what's your favorite food? It's just personality. Comfortable. She just wants to come, come here and be interviewed. Comfortable. Yeah. She's comfortable. And it's that that just goes to show, it's like people are kind of born with it or not born with it when you're just kind of comfortable with Yeah. Sharing. Yeah. So let's talk about the comparison spiral. Mm. So when you're not in a good place, we're go, we're going back to that. This will happen very easily. Yeah. Right. For sure. Whether you want it to or not. Yeah. The sting, when somebody else hits a milestone, do you feel like that's happening right now in our lives? I, or do you think because of where we are? I think it's less of, there's less and less. I was gonna say, I think that, I don't know if it's age or the stage of life that I'm in right now, but that doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Mm-hmm. I think that when we were all of like getting engaged age like that, that there was points where things would sort of, you know, feel a little bit more comparison. Yeah. And when people started to have kids, you know, like that, that was kind of a tricky point for me. So I've definitely felt all of that for sure. Now I don't feel it as much because I'm also not doing it with my kids because we're not so immersed in it quite yet, you know? Mm-hmm. But I'm hoping that I won't be like that with my kids, although I'm sure it's natural to have that sneak in, you know? Yeah. The comparison, yes, it definitely is. If you don't have a good foundation of what you expect in your household. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. Like, I think it's very easy to live in a town and like, oh, my kid has to plan the travel teams, but the best elite travel teams.'cause other kids do it. Like, that's a stupid reason. But do people do that? Sure. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Course. Or Oh no, my kid has to go to this private school because that's the next natural progression. Mm-hmm. Like, well, but why? Mm-hmm. You know? And I think that that comparison trap can be really easy. Yep. Or wait, that kid can go there. How did they get in? Mm-hmm. You know, like that's a bad, I think a bad comparison trap. Right. And I think it's a bad thing for your kids to hear you say. I think we're entering in now. Yeah. As my kids get. Older. It's interesting how some problems go from you and then it kind of like bleeds into the kids, right? It's, yeah, but it's always rooted in the parents. It always is. It's very little about my own kids. And more about you. The right, you right. So Joseph, this last year, he plays travel hockey. He didn't make the A team, he made the B team. And when he made the B team, I, at first I was like kind of fine with it. He was really upset about it. I feel like it was like a good thing to happen to him because at this point in his life, he had never really been like let down and I think it was normal for him to compare himself to the other kids on the team. April, may, June, July, go by, we start up again in August, we all go to the first practice and we see the kids on the A team. Mm-hmm. And. I started to just get, I was boiling for him because I was like, this is so ridiculous. I, and I can't even believe that I went there. Wow. Because this isn't my personality. Yeah, yeah. But I went there hard. I was like, he should be on that team. This is bullshit. He got cut. He should have been with these kids. He just said, good, da da, da da. Nick told me, he's like, you better get out of this rink. Get outta here. You're making this worse. So I left. I went home with the girls. Joseph gets home. I go, Hey, what's going on? Tell me, how was it? He was like, it was amazing. I love my team. I love my coach. I'm so happy. If I had led you had like, let this is bs, I would've skewed his opinion of this whole thing. Right. Oh, that's a really good point. Very quickly. Yep. But I let him lead and now I'm like, this is perfect. This is the perfect team for you. Everything is great because I led with him. I think a lot of times as a parent you can like lead with your own Yeah. Your own emotions. Your own emotions. Yeah. And then your kids pick up on it and they follow you. Yep. I could totally see that. So I'm not proud of this moment that I was comparing my kid to these other kids, you know? And said, and I can't even believe I almost pulled one of the, this isn't fair. Yeah, yeah. You cut my kid. Like, I cannot believe that was me. Because I feel like I try my hardest to never be that parent. But I was mm-hmm. And I almost screwed up Joseph for it. Do you feel like it's because were you taking it on? Like, were you mad thinking like that's how you would react if you were him? Yes. Yeah, of course. It like took me back to like, when I was in seventh grade and I got cut from a soccer team. Right. It's hard not to project onto your kids. Yeah. It's projection. That is exactly what it is. So, but that for sure, so I guess that for me is like a trigger of comparison right now. Mm-hmm. Through the lens of my kids when it's not even necessary. Right. They don't even have that same lens that I do. Right. But they will if I project it onto them. That's very true.. I do compare myself to other people's careers because I don't think I have one. You do. But I don't think I have one. I don't have a clear career, you know? Like, I think my, because again, that's like an insecurity of mine. I think that that's something that can be very easily made into a comparison. Mm-hmm. And I think that's a probably a good point, that when you feel insecure about something, it's very easy to compare yourself in a negative way and not in a good way. Right. Right. Yeah. That, I think that was like a very very honest admission. I don't even think I've ever heard you say that before. Yeah. I mean, it, it's true. Like, I think I'm very clear in my roles in this house of being like a mom of four kids. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. But I don't have very clear roles about my career. Right. You know, like Right. I don't really know if there ever, if I ever intended there to be a career. I think my career was in the hospital. Mm-hmm. And then I was mom. Yeah. And that was my role. Mm-hmm. And then I have other, like lots of hobbies and passions, but I don't necessarily know if hobbies and passions equal career. Yeah. Right. But I think that it, I think that what you said is very common because we've had people sit on this podcast who have admitted the same thing, who have been in either that are older or that are in an older stage where their kids are grown. And I think that when you leave your career to become a stay at home mom, that seems to be an extremely common. Thing that ends up happening is that as your kids grow and as you get quote unquote more time back, you're like, where does that leave me? What do I wanna do? I still have all this life to live. I still have so many things that I wanna do. So many passions. And it seems like that's when a lot of people find this like next chapter of their life, where they start a business, they start something, right? Because you're like, not done yet. You want a little bit more of like a creative fuel or a creative like fulfillment. The topic at hand here is comparison. Mm-hmm. And I guess I compare myself to other women now who have careers and are mothering. Mm-hmm. At the same time. Mm-hmm. I'm, I feel like that's like a big one for me right now. But I'm sure people might, I'm sure people compare. Themselves to you who you're fortunate enough to be able to stay home with your kids. Mm-hmm. And I'm sure some people feel like they have to work. Mm-hmm. You know, and they're unable to do that. Mm-hmm. So I think comparison is just the Feet Co. Of Joy Co goes both ways. Yep. It goes both ways. I always think that the grass is greener. Right. I always think that it's, you kind of always not, not necessarily want what you don't have, but you're like intrigued by what you don't have. And the grass always seems greener. You're like, well, what if I kept my career and was a mom? And some people might be like, what if I left my career and stayed home with my kids? I mean, that's such an honest, I think a lot of people have those same thoughts. Right. I really do. Yeah. And I guess the answer is you will never know. Yep. But if you're trying to incorporate some of that into your life. It might be because you're comparing yourself to somebody who has done it ahead of you. Right. And you wanna know, okay, well how did you do it? How did you make it work? Mm-hmm. I think if you lead with curiosity mm-hmm. You know, sometimes that can be a useful tool. Sometimes, I don't know if I lead with curiosity or if I lead with envy when I'm comparing that's such myself to other people. When I think of like women that are like able to work and able to mother, I just, oh my God, I so envy that. I think that again, back to this documentary piece. Yeah. There's so much behind the scenes, like, right. Sure. I think everybody has the same struggles. I really do. Yeah. And I will also say that I kind of dabbled in both Right. Where I work for myself, so I know I'm not like the corporate career woman who, has toggled, motherhood and a, CEO type of role, but I work for myself and so those boundaries get slippery sometimes. And I will say that when I was home with both of my kids, it was the hardest job I've ever done in my entire life. And so I give anybody who is home with their kids full time, I commend you because whether that's intentional, it was a intentional decision or whether that just is what makes sense for your family, an unintentional decision. It, it was the hardest thing that I have ever done. And so I just wanna put that out there. Yeah, because I, I think that you're looking at it as. Like you're feeling less than, right? Because you don't have another high power career alongside of you. But what you do day to day is take so much strength and patience and management. I was drowning in it. And I've admitted that here. And you told me that the word was drenched. I was drenched in it. I said, yes, that's a nice way of putting it. But I was literally drowning. You were like, actually, Christina. Yes. I was drowning, actually. I was drowning. And I, I really do think it was the hardest thing that I ever did. And it wasn't what was best for me. And that is why I spent the last year, like digging myself back out and having to put so much effort to kind of revive my career and my business. Mm-hmm. Because it just wasn't something that I was able to do. Right. Full time. Full time, full time. It really was so hard. Yeah. I think that you don't know until you're really in something. Right. And so, to your point, I think that every single part of motherhood is hard. And I think that whether you're home with your kids, whether you're a career woman, toggling work life balance with your kids, I, I think all of it is just hard. Whether you're somewhere in the middle, I feel like I'm kind of somewhere in the middle. I think it's all really hard to juggle. Right. I don't know why I get so hung up on like rules and titles. I think everybody does. I think that that's very common. You and I don't know why I compare mm-hmm. The rules and the titles, and I also don't know why it's not good enough for me to just be like, I'm a mom and I'm home with my four kids and I take care of them. Mm-hmm. Like, I don't know why that can't just be enough for me to say it. Well, it should be because it's so much work. I le I've seen reels where it. A mom holding her baby or like with her kids and it's like you feel like you've done nothing, but you've done everything today. You know what I mean? And every time I see that,'cause I'll see it in different variations and I always think it's so powerful because it's so true. It doesn't matter what your role is, like your role of mom is so much and it's so important. And so you've done everything just by being a mom. It is so much and it's so important. And then that also leads me to, I am a good mom and I'm a hands-on mom and I am confident in that I, everything is for the kids. Mm-hmm. And then I try to be a good wife. I try to be a good friend. Like I feel like the farther you go down the, the tiered system, like I get less and less. So I don't understand how to then incorporate, like working about my life in that. Which is sort of what I'm trying to do here. And then continue to still be like a good present mom, which is what's most important to me. I get very confused about what I'm consuming now because I got a little taste of the other side of like a little bit of creation. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, when you're trying to create, you take so much time away from like the presence of being mom, so I don't understand how do you still be all in and good and everything and then document and share at the same time? I think that's why everyone feels so pulled. Yes. And now feel, feel like, and so scattered. Mm-hmm. I have this like different lens when I watch. Mm-hmm. Right? Yep. It's almost like it took the joy out of it for me. Yeah. Because I got a little taste of it all and I'm like, oh yeah, man. Wow. I know. That's really honest. I don't know. I, I think because I'm so in the middle mm-hmm. I compare myself to stay at home moms. Mm-hmm. Because I am home with my kids quite a bit. And then I also compare myself to. People who have been in this space for as long as they have been, who have taken like their job of content creation and gone on to like, create huge businesses, right? Empires and, yes, empires. And I'm somewhat in the middle and I feel like I'm somewhat in the middle with like, you know, I'm, I'm working for myself, I'm home with my kids. It's kind of like in the middle. I could push myself and a brand deal. But the further you closer you get to that. Yep. Further, the further I am get from my kids, from the other thing, from the kids and everything. And then if you wanna pull yourself closer to them, then you're away from the other thing. Yep. That's how I, it's really hard. So I'm just living in the middle. It's like the scale. Yep. It is. So it's, that's, and that's how I have felt since entering motherhood. Yes. And that's why I've struggled so much. Like, yes. I don't mean struggled with motherhood, I meant struggling. I struggled with having both. I struggled with doing both. Right. I have like this visual on my head of like a, yes. It's like one of those like double sided scales with like, you know, you're trying to balance it. Yep, yep. You really can't, it's really hard. You have to take something off of one side and put it on the other. You can't be everything to everyone all the time. And so I think that that's just motherhood in a nutshell. It's hard to balance everything and I think comparing yourself makes it so much harder because you're consumed by things that you can compare yourself to, and I hope, I guess my hope is that you use the comparison to like kind of propel yourself. I agree. When, when I think about it and I'm like, what's really more important to you? And for me what comes more natural and what's more important is honestly being home with my kids. Yeah. I like, I didn't struggle as much with it, I think as you, because I didn't have a career that I was being pulled away from. I feel like I have this career that I'm like, that's pulling at me a little bit. Pulling you in. Right. That I'm like interested and intrigued about that I wanna pursue. Mm-hmm. But I still like being home. Yep. So I'm curious though, Pippa's, honestly we would love if you guys could send us,'cause we're always looking for like different points of view.'cause obviously t and I can only share our points of view. We can only share our point. Yeah. And so we're only coming at it from like what we know and what we've experienced. But if you guys have anybody, I guess to that point of maybe like a, like a real career woman, I'm calling it like somebody that. We could have on, and that we could talk to about this, because I think that that's just something that a lot of people struggle with, right. And I would love another point of view of somebody who maybe travels a ton for work and who tries to manage it all at home, you know? Right. I think that that's just so interesting. And also how they compare their self to other people. Right. Like I think that that's the interesting part of piece of this is like how the comparison affects you and what you get out of it. Right. For sure. We're gonna close out with our pink spotlight, which is our person place think, tip, mantra. That is making life a little bit better this week. T do you have something you can share? Okay, so I've listened to a podcast and it talked about like. Um, if you can do small things, you can do big things. Mm. And I've been like mirroring this stuff for my kids. Okay. So a small thing is we all wake up, we all make our bed every morning. Yeah. That's like a small thing. But if we do these small things, then we do big things. So I'm like a big bed maker. Mm-hmm. I like to make my bed and my sheets are like sold and my duvet cover so old. So I jumped on the Bolen branch sheet. Oh, love Bolen branch. Do you have that? Yes. That's what we have on our bag. Oh my gosh. I'm obsessed and they are worth the hype. And now I understand what it's all about. They are. Mm-hmm. So like a hundred percent cotton, they don't wrinkle. And I bought pure white. There's like a little bit of like a, like a pewter piping. Ooh. And so they're like very fresh. They're very clean. Actually they're not on my bed right now'cause I just threw them in the washing machine. But you can like add bleach to it. And they like, yeah. They really bleach and they like. Clean up. So nice. And they look like so nice and fresh. I love, so everything is white. So the sheets are white, the pillowcases are white. Yep. The duvet, like everything is just like white A and fresh white. And pretty clean. And clean. Yep. And I love getting into my nice white clean bed. I know we have the same, we have an all white bed and we've had their stuff for a long time and honestly they always say like, I think their tagline is like, it gets softer with each wash. It literally does like the, well this is my first wash. Yeah. So I'll, I'll get back to you on that. As time goes on, they somehow get softer they're so soft and so amazing. And what I also love about them is that they have, I don't know if you notice this, but they have like the head and foot. On like labeled so that you aren't like, which way do these go? Right? I mean, how freaking simple is that? But like, thank you. Well, also with the duvet cover, I never could figure out like, is this lengthwise? Is this horizontal? Yes. Like, did I do this right? And they have the little ties in the duvet. So like the ties zipper, the zip. Oh, it's really easy. I like it a lot. So I got the whole set. It wasn't like cheap. No, it's not. It was a little bit of a splurge. It's an, I wanna say it came to like$800. Yeah. With like the, for the whole thing. Promo code. But the, I got the whole, I got the whole thing. I got the pillows, the, we got a whole new setup in there. Yeah. Bedding is expensive. It's part of my like routine. Like we all get up, we all make our beds. Yep. I love it. Even though my kids now sleep on top of the sheets and on top of their comforter so that they don't have to make the bed so they don't have to make the bed. You know what, like leave it to them. Know what to be like Yama, whatever. Made my bed. Haven't slept in it in months. Love it. But anyways, I love my hack. My pink, I love a hat. That's my pink spotlight. so I hope mine isn't too lengthy. I was gonna do this at the beginning of the episode, but I wanted to save it for my pink spotlight, Oh wait, is this the health stuff? Yeah. Oh yes. You might remember. Perk your up ladies that perk your ears up girl. So I think it was early on we had Dr. Kate from Holistic Health Code on, and she talked at length about hormones. We had a whole hormone discussion. It was like one of my favorite conversations that we've had on this podcast. And I vowed to myself and to her I was like, I am gonna go in and get my hormones checked and do a kind of like full panel on myself to get right.'cause hers was linked to like infertility. Yes. And now if your levels aren't in check your, you have nutrient deficiencies. Yes. You won't be able to get pregnant. Yep. Yep. Also after pregnancy. Yep. And we kind of like that conversation. This was off air with like, if you're not feeling better.'cause I have been kind of like raising my hand and being like, I don't feel right. And you guys probably know, you've heard me say to multiple guests that we've had on like, when do you know if like something still doesn't feel right? And everyone keeps saying, you know, like two years is kind of like the magic number postpartum. So your time is two almost. She's almost two. And you're there. I have just been saying this. And so I left that conversation with Dr. Kate of like, okay. She's like, hit me up if you still don't feel right. And so I was like, you know what, now is the time and. So I went to Holistic Health Code, did a full hormone panel. So I did a urine test, a blood test, and I actually did a stool test. I did like the entire thing. I did everything. And the reason why I did everything was because obviously everything is connected, and so I got my results back and I have never felt more validated in my entire life. Mm-hmm. Because what came back was exactly how I have been feeling. So I'm gonna kind of read this because it's, it's a lot, and I'm not gonna get into the nitty gritty of it, but basically I had two pregnancies really close together and. That alone used up so many nutrients in my body. And then you add in like the recovery, not sleeping, trying to be present for two little ones. Running a household, running a business. My body was doing a lot for a long time without getting a chance to fully recover from either. Over that time, all of the stress and the lack of sleep started to affect my gut. And my gut is what absorbs nutrients. And now it's not doing that. Even when I was eating well and taking care of myself, my body wasn't really using what I was giving it. Right. I kept trying to refuel, but the tank had a leak. I'm like such a visual person. Yes. It's like if you're fueling the car, but there's a leak. So once your nutrient levels drop low enough, your hormones start to drop, your energy crashes and you don't feel like yourself. Like, that is me. Right? Like, that's what I've been saying. So that's where I've ended up. It's like, I'm anxious, I'm exhausted, I'm drained. And I, I'm like, why the f am I not feeling that? So, so do you close the leak? How do you plug the leak? So I'm working with Dr. Kate and I'm trying to rebuild things in order so that everything will turn back on again. The full testing revealed my hormones are very low. My stress system is worn out from years of being in overdrive. My body isn't making enough cortisol or DHEA, which helps with energy and stress level. So that's why you're so tired. Mm-hmm. I'm very low in important vitamins and minerals. My gut isn't'cause of the gut. Yes. My gut isn't absorbing nutrients properly. And I have a bacteria called h pylori, which affects digestion and iron levels. So all of this is connected. So what she's doing is she's put, she put me on kind of like an insane supplement protocol. And it's so funny that I just got on my Instagram and said, I'm not really like a supplement girl. And literally as we speak, there's like a huge amount of supplements being delivered to my house. And we're going to try to address the hormone first, the hormone levels first, which hormones are they do, you know? So estrogen, progesterone and testosterone are all low. So all three are low. All three are low. So are you gonna go, are you going on estrogen, progesterone? So we're not, what we're trying to do is we're trying to get every, like, we're trying to get my adrenals back because defeated they produce, and so then they will. So it's really kind of a holistic way. So you're starting from the bottom? We're starting from the bottom. Oh. Then we're gonna add in some like gut support stuff. So it's like gonna be very layered and it's not gonna be a overnight fix. Like this is gonna take months. They said up to a year of kind of just like adding things back and like starting slow, doing some retesting to see how everything is and. I'm also doing some like vitamin D shots and gonna probably incorporate some infusions into the mix, like just to kind of get my body back. But my point, and obviously this is not like a one size fits all, like what? What came back on my test is not gonna come back on somebody else's test. But I think the moral of the story is that I knew I did not feel right. I feel like, I don't wanna say everyone was brushing me off, but I feel like. Blanket statement of like postpartum, it was anxious. Yes, you're anxious and you know what, you're still in that postpartum period. And I was just like, no. I feel like everyone's not understanding. Postpartum probably caused some of this. Well, it did, and you can't just continue to blame it on the Yes. It's like, how long can you continue to blame? You have to. Wow. Yep. So I felt very validated. I think that. Yes, you wanna give yourself time, right? Like you can only give yourself like time to heal from things. But I think that once you get to a point where you know something's not right, you have to raise your hand. And if someone's not listening to you, you have to go to someone else and find someone until someone does listen to you. And Dr. Kate listened to me and we ran everything. And she literally called me and was like, you're not crazy. So I'm gonna read the results with you. You feel exactly as you should. Did you do everything with her in person or did you do this remote? So because she sees patients remotely, she does. She sees patients remotely. I went in because they're only a town away from us. Okay. So I went in the first time, I did all my blood tests through Quest. Did you do it there? Oh, you went to Quest? Nope, I went, so she ordered it? She submits it and orders that to Quest. I did my blood tests there. Was it a lot of blood work? It was okay, but, and then I did, all of the other tests came to my house. So like, and then I mailed those in and then she got the results and went over it. So this sample mm-hmm. You do at Quest? Yep. Nope, we did that. You mailed that in? I mailed that in. Oh, so I did that and the urine test at home, mailed those back. She got all the results. We went over that on a telehealth call, how long did all the results take to come in? So the urine test had to be done during cycle day 18. Okay. So, because when I ordered it, I think I ended up having to wait until like I had the test with me, but, but couldn't take it. Yeah. Yeah. So I would say all of it took probably like three-ish weeks. Okay. Which is not that bad because then we ended up up getting the test back and so I would say within the month, now I'm starting on a protocol, so it hasn't been like too long. So how long will you do the, this first step of your regimen For three months until you see her for three months. So you do this three months and then you'll retest some stuff? Yep. We're gonna probably retest some of the, she was saying the sex hormones, which are estrogen, progesterone, and are there any like testosterone that she's telling you to look for? Or most of them are just supplements, so there's nothing. Means your body should be naturally making for you that it's not. Yep. This is so interesting. It's fascinating. So I wanna move her back on again. I know. I would love to have her back on. It's, yep. So I'm very, very grateful. So thank you to obviously Dr. Kate and Holistic Health Code. This is not sponsored by any means. No, but it is not. Um, this was something I did all on my own and it was because I really felt like I needed to, and I'm so glad I did because everything that I was feeling is. What my body is feeling for real, right? This is not mental. This is literally how my body is feeling. So I'm so grateful to have been able to do it. Well, you know many people that are sitting driving their car right now listening to this are like, oh shit. Me too. Yeah, me too. Me too. Me too. Yeah. I just want everyone, this is a reminder again, I always say you're the main character too. Yeah. If you don't feel right, go do something about it. You have to advocate for yourself, like no one's gonna step in and be like, yeah. You know, and like overtake your health. Like you have to be in the driver's seat to do it. Well, this is another example of how you took matters into your own hands. You have to, because nobody knows what's best than you. Right. Right. Nobody else is gonna do this for you. Right, right. Good job and kudos to you. For our listeners, go back if you haven't, if you are like, new to tuning in, go back and listen to Dr. Kate's podcast. She's great. She's like this infertility specialist. Yep. But really, like, we were prepping her with questions, not only about like infertility, but like now. Yep. So it's just kind of funny that you are here in this spot. Yes. If you kind of knew when she was here that day. Like, and that was a while ago. I was like, I'm I'm gonna do this. Be in that chair. Yeah. But it just, it took me, I dragged my feet. It took me a while. Well, it's a time and money investment. Yep. You have to be in the right space to do that. Yep. You have to be ready to prioritize your health. Yep. You can't let those supplements, supplement supplements sit on your counter. You have to be ready to take them. Yep. And you are. So, I'm so excited to see what's next for you. I am, yeah. So I'll, I'll make sure to update everybody if you're interested in that type of thing. And then we will leave, Dr. Kate's episode in our show notes. So if you haven't listened to that, we'll link it so that you can,'cause that was fascinating. Fascinating. So thank you guys for tuning in. Yeah, we will. See you guys next week. See you next week. Bye